I’ve been talking to my(29f) half-sister (35f) for about a decade through Facebook. Oddly we’ve never talked on the phone until today and we’ve never met in person. We were both raised in foster care.
We both recently had babies. She told me that in Canada (she lives there) that being a previous ward of the state immediately opens an investigation. She called me to ask if I could be in one of her meetings with the state to support her basically.
I said yes but…
When I talked to her on the phone she sounded very drunk or something. Slurred words, slowed speech. Not only that but she also clarified that someone accused of her of something that’s “not true” and they immediately took her baby. Unsure what to do. I don’t think I support her having custody of her son…
I’m unsure of her entire situation but she has 3 other children and none of them live with her.
Do I just ignore this mess I’ve created? I’m pretty sure if I say no she won’t talk to me ever again lol
She said she doesn’t talk to her other siblings or her mom. Hm
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Hi, Canadian here
None of the following is meant to be a lecture, just informing you so you feel more confident in your response to her:
She wasn’t a “ward of the state” and there’s no meeting with the “state” we don’t have states lol
I’m from Ontario so depending on where she is it may be different, but Ontario doesn’t automatically open an investigation because someone was in the system as a child.
Children aren’t immediately taken away due to one complaint that wasn’t validated. A case can’t be opened until the baby is actually here, if the baby was taken at birth, there were most likely drugs or alcohol in her and/or the baby’s system.
Maybe you should inquire about what she means by support during this meeting? Is it virtual? Is it in Canada? Does she expect you to travel to Canada to be support?
If she expect you to travel, that’s an easy out. “Im sorry sister, I just had a baby I can’t travel right now.”
If it’s virtual and she wants emotional support, tell her you are ready for a call and/or message before and after if she needs you.
If she wants you to take part in the meeting, be honest. That the input you have won’t make much of a difference as you have only spoken to her via fb message and one phone call. You can’t give any firsthand input on how she is as a mother or what her lifestyle is.
This does sound like a very uncomfortable situation and I’m sorry you’re in it. Maybe this meeting will be a “wake up call” for your half sister.
“I’m pretty sure if I say no she won’t talk to me ever again” Well that sounds like a win.
She is being investigated because she is a bad parent. She has already had 3 other kids taken away / given custody to the father. None of this is on you. Her choices have gotten her to where she is. You don’t even really know this person, why do you care what she thinks. Just tell her you will tell the truth if questioned and that you honestly do not really know her well enough to vouch for her.
Again so what if she never talks to you again, cusses you out (if so hang up on her and block her), etc?
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your sister has lied to you here. Her having an open investigation against her is a product of her life as an adult, not as a child. Canada doesn’t have states. Children are not tracked after being in social services according to online articles on the matter. It would make sense that their cases are closed.
I’m not sure what you want to do here but she doesn’t seem like someone you have a close relationship with and there probably isn’t a chance you’d get the child if it was taken away. If you don’t support her having custody, you should not testify and if you do, you should be prepared for backlash from her and some verbal assaults. Does she have a lawyer? If so, you should ask to talk to the lawyer first and let the lawyer know your feelings. The lawyer will make up an excuse for you.
Sorry I guess I meant that figuratively because I’m unsure what you call foster children down there. Ward of the territory? Province?
Anywho, thank you for advice. I think I’ll tell her I don’t think I’ll be helpful because of our new and distant relationship so I probably won’t be of much help.
She asked me to join a video call. Although she lives in BC and I live in Washington State, so I guess theoretically I could drive.
I think I knew deep down that she has issues with alcohol. I’m guessing it’s not possible for me to foster him?