My Partner Gets Defensive Every Time We Have a Serious Conversation and I am Thinking About Breaking Up

TL;DR: I’m 26 (F- woman) and my partner is 29 (M- they’re figuring out their gender) and we’ve been together 7 months.

Every time I try to have a serious conversation with them (for example, carefully expressing to them that they directly ignored a clear and reasonable boundary I set and how that really upset me), they immediately get defensive and, instead of addressing what I said, they respond by saying that they feel like their boundaries are are being disrespected (in this most recent case, they wanted to have a phone call to talk, but my throat felt constricted and just couldn’t speak or think well over the phone (they know this). As a result, I had previously expressed that if they wanted to talk right now, it would have to be over text, but we could also talk later when I feel more regulated. That is how I “disrespected their boundary.”)

I’ve tried to speak very thoughtfully with them many times about how their needs and boundaries matter to me, but when they immediately respond by centering themselves and how they feel hurt, it leaves no room for my needs and boundaries. I love them, but after all my attempts to be heard, my love for them just isn’t strong enough anymore to try again. I’ve realized this, but feel deep grief at the thought of ending our relationship because I know they have great potential for change and growth. It just seems that they’re not ready and I don’t want to keep waiting to be heard and respected by my own partner.

They basically told me to not contact them unless it’s through a phone call. It’s been about a day since then and I’m pretty sure I’m going to end our relationship, but I was just looking for what your takes are on this and if you have any advice <3