Nearly every time I leave for any trip longer than a few days, they get very depressed and suicidal. This pattern has been happening for years now. And now it has resulted in a suicide attempt. They have rarely taken any steps to address their mental health issues over the years, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this with them. A friend pointed out that’s it’s almost like I’m being punished for leaving (which while I know is absolutely not my partner’s intent, it sure can feel like that). I won’t be back home for days still and I keep ruminating on what could have happened, genuinely making myself sick to my stomach. I keep flipping between furious at them for doing this and heartbroken that they feel like this and maybe I haven’t done enough, maybe I’ve prioritized other people or things too much and neglected their needs.
Comments
This isn’t what a lot of people want to hear, but you are not responsible for the mental health of your partner.
This is sadly a common occurrence and I do feel for you and your partner, it is unfortunate what they are going through, that being said they need to take steps to help themselves.
Now I know you didn’t ask for help or suggestions necessarily, I have been in a similar situation in the past.
I’m obviously not suggesting ignore their feelings, but you shouldn’t feel responsible. Sometimes people do need a hand getting started with therapy, and maybe a couples sessions would do you two some help, where you can let them know how you feel while in a safe place with a professional present.
But all being said, please OP, take care of yourself, I know it sucks, mental illness is a disease that anyone can struggle with. You are not responsible. They need to get their head on right and talk to a professional, and I believe you should too, a professional will tell you the exact same thing that I did here.
Stay strong OP, I hope things get better for you and your partner
This is a person who needs major psychiatric help. They may need to be in an institution for a while.
I know that is scary but it is true.
You are responsible for you. What was he doing before he met you? Was he also trying to die by suicide before meeting you? You are not responsible for him. He is an adult who should seek help. You can tell him to seek help and demand it. You are not responsible for him. You can make suggestions and tell him he’s an adult, and as adult, he must come with you and seek help and has to take responsibility for his life. What he chooses to do in the end is on him.
Break up with them. This is ridiculous that you can’t leave a grown adult alone without being worried. They have serious work to do before being in a relationship. You cannot live a life of worry and not enjoying yourself while you’re away. Cut this toxic person out of your life.