tl;dr: my partner (29M) and i (26F) have been together for 1.5 years and lived together. he recently started grad school and suddenly asked for space, saying he’s not sure what he wants. we agreed to stay in contact, and he says he still loves and misses me, but he’s emotionally shut down. i’m spiraling, trying to hold on, and don’t know if we’re on a break or breaking up. i just want to know how to survive this, if there’s hope, and how to make it through the uncertainty. please be gentle.
i’m 26f, and my partner (29m) and i have been together for 1.5 years. we live together, share two deeply bonded dogs, and were building a life i truly thought was forever. out of nowhere, right after starting a demanding grad school program, he said he needed space to think and left to stay in an empty apartment that his parents own with an air mattress and no microwave. he took one of the dogs with him, and now our other dog is clearly grieving. i am too.
he says he still loves me, still misses me, but that he’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. we agreed to check in daily, and while our conversations have mostly been calm and sometimes warm, he sounds emotionally flat and shut down. he’s even said he feels apathetic. we’re supposed to see each other soon, and i’m terrified about what that means.
one of the biggest things he brings up is his fear of turning into his father, someone strict and emotionally distant, and that i remind him of his mother, who was more relaxed and gentle, especially with the dogs. it feels like he’s projecting his unresolved family trauma onto our relationship, and it’s crushing me. i’ve been honoring the space he asked for, but i feel completely destabilized. i haven’t been eating or sleeping. i had to call out of work. i’ve been spiraling.
what’s making this even harder is that i’m leaving for europe in a few days and might be getting on that plane not knowing if i’m still in a relationship. i feel like i’ve lost my home, my best friend, and my sense of safety all at once. i love him so much, and i want to find a way through this. i believe in us, but i don’t know what to do.
has anyone been through something like this? did it work out? how did you survive it?
please be gentle. i’m really struggling right now.