Me (22F) and my partner (24M) have been having lots of issues over the past 2 months. So, when we first started talking, I told him how I want to study further and may have to go overseas to study for dentistry since it’s very competitive in my country and I don’t have the high enough grades for it. He ensured me and promised me that we’d work it out through long distance and he’ll support me. So I gave it a shot. I was very afraid of a relationship and marriage but I put my trust in him. We told our families about each other since we’re Muslim and wanted to do it all the right way religiously. So we got our families involved and decided that we’d get married in 2 years. I just graduated with my undergrad degree and am taking a gap year to take some courses I need and write the DAT. He still has 2 years of his studies left. A few months ago suddenly, he told me how he wouldn’t be able to stay without me and wants me to stay back, and delay my career. He said he wants just a year together after marriage and I can go after and he’ll support me through it. That’ll delay me by 3 years to start dental school though, and even taking a single gap year is internally killing me. I told him that it’ll be hard for me to wait, and now he’s saying things like he was never enough for me, he feels like an option to me, this and that when that was never the case. I love him so very much. I’ve been fighting my family for him just to be with him, and him saying all these things really hurts me. I don’t know how to make him realize this.
TL; DR: my partner thinks he’s just an option for me when that’s not the case, just because of my education path.
Comments
He wasn’t an option. He was your chosen partner.
Until he decided to try act like your boss instead.
He realizes what he is doing. He thinks it’ll work to get his way. He thinks you’ll give in if he applies enough cruelty and pressure. He thinks he doesn’t have to honour his agreements or respect your timelines. He’s not trying to negotiate with you. He’s trying to manipulate you.
He turned himself into an option when he threatened your career and independence. He turned himself into an option, when you could no longer trust him to support you in three years. He became the option, the risk, of a man who wants to trap you. He made himself that.
He isn’t “enough” because you’re not a pet. If he wants to be enough for another living creature, he can get a goldfish or a golden retriever. Real people need more than just their spouse in life. You’re a real, full person with an ambition, just like you always were. If he can’t feel okay about himself unless you pretend to be less than you are, then it’s right to let him go.