Exactly as the title says.
I (F30) have been with my boyfriend (M30) for over three years. We’ve always been very open about our future together but have talking more seriously about getting married and buying a house together.
I want to stay as anonymous as possible so apologies for how vague this is, but my husband’s job is in the financial district of our city, and that is pretty much where he will stay. He loves his job, it’s a financial institute (think like the IMF or a central bank), and so within our country he will never be able to move elsewhere for a ‘better’ job. It is the best job you can have in our country for what he does, and most importantly, he absolutely loves it.
In contrast to this, I work remotely, and while I love our city, I really don’t want to be here forever. I never saw myself staying here forever and in truth, if I hadn’t met him, I probably would have left in the past 3 years. Part of this reason is how expensive properties are (we’d get a 2 bedroom apartment for the price of a 4 bedroom house further out), and part of it is simply safety and not wanting to bring up children in this city.
He’s against a long commute (he is in the office 3 x per week), and wants to stay in or very close to this city. I am open to being nearby, but think he should be open to a longer commute if it means living somewhere we both love, even if work-wise it isn’t ideal. I understand that’s not a fair ask.
How did you decide with your partner where to buy a property, if you disagreed? How do you know what to prioritise? I love him so, so much, but I feel like I’m giving up my ideal future in favour of his.
TLDR; Boyfriend needs to be in the city for work, I’m remote and don’t want to live here forever, how do we choose where to buy?
Comments
I do think asking him to commute is reasonable. It depends on how long – is it an hour or less? That’s very doable and would not disrupt his life too much as he is only in 3x per week. Honestly, you both deserve to live somewhere you enjoy and relationships are about compromise. You compromised with living in the city for a few years, now it’s his turn.
In my opinion:
You need to decide if your bf is worth it. And you should decide that before it gets more serious.
I think a long commute(obviously depending on the commute, and the daily extra cost of this commute) is a fair compromise. But still, everyone I’ve ever met who went from a long commute to a short commute has said, they will take less money to keep a short commute, if possible)