I’m not sure this is a good idea, but I’m just at a loss. Before I start, if you think this is fake, please just go to a story you do believe. Save us all some time and patience.
Anyway, long story short, my partner and I have basically had our life uprooted. We experienced a death, familial abuse, homelessness and joblessness all over the summer of last year. My partner had already struggled with mental health that just took a nosedive with everything that happened (was hospitalized twice within the span of two weeks), and now it’s gotten to a point at which they just want to hide and not do anything anymore.
I suggested we see Sinners, and they snapped at me, so I pried a conversation out of them that basically led to them saying they’re not the person they used to be—someone who looked forward to restaurants and theaters; these things just don’t bring them joy anymore. I know the changes have been painful for my partner, so I took everything on to the best of my ability. I got a full-time job, I started doing all the chores around the house, I run errands, I basically take care of everything. I don’t expect my partner to “suck it up” and start working, I’m just trying to figure out what I can do to help them. They haven’t even washed their hair in about two months, their mental health is so bad.
The thing is, we’re in LA, so the price of living is high and pay barely keeps up with it. My partner has Medi-Cal, but all the calls that have been placed have been misleading—everywhere they sent us for a physical claimed not to give physicals, for one. I suggested IHSS (In-Home Supportive Services) with me as their caretaker, but they’re so certain there’s no case for them, that they don’t even want to try (they don’t get SSI, and that idea would probably get shot down too). And with the current political climate in the US, I’m not so certain they’re wrong (while I strongly feel they are, I worry that SSA might disagree with everything going to shit).
They have a case with a local mental health facility, but they haven’t talked to their providers for a few months, I suspect because said providers kept pushing for a physical, which sent us on fruitless trips, wasted time, and frustration.
Am I being impatient? It hasn’t even been a year since my partner’s mother died, and I want to live life with them. What do I do?
Comments
You’re carrying so much with incredible love and strength. This isn’t impatience it’s exhaustion and concern. Your partner is lucky to have you, and I truly hope you both find the support you deserve soon.
This isn’t impatience—it’s quiet desperation wrapped in love, and you’re right to feel lost while carrying two lives in your shoulders. But compassion needs boundaries: grieve with your partner, not for them, and start demanding support from systems even if they’re broken, because you can’t save someone who’s refusing every lifeline.
You can’t force your partner to get help.
Doing everything is lovely, but you’re not helping if all they are doing is sitting around dwelling.
They need to do something. Whether it’s a small part-time job or doing certain tasks around the house. It will help give their day purpose.
If this continues, you are going to have to decide whether this is the life you want. Because if they have no will to help themselves, this might go on for a long time. Let them know you are there to help but don’t pressure them.
This sounds exhausting, I hope you both get through this and that life gives you a break soon.
Sounds like a deep depression your partner is in.
Some low key things you can do: have them take some supplements. Especially vitamin D can go a long way to make a depression better, and most people are deficient in it. Also B12 and omega 3 fats. You can get all of those without a prescription and pretty cheap. Do not overdose vitamin D, 4000 IE for two weeks and then down to 2000 is safe for an adult. Helped me a ton to get out of my depression, too, and I know many people who felt relief from it. Doesn’t cure it, but makes it easier to do everyday things (like washing yourself, eating something other than crappy food, maybe going for a walk…little things like that). You can add vitamin C as well, super cheap and if you don’t eat enough veggies and fruit it is likely that there might be a deficiency there, too (cases of scurvy are actually rising because fresh food is so expensive and sometimes hard to come by).
It is very inspiring to read you stand by your SO. In-joke you can get through this together. I am eternally grateful that my partner stood by me through the depression, can’t have been easy. We are doing much better now, so there is hope!
Best of luck and strength, I also hope you can take a little time for yourself in all this. Just little breaks, having a quick coffee with a friend, or just sitting in the sun for a few minutes every day. If you want to see this through, it’s important to keep up your own strength too Sonya’s can keep helping, and so you are all right as well.