I (32f) have been with my bf (28m) for almost 3 years. For the most part everything’s good, however one of our biggest issues is finances, they’re completely separate for one very important reason. I am very stingy with money, meanwhile he will blow his entire paycheck on fast food. He pays no bills, doesn’t buy groceries and I can’t trust him to take over bills due to the FF (fast food) issue.
The other issue is when I buy groceries, no matter how much I buy it’s gone within a day or two. I’ve had to explain to him that an entire box of crackers, entire packages of meat (up to 2lbs) are not one single serving. There have been times I make food for myself ahead of time for work and he eats that too, leaving me nothing.
He is a large man, but not obese. I’ve asked him to talk to someone about this issue, because it’s driving me insane. I am a very health conscious person, so this constant over eating not only worries me, because I’d like to keep him around.
The last time I evaluated our budget I spent $1500 on groceries alone, I also pay the mortgage and all other bills, he bought $2000 at restaurants and $300 at gas stations. I’m not even joking, it’s led to a lot of living like we’re flat broke and we are not, he’d rather just literally eat our future.
TL;DR
Boyfriend would rather eat more than 6 people in a day than have a future together.
Comments
At minimum, live separately. At most, break up.
>He pays no bills, doesn’t buy groceries and I can’t trust him to take over bills due to the FF (fast food) issue.
So…what is he actually contributing? Because from what wrote, this relationship is costing you at least $1500/month.
He’s using you. Live separately and refuse to cohabitate again until he can demonstrate sustained behavior change.
I mean, if he paid some bills and bought some groceries he could probably eat as much as he wanted to, right? His eating habits are more a symptom of the larger issue. He just sounds irresponsible as fuck.
Sounds like he has goat genes. A relationship that isn’t on the same page regarding money will never last. Sounds like he is just mooching off of you.
The issue here is you, not your boyfriend. You want him to be different, and he’s not interested in being different. And you’re paying for his life, while he chooses to spend his money the way that he wants to. Why have you spent 3 years with someone who has shown you, clearly, through his behavior, that he cannot/will not invest in your relationship, either financially or through behavioral change?
Your house, your rules. Kick him out.
He clearly brings nothing to the table and pigs out.
Time for the free ride to end
Oh man, I’m sorry. “For the most part, everything’s good, except he refuses to control his spending or contribute financially but spends $2000/month on restaurant food, refuses to stop eating all groceries, eats lunches I prepare for myself without apology, and causes me to spend over $1000 extra a month on groceries.”
I’m honestly struggling to see all of these good things. He needs to get the spending and compulsive eating under control. It is incredibly unfair to you and disrespectful for him to eat all of your food (eating your work lunches drives me extra crazy). It’s not okay.
If he wants to stay in this relationship, he needs to commit to getting help, whatever that means. If it means handing over control of his finances to someone else, fine. Therapy, absolutely. This is unsustainable for you.
I’m sympathetic to struggles with things like food addiction and spending issues, but like… they can be incredibly damaging to everyone around that person. He’s giving you food insecurity because you never know if you will have food left. He’s causing you anxiety and stress. And he’s not pulling his weight at all with household expenses. At a minimum, he should be covering the grocery bill.
This is ridiculous and unsustainable. This guy doesn’t care that he’s left you to shoulder the entire financial burden by yourself? Doesn’t sound like he cares about you. In what way is he a partner?
Just because you own the house does not mean he should live there free. If he was living anywhere else would pay rent, utilities and groceries. The fact that you make more money than him doesn’t mean you want to adopt a glutton.
What are you getting out of this arrangement? He sounds greedy and selfish.
You sound great, wanna take care of all of us in the comments too? 😆 But c’mon now have some self respect and tell this guy to help out with expenses so he can’t spend all the money on fast food. Otherwise break up, this is non starter stuff what if you’re saving up for things together or get married or have kids? How much can you rely on him for the finances? Right now it seems 0%.
I see you make more than him you said so break it down into like percentage. 40-50% of his paycheck goes to rent bills, 30% food shared, some savings, 10-20% play fund ( fast food in this case or misc spending ). Try it out for 1-3 months and if he’s not seriously able to stick with it then break up because that’s a deal breaker red flag in maturity. The reason I put some high percentages in the rent bills section is one to help your burden a bit but 2, see if he’s willing to sacrifice for you even if for a short while.
Girl dump him. Why the hell are you financing the entire life of a grown ass man?
I hope this guy looks like Adonis, is shaped like a Greek god with a diamond dick that cums chocolate because otherwise why would you allow yourself to be stepped on like this?
I mean, what’s your question here? You aren’t holding him accountable and literally every suggestion you shoot down. “He can’t afford to move out”, or “he won’t go to therapy”. You are enabling this man. He’s not going to change his behavior so either make him move out or stop complaining.
Let’s break this down.
He is compulsive/impulsive about food and not seeking treatment.
He expects you to put up with and foot the bill for his issue.
He is selfish.
He doesn’t listen to you or respect your boundaries, as you’ve explicitly asked him to not eat a weeks worth of groceries in one day, and to not eat whole packages of food as a single serving.
He does not contribute financially to the household.
He is bad with money and has different financial priorities.
I’m genuinely curious what his good qualities are?
Does he do more than 50% of domestic labor and household management? Does he cook all of the meals? Plan and execute fun/romantic dates? Is he clean and tidy? Does he make your life easier and more fulfilling? Is he conscientious and emotionally available?
There are two different issues here. The financial one and the health one. Let’s tackle the financial one first, because I think you should do that.
Sit him down and tell him that his choices are either to move out or to start paying his fair share of the groceries and respecting your food.
He either agrees or he moves out. And you don’t get into fights about it. Just, you know, in a month or two if you haven’t seen improved behavior you kick him out.
Don’t try to “explain” stuff to him. Don’t try to get him to agree. These are simple rules. He pays his way, he respects your food so that YOU always have stuff to eat, or he moves out.
The health issue is much more complicated. I’m skeptical that he’s not obese (BMI > 30), but whatever, you know, at a certain point, this is something he’s going to have to figure out for himself how to navigate. You can’t browbeat someone into eating healthy if they refuse to make healthy choices.
But I think it’s important to separate those two issues because one of them is a rule you have to insist on and the other is a gradual educational process and starting with him deciding to make better choices. That might take a while. In the short term, the rules for your finances/food are non-negotiable, and if he doesn’t like them or can’t honor them, he can GTFO.
He eats the food you prepare for yourself?! What the fuck!! This man has no respect for you and is costing you a fortune. What does he bring to the table? Does he make you cum twice a day or something? Did he donate an organ to you? Why would you spend thousands of dollars on a man who doesn’t care about you and is constantly stealing from you?
So he’s like just a dependent adult you’re fully supporting at this point? Doesn’t that turn you off of wanting to have sex with someone acting like your teenage son?