I’m going to write this in two parts, one will be the issue that was my fault and the second is stuff my best friend says I’m not taking into consideration.
So when I was 10-13 (I’m not sure the age I’m just going based on when I was in a specific house), I played an online MMO called SWTOR. On that platform I met a man I’ll call Kenny. Kenny was 24, I told him I was 16. We talked a lot and started flirting and we got very inappropriate and eventually shared Google info to the video on that Google site, hangout or something? On that video I showed him inappropriate things. Later he revealed he lived near me and I had a friend of mine drive me to meet him. I barely avoided losing my virginity that day and had climbed out of the bathroom window to get out.
I initiated the flirting, I pushed the conversation to adult topics. it’s not Kenny’s fault that I was sexual towards him. My parents, specifically my mom, would bring this up to embarrass me to family and frankly it is embarrassing because I almost ruined that man’s life.
My best friend I’ll call Pat.
I told Pat about this part of my life and he mentioned other things I told him about and said that the reason I did that was because of those.
he brought up that I told him when I was younger my dad yelled at me because I found his hentai video tape when I was about 5 or 7 (once again going based on what house I lived in) and watches almost half of it before being discovered. He brought up that I told him that when I was 8 or 9 I had found my dad’s adult magazines and read all of them. He also brought up that I found their toys and journals and more magazines at around the same age and I was given a bunch of smut books a year or so later. Pat says that all of that influenced my decisions and I think it didn’t. I was old enough to know what I was doing, I even knew if my parents caught me I’d be in trouble. My parents agree that it was my fault.
Pat is really upset that I don’t understand his point of view but it was clearly my fault right? I mean If I was a cop this would be entrapment for Kenny.
I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask.i just need a parental voice on this, I’m sorry.
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It was absolutely not your fault. He was an adult and even if you said you were 16 that’s still too young, he should have walked away immediately after you said your age.
None of this was never your fault, you were a child who was groomed
Okay. I’m going to be internet big sister, not internet parent, since I’m closer to Kenny’s age than your parents’ age. I have also had someone inappropriately younger have a crush on me.
Having a crush on an older person and wanting to pursue it is, I would dare say, a really normal part of tween/teenagerhood. What is not normal is a 24-year-old responding like that to a 16-year-old, especially when said 16-year-old is pretty clearly not 16. Any reasonable person, when confronted with a crush like that, would draw boundaries to make
sure that nothing ever, ever happened, while also doing their best to be kind to the young person because crushes at that age are crazy. Kenny’s response was absolutely, entirely his fault, and it was completely wrong. You were not the adult in this situation – he was, and even if you pursued him, he betrayed you so, so deeply.
It’s possible you put yourself in a dangerous situation here – it’s also possible, and I’d say more likely, that Kenny knew you were vulnerable and either manipulated you into wanting him or took advantage of your crush. Either way: you are not at fault. I have some um, choice words for your parents for ever letting you believe that – it sounds like they too failed you.
Hugs, kiddo. That is a hell of a betrayal, and if you can get help beyond a Reddit post, I really really hope you can. ❤️
Hey there. Random Internet Dad here.
Your parents are wrong on this one. Your friend isn’t exactly right either, but I think the most important part is that your parents are acting like a kid who was maybe 12 or 13 should be held responsible for making adult decisions. You agree because it’s you, and you feel responsible.
The thing is, people who are that age make bad choices all the time. It’s part of the whole deal. You’re supposed to learn from them while you’re in a supportive environment, so by the time you’re on your own, you trust yourself to make good choices. So try to forgive your younger self if you can. That kid was doing something that probably felt exciting and interesting at the time, and learned a big scary lesson.
But much, much more importantly is that you’ve been blaming yourself for almost ruining a man’s life when that man was absolutely not worried about what he was doing to you. There is no way he thought you were old enough to be making the decisions you were making, and he was a full-grown adult man. The adult in the room is the one responsible, always – no matter what the 12-year-old is doing, adults aren’t supposed to hurt children.
He tried to hurt you, and he knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t think you were an adult. He didn’t even think you were 16. What happened to you was horrifying enough, and you know it could have been worse. I’m glad you’re okay.
If my teenager came to me with this story, I wouldn’t mock them or blame them. We’d talk about what was going on, what they learned, how to stay safe in the future. I’d have some very big feelings that I hadn’t kept my kid safe, and I’d deal with those myself, and not make them my kid’s responsibility.
So the truth is: your parents mocking you for this isn’t great. But it’s also not automatically the result of previous experiences. It’s the kind of mistake a lot of teenagers make, for lots of reasons. And the adults in your life are supposed to be helping protect you from anything really bad while you’re learning to make fewer mistakes in the future.
I hope this is helpful. Whatever else is true, please try to be kind to yourself.