Can we just agree that when parents say “you’ll always have a home here,” they really mean “you’ll have a home… in my basement, forever”? I’m 25, have a job, and am fully capable of adulting – except apparently in my parents’ eyes. So, anyone else trapped in the “I’m not kicking you out, just kindly encouraging you to stay forever” club?
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what
What are you saying? That your parents are preventing you from moving out by offering you free rent?
I get you. A lot of people think it’s just a case of ‘up and leave’, but we can’t help wanting to make our parents happy. It’s hardwired into us. So it is infuriating when we don’t get the encouragement and motivation we want/need from our parents because they’d rather we stay there forever, like their lifelong companions.
Maybe it is a cultural thing. A friend who I can’t remember not knowing lived with her folks until they passed. Her older brother did too.
Both the adult children had good jobs and worked all the time. They loved their parents and helped around the house.
My friend bought her own house when her mom died.
I was smart and downsized. Kids can visit but over the holidays they rent an Airbnb.
So move out?
“Kindly encouraging you to stay” is a completely different thing than “trapped.” You seem really confused about what situation you are in. Or are you just pending it’s their fault instead of admitting this decision is your responsibility?
Please do some thinking and figure out if you want to stay or if you want to go. If you want to stay then stop complaining and enjoy it. If you want to go, start making plans and mentally preparing yourr parents that you’re going to move out.
r/raisedbynarcissists ?
Bank all of your extra money. Make a game of it. That or move out. You have a safety net if you fail; perfect. Give it a try. Life is different on your own and you definitely grow up when you have to do things for yourself. There’s a cost to everything so weigh out your priorities.
As I seen in another post different cultures think differently about this but from my experience people who don’t move out do tend to be stunted into taking the next steps in life.
ETA you can’t get the encouragement that you want from them so let that part go. You’ll have to make up your own mind and do what’s best for you even if it’s hard. Sorry they aren’t giving you both a place to land and the encouragement to build your own.