My partner made me choose between him and our children.

I (29f) have 2 under 2, their dad (37m) is an alcoholic. It finally got bad enough that I had to leave, it wasnt safe for me, it wasnt safe for our babies. They had to be more important. I packed up everything important and drove to my parents house 2 states away, in autumn 2024. Ive been trying to make it work, but I feel like im the only one trying. He doesn’t understand how I can still love him and want to be with him and still not live with him. He says he can’t get better without me, I tell him I cant come home til he’s better.

I take the kids to see him on weekends, if hes doing good ill stay for the whole week. Things were doing better, he got a job, he got a car, he was drinking less and eating healthier. He even started cutting back on cigarettes and would send me money every pay check. I dont know when things changed or why they changed. But he started eating less, drinking more again. I went to see him on Friday, stayed the night and in the morning I took the kids with me to the grocery store, I was gone an hour and when we came back he had downed a pint of vodka and had another in the freezer waiting for him. I think he drinks 2-4 pints of vodka a day now.

I started to pack up, I told him I cant let the kids be around him when hes like this. I told him he made a mistake, he can try again next weekend but right now I have to leave. Thats when he started telling me there wont be a next time, that if I leave, I wont ever see him again, that he will kill himself if leave. He went into detail of how he would do it, he told me how it would be my fault, how he hopes itd weigh on my soul. I let him yell at me and just kept packing up. He would follow me around, telling me I was choosing his death by leaving, that I was choosing to let my kids grow up without a dad, that he couldn’t believe he ever loved someone who would still leave after he told them hed kill himself if they left.

I got my things packed up, I got the kids in their car seats, and thats when he started to say good bye to them like he would never see them again, he cried, he hugged them, kissed their foreheads, told them he loved them and that this would be good bye forever, that no matter what happens hed always be with them.

As soon as he was out of earshot I called the non emergency dispatch number, I dont know why I didn’t call 911, I was scared he would hurt himself. I still love him. The choices he makes hurts me, hurts our family and hes a horrible partner and parent but I still love him, I don’t want him dead. The dispatcher sent cops and an ambulance and sent the local mental health crisis unit. I stayed in the driveway, I had to take my youngest (1f) out of her carseat she was crying too much for me to be on the phone, which made my oldest (2m) jealous so I had gotten out of the car with my daughter and stood with the door open on my son’s side to try to distract them both with snacks and toys. My partner came back out and just stared at me stone faced, the dispatcher told me to get in the car and lock the doors and roll up the windows. I think my partner thought I was talking to my parents because he stormed off after I locked the doors. I stayed on the line with the dispatcher, answering all the usual questions. My partner came back out, he he started to get into his car, I knew he was going to drive drunk to the corner store for more to drink. Before he could get into the car a cop car pulled in blocking his exit. He turned to me and mouthed “wow. Really. You called the cops” I watched his face melt from angry and hostile and crazed to relaxed, calm and charming. An officer talked to me while another talked to him, getting both sides of the story.

I could hear him change his voice to be lighter, calmer, I could hear him try to crack jokes, I could hear him spinning a story where I was overreacting and overwhelmed from being a new mom. I could hear him deny everything. I watched in my review mirror him willingly get into the ambulance to be checked out, and I could see him get back out, saying he didnt need to go to the hospital, he was fine, no cuts or anything on him. I felt so crazy, so scared, what if I was over reacting, he was out there laughing with the cops. But then one of the officers came up to me and told me that legally their hands are tied, he hadn’t started to drunk drive when they arrived, he didnt have any self harm marks, and he wasn’t drunk or drugged up enough for them to be able to take him in against his will. There was nothing more they could do, there was nothing more I can do. The officer told me they could smell the alcohol on his breath and in his sweat, and they know that hes behaving nicely now, they are aware that he is putting on the charm and they are letting him think that hes winning at manipulating them, it’ll boost his ego and descalate the situation. The officer told me that I did the right thing, and that I am doing the right thing by putting our kids first and leaving. I am clinging to those words as a life line. Im doing the right thing, the best thing for my kids. It hurts and it sucks and I hate everything thats happening but its still the right thing. I hope it is. It has to be. The officer told me that whatever happens next, whatever choices my partner makes, its not on me, its not my fault. The officer told me to leave, said it was what was best for me and that im not a bad person for leaving.

My partner made me choose between him and our kids. He is breaking my heart and I still love him. He is an alcoholic and I still love him. He’s a broken and hurt and scared and weak person and I still love him. I still love him. I love my kids more and I will wait til they’re asleep to let myself break. I will smile and laugh with them, I will hold them when they cry. I will be and do everything for them. I will let my heart break so they dont have to grow up thinking this is okay, that this is normal. I want my kids to love their dad, I want my family together. I want my partner to be better, not for me, not for them, but for himself. I want him to know peace, I want him to know love. I want him. I love him. I miss him. But thats not enough. He has to change, he has to get help. He has to choose himself.