My partner of six years and I are in the same career field and are doing a Master’s degree outside our home country. We both perform very similarly in terms of grades, responsibility and even knowledge, as we have the same Bachelor’s degree.
We’ve both applied for a very good project that we’d both like to be involved in, but there’s only one vacancy and the supervisor told us that we’re both competing for it and he’s sort of asked us to choose which one of us should go.
The options he gave us were:
If one of the other members of the group withdraws from the project, we can both go.
Otherwise we can:
1.Tell him why each of us should go.
2.Choose one of us (we make the decision)
3. Both say ‘no’ and another person takes that place.
Each of us wants the other to do the project, but of course both of us will be a bit sad that one cannot take part. The ideal situation would be to work together because we know how to do things and because we want to. I know it’s not always possible to be together, but this time it’s difficult.
What can we do?
I think this is a great opportunity for both of us.
We have been through this before, but we have never had to decide for ourselves. For example, if I get X opportunity that we both applied for, he is sad, but he is always supportive and happy for me. I think I have done the same with the opportunities he gets.
Neither he nor I are toxic or jealous, but if he goes I will be really happy for him, but thinking that I ALSO (not instead of him) could have gone and be a bit sad.
TL;DR: We have to choose which one will go in a project where both are in competition with each other. Both of us are supportive, but it is a great opportunity for both of us.