I feel disgusting and unworthy of love. I have big complexes about my horny moods. They spent a long time convincing me that everything was fine, that there was nothing to worry about, this went on for a very long time, and then at one point they said that they were uncomfortable with my joke on sex theme аnd that ruined the mood for the rest of the evening. I have a problem with self-harm. I especially want to hurt myself when I feel disgusting. I feel disgusting all evening. They deserve someone like them, someone who doesn’t get turned on, someone who doesn’t think about sex.
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It’s the same way around, you deserve better, you deserve a partner that enjoy sex as much as you enjoy it
I’m coming at this from the ace perspective. My bf is allo (has sexual attraction), like you.
Asexuality is complex. Some of us just don’t feel attraction but like the act of sex. Some of us find sex completely repulsive and would like to never do it and avoid hearing about it. Personally, I don’t mind consuming sexual media and just struggle to get enjoyment out of the act on myself. Your partner sounds sex-avoidant to me, which is a bit more extreme than my case, but hear me out.
There’s no right or wrong here. So long as no one is being forced into a sexual act, nothing is wrong, no one is gross, etc. With a consenting partner, sex is a natural urge. Sex is not something to be disgusted with yourself for wanting. And keep in mind I’m ace, this is coming from an ace person. So long as you’re not forcing yourself on your partner, you are NOT DISGUSTING for having NATURAL SEXUAL URGES.
Now this is where paths can differ. My bf and I have great communication. I’ll indulge in sex occasionally, but I don’t prefer it. Sometimes I’ll just get my bf off rather than wanting to be touched myself. Other times we exchange what I see as my forms of “intimacy”: showers together, naked cuddles, etc. And this works for us. We communicate constantly on if one or the other feels forced or unwanted. Bf does not push me on my sexual no nos, such as oral or anal. If, and that’s IF, your gf is willing, you can go down this path. There has to be no resentment for this to work and you both have to be willing to compromise a bit.
The other option is just… you’re not compatible. There’s no universe in which, if you want a sexual connection, you should give it up just because your gf doesn’t want it. And if she never wants to do a sexual act, she shouldn’t have to either. Neither of you are wrong for that, but you’re hurting each other by your mismatch. It may be best in this scenario to stay as friends or go separate ways. It’s like one partner wanting to have kids and one wanting to be childfree: either the couple comes to a compromise together, or one partner is forced to comply with the others needs and resentment brews.
Please know that you’re a valuable human being and that having sexual urges is not a sin. Communicate with your partner, clearly and bluntly, on what you both want, and go from there. Best wishes redditor ♡