at my 15th birthday, i had a huge birthday party. i had all my family and extended family over. i come from a cultured background so if you know how many family members we have, you know. i had around 100 people.
i got so many cards so when i got home, me and my parents opened up all the cards. in the cards, i got money. cash. the money added up to around 1.3k or 1.5k. i can’t really remember as it was 3 years ago. i wanted to use it. who wouldn’t? it’s so much money. but my dad said no and that he would put it in a bank account for me.
i was upset but i got over it because im thinking i’ll just get it when i’m 18. im 18 in a few weeks. i asked my mum where that money was. as it wasn’t in my bank account that i have currently because in the uk, you have a child trust fund that you get automatically when you’re born and your parents can put money it whenever they want. so in that child trust fund i have around £500.
my mum has always dodged the question when i asked her where that money is. so i asked her today and that i want the real answer. turns out, they spent the money. all £1000 of it. every single penny.
im especially upset now because i’m planning on going to university outside of london so i need as much money as i can get. and that money from my 15th could help me tremendously. also my brother just had his 15th. they let him keep the money he got and actually let him spend it, on whatever he wanted. theres a clear difference between how they treat my brother and me.
i don’t really know what to do because my mum has always brought up the fact that i should pay them back for what they did for me. and i have always responded that it was their job to do what they did for me. they chose to be parents, i never chose to come here. their job was to put food in my mouth, to put a roof over my head, to put clothes on my back and to give me as much as they possibly can. but they don’t understand it.
if anyone has any advice on how to go about this and ask for the money in a respectful way, please help me.
Comments
Your parents are thieving AHs.
That said, whenever anyone goes down the path of, “I didn’t choose to be born,” I’m prepared to ignore whatever else they have to say.
I’d send an email out to all of the family members letting them know what happened. Your parents may think they don’t have to explain it to you, but that won’t fly with other adults.
NTA
First of all, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Not every family member has the same perspective on how things should be. When parents do stuff like this, I can see why they think it comes from a place of deserving. But you are absolutely right. That money is yours. If they had taken it and invested it for you, or kept it until you were 18, I would see no problem. But they took birthday gifts that were yours and had no right to use it. You are absolutely in the right. Now whether or not they will pay you back is another thing. If your parents were willing to do that, I’m sure they would have apologized by now. But since they are set in the mentality of “you owe us” they might never want to. Or maybe they can’t afford to and that’s why they spent it in the first place. I would sit down with your family in a very serious manner. No jokes. Be as adult as you can and tell them that what they did was not ok. You understand where they are coming from but that doesn’t give them the right to spend your money without your consent, regardless of how much you have contributed financially. You are their child and it is the responsibility to care for you, keep you safe and healthy, not to take money from you. Again, if you were like 30 with no job then maybe I would get it. Be as mature and assertive as possible.
That sucks. I guess your parents where in a worse economic situation for your 15th than at your brothers.
I hope you guys can wor something out!
NTA. Start pawning their belongings and see how they like it.
Hey, literally the same thing is happening to me because I’ve been lending my money since I was 15 and I don’t know how much it was, but more than a million was gone and the truth is I haven’t seen a single peso dropped on me. They’re spending it on them and who knows when they’ll give it back to me.
I say that you tell them that it was enough for her to have your money and that they did not see it spent on them because the money is yours and they only saw why to take it for other things if they had been for your benefits, yes, but if not, they should give it back to you, hey.
What ethnicity are we talking?
I’m from a pakistani background. I had something similar happen – albeit not such a large sum.
The way they see it, gifts are transactional. They have given £100/£000000 at other peoples bdays and events.
And now its time to be repaid. My parents didnt really care who came. It wasn’t my day. It was just a transaction. They kept it all and i got a bolocking for even daring to speak up.
I, too, come from a cultured background. Like the other 8 billion of us.
Was it £1300, £1500 or £1000?
I would 100% email!
Hi everyone,
I’ve been going back and forth on whether to say anything, but I’ve decided to be honest because I think you deserve to know.
When I turned 15, a lot of you gave me birthday cards with money, and I was genuinely so thankful. At the time, my parents told me they were saving it for me for when I was older because it amounted to a decent sum. I’ve now found out that the money was spent and none of it was ever kept for me.
I’m not saying this to ask withany expectation I want to be really clear on that. This isn’t about trying to get more gifts or sympathy. I just believe that if someone gives something with kindness and trust, they should be told if it didn’t reach the person it was meant for. Apparently my asking has done nothing so I am living in hope that adults will be able to see how wrong this was and help me right it.
I’m sharing this now because I’m turning 18 and starting university soon, and I’d always hoped that money would be there as a bit of a safety net. Maybe there’s still a chance it can be made right, but either way, I thought you should know the truth.
Thank you again for celebrating with me and for your generosity. It meant a lot then, and it still does.
A lot of parents think of their children as a financial investment instead of an actual child and they’re expecting the returns incredibly early. And they don’t even understand the current economy.