My partner (30F) has made it clear that she cannot sleep when my (30M) phone’s brightness is too high or there is any sound from the YouTube videos that I watch. I made it a rule to have the brightness at its lowest and sound completely muted.
We had an argument last week regarding a similar situation and I told her that I will leave my phone in the living room before bed. I now watch my own videos in the living room before bed.
Tonight, I broke that rule because she has been picking up chess and told me to download the iMessage chess app at around 11PM. It’s my fault for taking the phone and game to bed and that led me to be lazy and finish one video in bed. I’m not excusing myself from this, just trying to retrace my steps.
I did the usual lower brightness, mute video, and face away from her so that she can sleep in peace. But this is where the recurring issue happens: she usually monitors me to make sure the video is not running while I’m sleeping. She caught me dozing off and I became slightly more awake, and politely excused myself to finish the video in the living room.
At this point, I’m slightly more awake but do fall into cycles of dozing and full consciousness and I see that she is calling me on the phone. Before I can answer she comes towards me and says she’s been calling me several times through the phone. I hate escalating our arguments and I tell her “Yes, I see you’re calling, I’m just finishing this video.” We argue over the play-by-play of what happened and it turns into an escalated situation that I feel like didn’t need to happen. I’m in the living room to watch my videos while she sleeps in peace.
I understand she’s trying to help me develop a better sleeping schedule but it feels like she’s controlling my phone use and invading my personal space. I don’t think this points to sensory disruption but rather hyper-vigilance and control masked as concern.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I think the big thing here is figuring out whether she is annoyed by your phone, or by your phone use.
Because fair enough on noise and brightness, but if she is calling you multiple times in the same house to try and get you to put your phone down… yeah….
Obviously phones before bed arent the best, but if thats a habit you want to change, it has to be something you do for yourself. She cant just force it out of you