My now ex gf (32f) and I (27m) have now been broken up with for a week now. Shes been blowing up my phone asking for us to get back together and work things out, however, I feel like I made the right choice in us breaking up.
We had been dating for about 6 months and initially things were great. We have a lot in common, some common interests, common world views, and share certain common hobbies. However, when we first got together, she had just broken up with her ex boyfriend of 8 years. The long and short of that was it was an abusive and turbulent relationship and it was mostly him being emotionally abusive but she faults herself on some aspects of it being an issue. Overall she had grown to despise him and basically checked out of the relationship and finally broke it off.
Despite that I decided to continue our relationship. Over time she was beginning to have an issue with things like me being a little more introverted, not liking the same kinds of video games while still playing video games together (we’re both nerds), me being more observant of some of her hobbies as opposed to joining in, me being more “objective” during arguments/debates as opposed to more emotional, and always being by her side physically (I can be a little clingy).
We both tried to communicate a plan to remedy those little issues, I gave her more space but she always ended up wanting more time with me anyways, I dedicated more time to playing games like Overwatch with her but she decided I sucked and it didn’t seem fun to her to play with me lol, she wouldn’t really let me come to her hobby events (larping) because she felt embarrassed. I will say that the debate issue went a little unresolved.
We finally had a big argument where she was feeling a little unfulfilled and felt like I was a little too stale for her liking and while we shared common interests, it ultimately felt like she was starting over with me and didn’t like the feeling of starting over or the repetitive feeling of us going out, playing video games, having sex, and she would go home after a weekend with me. I could see it in her face and body language that she was really growing bored of me leading up to this point. She wanted change but neither of us could really figure out a better way of doing things for us and we ultimately decided to break up one morning.
However, as the day went on, she decided to blow up my phone about making a mistake and wanting to get back together and just “coast”. I told her I felt like I’m just not the one for her and that she might need more time for herself after everything she told me. But she’s just been blowing my phone up telling me that I’m wrong and that we should just get back together.
What’s stopping me is that I just feel like I’m really not the one for her after she told me that we have common interests, goals, and world views but I’m ultimately too different of a person. She also cited she really liked that her ex was involved in the same things as her she just didn’t like that he was so competitive as to belittle her and was hoping I’d be sort of the same as that minus being a dick lol.
What’s the best course of action here?
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You know you made the right choice in breaking up, your own words. Someone blowing up your phone and demanding you continue the relationship should not prompt you to reconsider entering into this relationship. It screams “I don’t want to be single” rather than a true desire to date YOU as a person. Don’t allow her to manipulate you into trying again. You’ll just end up breaking up again, wasting more time. You deserve to be someone’s first choice and for the person to be emotionally stable.
Trust your gut
I mean… you should definitely not “just” get back together. There needs to be some sort of resolution to those issues because otherwise y’all will just fall back into the same rut. I would say meet up for coffee on an afternoon when you have a hard out–like you have dinner plans so you need to get going. Otherwise you’re just going to be like… “should we grab some dinner?” and then “wanna come back to my place?” and then boom, you’re back in the same rut.
There needs to be real conversations, not just her going “blah I was being stupid! I don’t care about that anymore!” because she may want to set that aside for now, but it’s going to come back up.
I think you know deep down she is not the one. Trust that and yourself. You shouldn’t be questioning everything so early on. When you meet the one, you will know and not have to come to reddit for advice or clarity.
Best wishes ❤️
You made the right choice. I think you’re right that she should spend some time on her own before dating again and you’re not the person for her. Tell her firmly but politely that you feel you are not compatible and wish her well. If she continues to bother you, block her.
Sounds like your ex is afraid not to have a man in her life. Don’t be that man.
IMHO, she had a man she thought was on retainer and when she broke up with you she found out he wasn’t interested. You don’t go back on a breakup in less than 48 hours, she’s hoping you’ll be there for her until she finds a new victim
If she’s bored after six months and arguing this much, there is no hope for this long term. Getting back together will only mean more heartache and break ups. Stay strong and find someone who loves the stability you offer and doesn’t crave the massive highs and lows of an unstable partner.