My partner never interacts or plays with our 14 month old toddler. He never has. When she is playing in our lounge, he will be scrolling on his phone or watching the tv and ignore her even when she is crying. Even when she is in the bath, he sits away from her on his phone.
He will occasionally talk to her and cuddle her but he won’t read or play with her toys.
I beg him to play and interact with her like I see many dads doing but he just says that he does. When in fact, he does not!
I feel I have to ask him to feed her, change her or do anything. He can’t seem to do anything off of his own back. Even when we have family days out, he moans about it.
This makes me resent him and I feel as though my feelings can’t possibly be the same as they once were due to the way he parents. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.
Comments
What was his childhood like? Take a look there to rule out him just being a douche.
Before having child did he participate in any child research or did you guys discuss parenting styles? You might be better off a single mom. Is he a good partner? Does he help you? You shouldn’t have to always ask for help when she needs feeding. And imagine you’re at a park. You go to use restroom. Will he be on his phone the entire time while you’re away? You want to think of these scenarios not to scare yourself or worry but to keep your child safe.
This is super damaging to your child. That her father would rather have a relationship with a phone, but not with her.
Some people are better with older kids. He might come around when the child gets more interesting to him.
Did he want kids? That’s interesting context here.
I’m not going to link literature unless you’d like it but OP there’s a lot of emerging research that parents on smartphones, etc is REALLY damaging to young children, especially infants and toddlers. A parent who’s engaging with the phone and not their kid has a negative impact on everything from language development to emotional development to attachment and even potentially the kid having unhealthy relationships with smart tech (especially touchscreens) later in life.
Unless he course corrects, you are seriously hurting your kiddo if you stay in this situation. It’s extremely unhealthy.
Everything else aside, the tub comment is extremely concerning. Is your toddler alone in a bathtub, unsupervised?
Maybe it’s because I want to be a dad, but I don’t understand how a father could be that apathetic towards their own kid.
Is he depressed or anything like that? It’s absolutely wild that he’s ignoring her while he’s supposed to be doing bathtime. I get that little kids can be boring for some people, but this seems like he’s just addicted to his phone
Was he enthusiastic when you discussed having a child together? Did he do research? Was he present and willing to learn? Did he care for you while you were pregnant?
So you dated a man, had a baby with a man, now you’re confused why he acts like most men with children? Most of the men don’t care, simple as that. He’s literally telling you he doesn’t care with his actions. You choose to ignore what women have been saying for decades about having kids with childish men, and now you’re shocked by his behavior. Hmmmm. As a woman myself, you deserve better