My partner and I have been together for 8 years. At the beginning of this year, he suddenly decided to go fully vegan. It came out of nowhere. I respected his decision and tried to be supportive, even though it drastically changed our shared routines, especially cooking, which we used to enjoy together. Now we barely share meals.
Recently, I stumbled upon two Reddit posts he wrote a while ago (I try to find an recent post of him and saw those newer ones).
- He said he has no respect for people who aren’t vegan; to him, their moral decision-making is comparable to that of fascists or far-right voters.
- If he were back on the dating market, he would never consider dating a vegetarian or omnivore again. The cognitive dissonance and fundamentally different values would be a huge problem for him.
This hit me like a brick. I’m not vegan. We have two cats that eat meat lol. He never said these things directly to me, but now I’m wondering how he really sees me – and whether he even respects me.
Also, a few months ago he went through an autism diagnosis process over 6 months and didn’t tell me until it was over. He just handed me the (positive) report. That also created distance and loss of trust I didn’t know how to bridge.
At this point, I feel like the emotional connection is barely there anymore. The “us” has become quiet and small. I’m starting to wonder if we’re only staying together because of the cats.
I don’t know what to say to him. Part of me wants to just show him the Reddit posts and ask, “Is this really how you see me?”
Has anyone been through something similar? Like, a partner taking a moral stance that feels like it excludes you?
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He’s made two posts basically talking shit about you. Like sweetheart… Take the cats and go… No one likes a militant anything, especially ones with a superiority complex that they’re pointing your way.
I’m really sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Yes, I think the best way is to show the posts and ask. Tell him how much it hurts you. This kind of veganism is just as bad as being in a cult, I hope he can somehow get out of it, but it is possible that it will be the end of your relationship.
I am so sorry this really sucks. I know it’s hard but you need to talk to him, because that is not normal. Be a vegan your choice but extreme vegans are just as bad as extreme Christian fundamentals, extreme muslims, extreme rightwingers
I’m not a vegan but I know that veganism is morally superior to eating meat.