Hi all, I’m 19F and my partner is 20M. We’ve been together for over 3 years and have lived together for most of that time. Recently, he has been slacking in the household department. I work all the time, 6 days a week sometimes multiple shifts per week. I do most of the washing because I prefer it but I’ve been so overwhelmed with the amount I’m working. I’ve noticed him becoming more withdrawn and depressed over the past couple months which I’ve tried to help, suggesting date nights, activities, walks ect. But he rarely takes me up on it.
He was sick all of last week so he was meant to be paid leave, which his work did not put through properly. Leaving all the bills for the week on me. I need new tyres on my car which are literally about to explode. I was so stressed out I burst into tears and let him have it. I explained how I felt and how I wanted to feel seen and heard and how I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m at my limit of what I can do for us and our relationship. Mind you this is all over messages since you guessed it, I am at work. He just let me on read won’t reply now. I don’t know what I’m meant to do? I don’t understand why he’s shutting down now. I’m so hurt. And I feel like I have no one to talk to or ask because I’m very private about my relationship and don’t like involving others, especially those In mine and my partners immediate circle.
Comments
First of all, I just want to say, I see you. Not just the surface stuff, but the exhaustion underneath it all. You’re carrying way more than anyone should be asked to carry alone, physically, financially, and emotionally. And I’m sorry that it feels like the one person who’s supposed to have your back is MIA right now.
The fact that you’re still showing up, still trying, still caring…that says everything about your heart. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t keep bleeding for someone who won’t bandage the wound with you.
What you described isn’t just “slacking”, it sounds like your partner might be dealing with real depression. And when people are stuck in that fog, they shut down. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does mean this isn’t about you not being enough. You’ve tried. You’ve reached out. You’ve carried the load. But love can’t thrive on one engine.
Him leaving you on read after you broke down? That hurts. And it should. Because silence in the face of someone’s pain isn’t neutral, it’s a message. And it’s okay to feel everything about that. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. You’re allowed to grieve the version of him you wish he was showing up as right now.
But here’s what you need to ask yourself now: is he still in this with you, or are you dragging both of you forward on your own? Because no matter how long you’ve been together or how deep the love goes, you deserve to be met, not managed, not ghosted, not left guessing.
You don’t have to make any drastic decisions today. But you do need to get brutally honest with yourself about how long you’re willing to wait for him to show up emotionally, spiritually, and practically. Love requires more than just proximity. It requires presence.
And if you decide to talk to him again, maybe start here:
“I love you, but I can’t keep doing this alone. If you’re struggling, I want to help but I need a partner, not a ghost. I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for participation. If you can’t show up right now, I need you to say that. Silence only makes it worse.”
Whether he steps up or steps out, you’ll at least know where the truth stands. And from there, you can start rebuilding…with or without him.
You’re not crazy for feeling this way. You’re just finally noticing how heavy it’s gotten.
And listen, maybe you don’t believe in God. Maybe faith feels distant or doesn’t speak your language. But I’ll say this anyway, just in case it lands where it needs to:
You are not invisible. You are not forgotten. You are not abandoned.
Sometimes when life gets loud and the people around us go silent, God still whispers. Sometimes it’s not a thunderclap, it’s just that faint stubborn spark inside you that refuses to quit.
That’s not weakness. That’s grace.
So even in this…especially in this, hold on. Something better can still rise from this wreckage. You’re worth that.
I hope this helps, even just a little.