I work as a courier between business and I was in a shipping dock picking up some heavy boxes. Now as I squated to pick one up my pants ripped at the back seam and “everything” flopped out at the peak of the squat. Now this wouldn’t have been an issue had I not been fresh out of undergarments due to a laundry mistake. It was instantaneous. The loud and fast rip, the sudden drop and freedom of “everything” bouncing forth and the immediate crispness of the outside air on my hotdog and velvet purse. I immediately stood up to conceal the exposure and checked around but there was nobody there. I was still mortified. Tied my hoodie around my waist and eventually made my way to target to pick up some fresh pants. But I’ll forever dread the thought that maybe someone saw my Oscar Meyer but was equally as mortified to have witnessed this catastrophic event
Comments
i loved the narration haha
Dude. I laughed so hard at this. Just the sheer chance that you happened to not be wearing underwear😂
that’s why you always wear underwear i guess
Thanks for the laugh. Sorry for your inconvenience
Great story, but definitely botty.
It’s probably caught on CCTV somewhere 😂
If you didn’t hear a loud laugh no one noticed. The little guy is safe, tell him not to worry he will not be a YT short anytime soon.
Baloney!
I had to read this to my husband because Holy fuck!! 🤣😂🤣😂
I’m sorry this happened but holy fuck it’s funny 😂😂
Velvet purse. That one’s going to stay with me for awhile.
I’m dying laughing. Im so sorry this happened to you
Ah you did a Lenny Kravitz I see.
The title alone is just enough comic relief lol
Whether real or fake, don’t care.
It was funny, the narration sealed it. 10/10.
This happened to me once at work, but I had underwear on. Ended up stapling my pants back together because they wouldn’t let me go home lol. It worked
My peter and my skeeter out for all to see… 😂
You have a way with words. 🤣
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I always wear shorts under my pants LOL
You are correct. No one saw anything!
I had an old bra explode while I was ringing a customer. Thankfully I was wearing a polo shirt but it had to have been noticeable… I hope no one saw your shame either, that would have been impossible to come back from!
Velvet. Purse.
Velvet purse. Took some time to hit home😂😂. Great narration btw❤️!
VELVET PURSE!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Velvet purse lolll
Oscar Mayer wiener
Not the crisp air on the Johnson!!!
My hot dog and velvet purse has me rolling! Thanks for the good start to the day.
Went to the store to buy new pants but not new boxers, hmmm, makes sense
cameras on loading docks?
Thirst trap 🪤
“I wish I had an Oscar Meyer Weiner” murmured the creepy weird mutant serial killer guy to himself as he stared from his attic window, fapping furiously while the image was still fresh in his mind
It’s on camera somewhere I imagine. Hehehe
I’m hard
oh boy do i have a video for you
https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/uxuhic/hero/?rdt=42269
Immediately reminded of the Alien Abduction SNL skits with Kate McKinnon
Female here but I had a couple pairs of jeans that were favorites well worn and comfortable. Twice in one week my jeans split at the ass seam while I was out and about in public. Good thing I’m not a big fan of the thong!!
this happened to my girlfriend once. I laughed the entire hour it took me to drive to her so I could bring her a fresh pair of pants.
Instant advertising.
Can you imagine if you didn’t have means? So you couldn’t buy the new pair of pants. You’d have to go the entire day Freeballing with a hoodie and what if you had to bike home?
This exact same thing happened to Lenny kravitz at a concert during a guitar solo, haha
“Bounced forth,” lol.
Velvet purse?!?! No man’s nut sac has ever been called a “velvet purse”. No man’s nut sac would ever say it, and no woman that has ever encountered one would say it.
Velvet purse is crazy lmao
This happened to me in high school during lunch in front of about 100 people, jumped onto a 3 foot ledge in some Arizona brand khakis ripped those and some cheap Hanes boxer shorts from my ass to my dick, had to walk with my ass hanging out and my dick and balls in my hands to the bathroom in front of all those people and wait for my mom to drop off shorts.
This was hilarious and poetic at the same time. All those precise descriptions got me lol
I need this read aloud in an Edwardian accent
Loading bay cameras…
I also used to miscalculate laundry day and end up commando at a laundry mat
Didn’t have tears in my eyes from laughing for a while now, you broke that streak.
The playback on the camera that captured this moment
Hot dog and velvet purse 🤣
hot dog and velvet purse has me crying at work😭😭
Velvet purse! 😂🤣
Some Shakespeare wording there 😅
Not into that, retard. Keep fishing.
It’s just a penis, not the end of the world
🎶 Vienna in theeeee winnnnnd will I ever see you agaiiiiiinnnn!? 🎶
I did something similar as a lady. Wearing underwear, mind you.
Working at a store, kinda swung my leg over something while moving it, pants tore down the crotch. New coworker was across the bag that I had my leg up on. She got a full view.
Anyway, I guess it made for a good ice breaker because we were friends after that.
This is so poetically written…
Sorry about your Oscar Meyer being exposed, but…Thanks for the laugh!
Don’t worryyyyy!! On time at work a colleague of mine (a male) squatted and ripped the pants of his suit 🤣 I handed him a stapler to close the hole.. we were laughing so hard 🤣
I gotta ask, you bought underwear too?
Buys new pants yet didn’t mention new underpants. No lessons learned otherwise.
This you?
This happened to my dad while working the canoe ride at Disneyland in the 70’s. The leather pants were so tight and stiff they rarely wore underwear. He swatted down one day to answer the phone and it all fell out. I’m still waiting for the day when someone says “ once when I was little at Disneyland a guy ripped his pants and I saw everything” 🤣🤣🤣
Your chonger is likely being laughed at by the security guard watching the docks cctv and recording it with his phone. We should see you pop up on r/watchpeopledieinside in no time.
I like the serendipitous nature of it what with it being “out of undergarments day” and all. The dear God Lady does have a sense of humor. 🤣😁
Bro 😭 u/NoMorningCRV
Man now I want pigs in a blanket
Semper ubi, sub ubi!
I see you and feel your pain.
haha this made me laugh
well if there was someone there who’s never seen a dick before, today was their lucky day!
I had this happen at work. Didn’t wear panties that day bcz i just didn’t want to. My husband was always giving me crap telling me I was gonna regret it one day. I have no clue how long the ass of my pants were ripped out. I dont know when it happened. It was not a little rip, if anyone seen they seen it all. I work in the maintenance dept of my work. No one said anything to me. Needless to say i know wear panties. I still have panic about it bcz how did I not know or feel it. Lol.
You’ll be fine… I once had to show a very attractive MD my crispy burnt sausage and cutlets and explain a very tragic welding accident
“Bounced forth”
Alright well, gonstart a band on the beach with a bunch of other downtrodden “losers”.
I ripped my pants at work one day. Several people saw it. I did the same thing, went to target, got some pants and changed into them. By the 3rd day nobody ever mentioned it again. Even then the comments were mostly sympathetic.
On the motorbike and noticed a lady pulled over with a flat tyre, yeppers I have time to help.
Parked the bike, pulled the spare, jacked up the car, removed the flat, threw the new one on… sitting on the gutter grabbing the lug nuts… what is that breeze I’m feeling, at this point the lady is fairly close watching what I am doing… I realise I have torn my jeans up the centre seam and my gear is just hanging out keeping cool… course it’s a no jocks day.
Never been so red faced in my life!!
I hope I did those nuts up right
No worries, you’ll live on in memories via the CCTV 🙂
Don’t worry it’s all on camera lol
Now I’m having corn dogs to eat.
Now, to enquire further about the nature of this… ‘bounce’. I believe you mean the bounce was the release from the fabric, but I did momentarily think you meant they bounced on the ground, like you were suddenly dribbling the twins.
Velvet purse…Ahahaha!
It happens to the best of us man. I was marking out some speakers to cut in a customers house, had two ladders setup next to each other and went to step from one to the other. It was a bit more of a stretch than my jeans could handle and there was suddenly a loud rip and everything was exposed. I had just ordered some new briefs from amazon and didn’t realize they had a dick pouch and the material was kind of sheer (still wtf about that). The customer and my boss saw it all. She laughed it off and said it was the most action she’d seen in a decade. My boss started telling everyone I wear lingerie under my work clothes. He let me make a quick run to Kohls for some new pants on the company card though.
Reminds me of that episode of SpongeBob SquarePants where he ripped his pants.
🫣🫣🫣
Not your Charlie Brown’s and you Linus?!
Do you happen to yellow, square? And with ridges? Perhaps porous or very spongey? I think I’ve seen this episode somewhere before
Love a good fruit basket
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😂😂😂
Hahhahahaa
I’ve seen a video of someone bustin’ down a dance move, squatting, ripping his pants, dick and balls flying out for just an instant. And it was the most hilarious thing of my life. Even his parts looked startled
This happened to me too. I was working at a computer store and I went to sit down and boom: my balls were touching the fabric of the chair instead of my pants. Totally out.
My coworker had a long cardigan thing on that she let me borrow to hide the problem while I went into the bathroom with a stapler and no better plan.
I kerned this lesson once. I have an extra pair of underwear, pants, socks, shirt and sweatshirt at work in case this happens. Same stash
In the back of my car
>velvet purse
💀.
Wccc ccxcxc ccxccxxxxxxxxxccxccxcccxcxccccccxxccxcccccccxxcccxxcxccccxxccxcxxxcccxxxcc c c c cc cc c cc
I made an emergency run to Target the minute they opened after blowing out the crotch on the only pants I had on vacation. At least I was wearing a jock but my ass was in the public domain.
I’ve had a spare change of clothes at work for over 20 years. Doesn’t matter if I get something spilled, get full of mud, or split a seam…
The last time I split my jeans was at the end of 2023. Had squatted down to move a ~600lbs spool of wire, and as soon as I pushed up/out on the spool I split my jeans from the belt to the crotch.
Well if that happened to i would have guess it’s time for new pants.
I had a similar event except it was summer and I had swim trunks on while working on a sailboat. I thought it was weird that the woman the pier over seemed so interested in watching me until I realized the front of my shorts ripped and I was on display. Based on the sunburn it had been hanging out for a while. I still don’t regret cutting out that mesh lining because that shit is uncomfortable.
Wait 6 months and CCTV footage will come out of the dongle incident.
Hot
After reading the comment and laughing my ass off, I imagined Morgan Freeman was narrating. I’m dying.
nah the way u described that like a shakespearean tragedy had me crying. “hotdog and velvet purse” gonna haunt me in the best way. listen, you lived through the worst-case scenario and still had the nerve to strut into Target commando like a mf legend. the trauma is real but so is the resilience. whoever might’ve seen that unexpected deli counter moment is probs still in shock and silently rooting for u
I ripped. My pants https://youtu.be/pmAfOTLd1Sk?feature=shared
Pics or it never happened 😂
I remember a video where a man is dancing on a stage in front of a crowd and he does a sort of weird fast squat motion and his ol’ frank n’ beans pop out in front of everyone.
Hot dog and velvet purse 🤣 💀. Priceless.
You have a hot dog and a velvet purse? I always thought the velvet purse was describing a set of “innie” genitals, like when you open the purse and it’s lined with red velvet.
Hot dog and velvet purse.
😂
I’m 💀💀💀💀
Velvet purse is definitely going into my vocabulary