What a weird weird feeling.
My dad’s body’s recently been cremated. I thought the plan was all 4 of his kids would have a separate urn. We all live in different states and had been communicating in a group text.
Behind the scenes everyone else decided they don’t want ashes. So now my sister is sending me TWO urns, each with half a dad. I don’t like that on a level that makes me shiver a little bit.
I liked the plan of all of us having a little urn, partly because my apartment is small and messy.
Now I have two larger urns. TWO. I really don’t like it and wish someone had said something.
Comments
Yeah, some families shouldn’t be treated like family
what about combining the dad back together so there’s just one dad? or maybe spreading one of the dads somewhere that he would appreciate?
assuming he didn’t leave any instructions about what to do with himself.
Right… maybe you could combine the ashes into a single, grand monument, a GIANT sculpture of your dad doing something he loved. It would be a fitting tribute and solve the logistical problem of too many urns, you know? It’s a bit unconventional, I guess, but sometimes the most unusual solutions are the best. A way to honor him and create something lasting… certainly more interesting than having two urns taking up space
Consider spreading 3/4 of his ashes in places that were meaningful to him, or some place beautiful. Keep a portion for as long you need to hold on to them. Then release the rest.
I had all both my parents. Sibling did not want any ashes. I combined M&D together and finally interred them 10 years later.
It’s a weird responsibility.
Get a living urn and plant a tree for him….let him give some oxygen to the world
There are so many options here. There are parks which plant groves of trees, each in memory of a deceased one, and you can have the ashes interred under them, at planting, or around them after the tree is planted. Some have plaques with the persons name on there. Then you can visit the tree – go sit under it as it grows – and think of your dad. Your siblings can visit when they’re around too. This would be my favourite option. It means you’re not dependent on the siblings turning up for some sort of “scattering” ceremony if you want to, for example, scatter them into the ocean.
Most people spread the ashes somewhere.
I feel for you . I would feel the same way. Is it too late to say something? Sounds like it, but I would still tell them your feelings exactly as you have stated them here. Really, it’s just rude , and not cool.And c’mon two urns? Someone has got to take half of dad.
Spreading one of the urns in a place dad would like and then what do you do with the urn
Thing is now it’s a responsibility Op didn’t agree to or ask for . That’s what irks me. Now dad is an issue to be shouldered alone and not be shared. It bothers me.
Haha! I’m dying from the title alone. I’m very very sorry for your loss, we lost my dad just a year ago and I’m laughing because we had this distinct problem and at first when asked I was like “what the fuck no I don’t want a fucking bag of dad at my house”
I didn’t want anything to do with my OWN bag of dad so I get it. What helped me though was meeting with family (even just portions of them one at a time” and doing our own small ceremony of scattering the ashes on our own terms and it’s helping me greatly.
I didn’t want to do it with others for my time. I wanted a private conversation in a place we loved at the top of a mountain. I was able to truly say goodbye and it started me on a healing path that I’m still on today.
My siblings have gathered with my mom in the ocean for a small ceremony. I participated in another with my mom and my kids. My mom has spread them solo in another place important to her. We have another planned for an eventual tropical vacation. In all it’s really helping us heal in small ways, and I’ll never forget my first location and can’t wait to return there to speak to him.
Sorry for all the ashes
make him whole by combining all the ashes back, voltron but from ashes
I urge you to make a plan (ideally, one that involves your siblings) to either bury the ashes in a cemetery plot or scatter them. It doesn’t have to happen right away, or even soon, but it’s your best endgame. Even if his remains were all together in one urn, the shelf above your fireplace is not a realistic choice for an eternal resting place. You won’t live forever, so his remains might get passed on to someone who didn’t have the same connection to him that you did.
Most of us wind up with a dad bod eventually.
You don’t have to keep the whole thing. Ashes are supposed to be a token of the person. If you’re sentimental, spread most of the ashes at a place that means something to you, or that meant something to him. Keep a token amount in a small urn.
None of my sibs were interested in having ashes so my parents are at sea sailing the waves forever. Mom always liked the beach and dad liked to go fishing.
Why two urns? My dad died in February and he had a single urn. I have a small container of him that I’m going to take to his home country next year and spread them at the family homestead.