We both go to therapy, she says she talks about it occasionally, but I don’t pry, that’s between her and her therapist. I’ve gotten a vasectomy to make both of us feel safer, we’re both vehemently child-free, but she’s still terrified. She’s told me that even if she got a full hysterectomy, she would still never feel safe.
The hardest part about it is, I’ve never finished inside of her. I never even finish on her. She finds it demeaning, so I don’t never pushed to try it, even if I wanted to.
I keep telling her that we need to figure this out because she cannot live her entire life in fear of being pregnant, that’s no life. Her fear is crippling, that’s why I’m so concerned.
Edit: She’s looking into OCD testing with her therapist, and is already taking 25mg of Zoloft daily, just bumped up to 50mg the other day. I haven’t noticed any significant changes since she started the original dosage, but maybe the higher one will help. She’s told that if she ever got pregnant, she’d have to kill herself because she would be ruined.
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This level of fear is deeper than logic can fix, she needs trauma informed therapy, not just coping tools. You’ve done everything you can on your end, but she has too choose healing too.
I’d ask if you can go with her to her therapy appts for a time or two, because you need help in managing this with her.
This goes beyond the typical fear of an unplanned pregnancy. She would be afraid if all her reproductive parts were removed – that’s, well, I have no words for that.
This might be some kind of OCD thing? I have OCD and I have some very specific EXTREMELY irrational fears.