This is really long bare with me. . I’m struggling with an unplanned pregnancy just confirmed yesterday. My mom had come with me to the ER and she obviously found out at the same time and I was absolutely terrified of my dad’s reaction to my pregnancy as he has extremely high expectations of me and my siblings. My older sister left two years ago because they didn’t accept her being trans.aka they abused her . I expected him to fly off the handle at news of my pregnancy and hurt me but he almost seemed happy about it and now he is talking about how I need to marry the father and grow up and be a mother. About how this may be his only chance at grandchildren because of my “sorry disappointment of a brother” HIS WORDS NOT MINE, and I just feel so much dread. I can’t marry this man. I didn’t completely want an abortion but now it’s absolutely out of the question. (EDIT: again I don’t WANT an abortion please no more advice to have one). I’m terrified if I did have a miscarriage at this point he would accuse me of doing something. I feel extremely stuck right now and I wish I had different parents and I wish I could go back and not be alone with the baby’s father at all ever. I didn’t want to have sex but I couldn’t say no either and now I’m fucked. I hate this so much.
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We strongly recommend that anyone who is sexually active educate themselves on things like anatomy, pregnancy/STI prevention, and consent. You may find the following resources helpful:
ScarleteenTons of free information on sex, gender/sexual identity, and relationships
Planned Parenthood sex ed to go: Contains short lessons on a variety of topics, available in English and Spanish
Planned Parenthood: birth control 101: Information on birth control options, including condoms, birth control pills, and longer-term options like the Depo shot, IUD’s, and implants.
Planned Parenthood: emergency contraception: If you’ve had unprotected sex, you may be able to take EC (“the morning-after pill” or Plan B) up to 3 days afterwards to potentially prevent pregnancy.
“The Guide to Getting it On”: A very comprehensive book about all aspects of sexual health, including the fun stuff! Easy to read and a very helpful resource.
National Abortion Federation: If you need to terminate a pregnancy, this org provides information, referrals, and financial assistance.
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You do NOT have to have this baby. Your dad doesn’t get a say. No one does but you.
Oh sweetie. You sound like you were coerced into sex and have a family that gives you very little autonomy. Can I ask your age group and region? That will help me make suitable recommendations.
Are you 18? You do not have to have this baby. You can seek help and resources and worse case tell your parent’s you miscarried. You were raped. This was NOT consent. Can you reach out to your sister for help?
Please don’t marry that person just because you are pregnant. You don’t have to have this baby. There are places you can move to. If you decide to have the baby, that’s okay, too, but don’t marry this man just because you’re pregnant or just because your parents want you.
I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. I hope you are able to get some resources soon.
You can give the baby up for adoption. You do not need to mary the father especially if you don’t want a relationship with him. Do not let anyone force you into marriage. Hugs you will be okay.
How far along is the pregnancy?
Come to New Mexico for an abortion!!
I just got married at a courthouse and they make you raise your hand and swear you aren’t being coerced or forced to get married. If it really comes down to it, you say you’re being forced and object your own marriage. The officiant is obligated to stop the ceremony and talk to you privately. You do NOT have to marry this man. Absolutely not. It is your life. Your body. Your choice. Please make sure it is known that you do not want to get married right now. Tell trusted adults, friends, tell the boy himself! You do NOT have to marry him. Doesn’t matter what your father says. He cannot force you. No one can.
DON’T MARRY SOMEONE YOU DON’T WANT TO THAT MAKES LIFE HARDER
You were raped and having your rapists baby is a hard road ahead, for both you and the baby. Are you going to be able to raise a baby lovingly and wholeheartedly knowing the circumstances? Can you accept the potential life this may bring for you (the forced marriage, fear of your father)? Do you want to live in fear for your life until you are able to divorce the father of your baby? What will life be like having to have the father of your baby in it for the rest of your life?
Fear is a very strong emotion, and as hard as it is to make logical choices regarding your future, it is the most important thing you have to do right now. It is your life, not your parents, not the baby’s only yours. Wishing things would be different is normal but not helpful. You can’t change the past but you have logical (adult) choices to make about your future.
They will suck, it will hurt, and it will hard but you have some growing up to do in under 4 weeks with every choice being an option.
You don’t have to marry anyone.
Your father doesn’t get a say unless you let him.
How does the baby’s father feel about all of this?