If you want the full context it’s here – https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/T5HXjVsYS1
But essentially after I told my brothers ex fiancée that the ring he used to propose was a keepsake I kept of my late sister she gave it back and I presume broke up with him
As of now I’ve been staying at my friends house and will be moving in to stay with my bf for a bit when he comes back from holiday
My parents have taken his side and they want nothing to do with me my brother is the same
No one in my family even if they are sympathetic can get through to them and amend stuff. It seems the only way to repair the relationship would be to give the ring back but even then I don’t think I can
I’m at a lost and idk what to do and how to go about it feels like I’ll never be able to come home.
Comments
If I were you I’d let it stay the way it is until they came around to my side (if that ever happened). You had this ring for 7 years, it sounds like you’ve even worn this ring occasionally. Your brother had to have intentionally gone into the area you stored this ring and stolen it instead of asking. His ex fiancé left him because he wanted to try to start their marriage with stolen property instead of something he purchased for her. I’d also personally be unsettled that I was given a dead siblings ring if I were her.
Doesn’t sound like much of a loss, to be honest. That sounds awful, but truly, if this is how they’re acting, just move on. Make your own family with people you choose. You don’t need these people.
Just block them and move on. If you don’t block them, you’ll be subconsciously (or consciously) waiting for them to call you and beg you to come back. Don’t live like that. Block them, and be HAPPY.
They are focusing on the wedding, not your feelings.
Consider family therapy to mediate. If not, focus on your chosen family and healing. Time might soften things, but protect yourself now
Move forward they will regret it
Maybe your cheapskate brother should have used a new ring, or at least an engagement ring to propose.
But reading the old post, this was your sisters ring, it wasn’t yours, and wasn’t given to you, you just assumed it. Why was it okay for you to assume the ring, but not for your brother to assume it? It actually sounds like he asked your parents for the ring, you never did.
But saying that, it is weird and gross to use the ring as an engagement ring, unless this girl and your sister were best friends when they were kids, that would make it the only way to be acceptable to use it for an engagement ring.
If your brothers fiance ended the relationship, its not just about the ring.
Wait this one out. Your brother didn’t use a family heirloom stored in his mother’s jewelry box and lovingly handed down. He didn’t use a ring he had kept in his own possession as a memento of your shared sister. He went into your things and took the ring without talking to you first. What he did was creepy. That is why his girlfriend did not become a fiancé.
People will figure out the truth of the situation if they calm down and think about what actually happened.
You did nothing wrong. Your brother ruined his marriage and his ex fiancee saw that.
Carry on with your life. Hopefully this will blow over eventually.
Tell me your not the favourite without telling me!!
Your parents are messed up.. If it’s ‘just a ring’ then why is it bothering them?
Your brother can ask your Mum to give him hers to use, I mean.. it’s just a ring right?
Trash took itself out.
He STOLE from you, knowing that you love that ring, and then tried to make it your fault. The rest of the family is trash as well.
Find a chosen family and leave these people in your past. Keep the ring.
I am so sorry.
You got the ring back. Which was what you wanted. Hundreds of people told you there may be consequences. These are the consequences. Your whole family sound selfish anyway. Just block them all and move on.
Keep the ring, focus on yourself.
Stupid you brother did not go out and buy a ring. He is a idiot his own fault not yours. This GF might even found it strange to get is dead sisters ring. It’s not like it was a Grandmother ring from either side or even his mothers ring.
If this girlfriend really loved him. Another ring would have worked. She would still be with him. That is a HUGE JOKE she left him over this. She knows he was bad for taking it from you. That’s the problem.
Sorry but you family is really messed up. Shame on them. I hope you move on and let go of them and go No Contact. Right now they all hoping to break you emotionally. By being so mean and cutting you off.
It may go on for months but let them be the first to contact you. Even then I take my time responding to them. I still can’t get over the wicked sick smile you mother did to you when you saw they took the ring and gave it to your brother without talking to you Sick Game she played. Bad Parent.
She never thought to talk to you . Really Shame on your mom.
I kind of think you family is kind of sick with the game they are playing. Even if you gave them the ring back the would still treat you like shit. Come to find out they are not great people sorry.
Sometimes it’s best to stay out of other people’s business.
Giving the ring back doesn’t bring the fiancé back. Keep the ring.
Please clarify where your mother or brother took this ring from. Was it in a box in your room?
There was always going to be a consequence for him taking the ring and you getting it back. Be okay with that.
Yep don’t give it to them
Your brother HAD to have gone though where the ring was stored, and taken it.
That is TRASH behavior, and his gf recognized it. Your brother let her know who he was, she listened and broke up with him.
You’re in a clearly morally tenable position. The only thing you can do are to hold fast or sacrifice your morals for the sake of peace.
They’re all okay with gifting a ring without revealing the source?? Thats truly disturbing. Not your fault – ur brother should have been honest.
For right or for wrong ultimately the only thing you can do is give it time. Nobody here on reddit know the dynamics of your family but I mean what did you think was going to happen? I’m not trying to be mean but the reality of this situation is you threw down over your sisters ring because it is important to you.
Personally I’d move whatever you can out of your parents house now and get any important documents now and keep them with you where ever you end up. Will your friend let you stay with them till you can move in with your bf? Are you in school are your parents paying for it? If so I’d look at student loans and jobs just to be on the safe side that support might end. This is all worst case scenario stuff and I’m not trying to scare you but you do need to prepare, as I said I don’t know the dynamics of your family and how far they will take this.
I really hope everything works out for you and that nothing comes down to the worst case situation but better safe than sorry.
Have you gotten the ring back?
Nothing wrong with your brother giving his fiance an engagement ring that was a ring passed down from his sister as long as it was his to give. If however, if the ring was given to you and he took it without your permission then he’s in the wrong and so were your parents. Family or no family. You don’t go taking stuff that doesn’t belong to you. I wish you all the luck in the world. I’m assuming your brother was the favorite?.
Please bear in mind that you have done nothing wrong. Your brother stole the ring and lied about its provenance. This is why his relationship ended. Because of his lies and deceit. His ex also did the right thing in returning the ring and was also able to see your brother’s behaviour as the egregious act it was.
Home is a place you feel welcome and loved. It doesn’t sound like this is a home for you any more. I’m so sorry that your brother’s deceit has created a rift. But your family are letting you know how little they value truth and honesty. You can’t be around that. Nothing you own would be safe.
Keep the ring on your finger and let them handle their shit. Your parents and brother stole something, something very important to you, from you. They should be asking for forgiveness not giving you a hard time. If the ring was the reason your brother and his fiancée split then guaranteed there is more going on there.
You need to shift your focus away from repair and onto safeguarding your own life.
Right now you need to put ALL of your energy into making plans for your life. All the immediate life things and planning the steps towards larger and more long term goals. Now that you’re on your own you can’t afford the mental and emotional drain that ruminating on your parents unloving behaviour will cause. Put it on the back burner.
Don’t chase them at all. If they chase you, then ask “why is your love for me conditional on hiding my brother’s wrong doing?”
Did you actually win this one? Because your parents and brother lost your sister too. And obviously that cheap ring meant as much to them as it does to you.
Although; any woman I know would be creeped out and by a guy that proposed with his ‘dead sister’s cheap ass silver ring from Spensers’.
Especially after his younger sister lost her mind over it.
I’d have thrown it at the two of you.
Get the help you need
Has anyone in your family had therapy to cope with their loss?
Because if your parents have health insurance call and make an appointment immediately.
There is no way fiancée broke up with your brother only because of the ring. Their breakup is not your fault.
Your parents and brother were awful to you during this entire situation, and now they’re just disgusting. I hope you can make peace with the knowledge that you’re better off without them.
Family doesn’t have to mean sharing DNA. Find your own family, a new family, from the people who love you and treat you like you deserve.
I think your brother made it sound like the ring was a cherished keepsake he had been holding on to, waiting for “the one” to give it to.
Instead he was just being a cheap ass. That was my gut thought when I read the first part of this story yesterday. OP you did nothing wrong. Wait it out. Ignore them all right the fuck back. All you did was tell the truth.
I think if the fiance dumped him it’s because somewhere there’s an elaborate lie about the ring. OP you said it wasn’t extra nice or expensive or anything — typically people want something “nice” as an engagement ring, maybe a little fancy. You know, an actual engagement ring!
The only way a guy can skate by with something that pretty much has no value as an engagement ring is if it comes with some kind of backstory.
Updateme
You’ve done nothing wrong. Accept that your brother is the golden child and move on with your life. Process your feelings, but don’t dwell in them.
Guys, OP said the brother asked the parents for the ring, and they said yes! They are all being assholes to OP. The one thing she chose to keep for herself, from her sister who passed away, and they go behind her back and simply take it from her? How awful.
OP, I am so sorry!
Can’t even comprehend family cutting off their blood relative over a ring. It’s insane to me.