Especially since I’ve been seeing him for four years on and off but he has basically seen me grow up. And my birthday was two weeks ago. Yesterday I went to my psychologist to continue our last session and at the end of the session he told me he’s had feelings for me for a long time now and I was like a deer in headlights so my dumbass comforted him instead and said it was I guess normal because we’ve known each other for so long and he helps me with a lot of stuff etc. I came home and cried my eyes out and I feel disgusted and i think ill stop going to him but I feel like I won’t be as compatible with a new therapist as with him I’ve literally known him since I was 14 so no one knows my psyche better (( I looked up to him as a father and to think he was looking at me like that is making me want to die . Not literally tho. Im kinda stuck on what to do
My psychologist that I’ve known for years confessed to me and I feel devastated
r/Advice
Comments
I am so so sorry. That was horrifically inappropriate and a deep breach of trust. He is part of a larger association that I hope you will consider reporting him to when you feel ready. That’s predatory behavior. Sending a virtual consensual respectful hug and wishing you hadn’t had this experience. You don’t deserve that and shame on him for violating such an important professional dynamic.
He knew exactly what he was doing he watched you grow up, he had your trust, and he twisted that. That’s not just unprofessional, that’s manipulative and predatory. You don’t owe him grace, comfort, or understanding. You were never supposed to carry his feelings. Please don’t let what he did stop you from getting the help you deserve there are good therapists out there. But him? He needs to lose his license. Period.
He broke trust, not you. Cut him off and protect your peace.
I’d put money on this not being the first time he’s done this. Report him. He’s clearly not suitable or appropriate to be counselling youngsters.
Sooooo inappropriate, I’m sorry that happened. I would echo the words of notifying his professional monitoring group and boss as well (unless he owns the practice). This is like, WAY outside boundaries and wrong and he should be told this and face consequences.
That’s a huge ethical violation, and you should report him. He KNOWS this is wrong.
Are we not going to address that he’s felt this way for a long time… and you were underage then?
This makes me sick. Do not go back to him. Find another counselor and tell him/her what happened.
Huge no-no! The therapist knows it and he’s manipulated you, knowing your vulnerabilities etc. You have to let the regulators know so he can be reprimanded appropriately. You think he won’t do it to anyone else but he’s a predator, predators only do one thing, hunt for new prey.
Lots of people go into these fields to understand themselves. The insight is probably startling. I think this confession was wildly inappropriate. They should have referred you to someone else then.
Please put aside any worries about “ruining his career.” You would not be ruining his career. He has ruined his career by making horrifically inappropriate choices in how he conducts himself in his job and as a human being. He is 100% wrong for saying this to you, and in order to protect future patients you absolutely need to report him for misconduct, especially because he was perving on you while you were underage. That’s wrong on so many levels. So many.
I can 100% guarantee you’re not the first person he’s crossed boundaries with. There is no closure, no reason to return to his office where he’s in control. He hasn’t been giving you therapy, he’s been in a sit wait position. All the “therapy” he’s been giving you is not therapy. I would immediately report him. I know you’re young, so this likely is your first experience in learning how to dead stop, cut someone off. The things you might miss about therapy with him would be the lie, because I’m sure he’s been inappropriate, therefore been leading you for longer than you realize. You 100% will be better off with a female therapist always same sex if you’re seeking therapy. The devastation you feel will increase if you continue to sit in a powerless position by returning to his office where he’s actually using your emotions to manipulate you. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he knows the reaction you’d have otherwise he wouldn’t have shared his feelings. He did this because he knew he could get away with it. Do not protect him. Right now you’re in a position of power, use it. Report him, tell your parents and cut him out. Any belief that he is a fatherly figure is also not real. He doesn’t have that care for you. Unfortunately it feels that way, because of the ways in which he abused his power. Take your power back. Better to learn this now early on in life and remember you aren’t the first person he’s done this to.
Wow, that is a freaking kick in the teeth! How disrespectful and demeaning of him, not to mention highly unprofessional. Honestly, I’d be devastated too! Please, when you feel strong enough, REPORT him! Seems like this jerk uses his profession to prey on vulnerable people and f**k around with their feelings. Good luck in whatever you decide to do for yourself now x
This is CRAZY Inappropriate. He could literally lose his practice over this and should! I would tell someone. I dont even know who. The cops? I dont know but this is crazy. And you’ve used to see him as a minor! this guy is a predator and using his power over you in this dynamic. He’s breaching some doctor patient something! If you’re still under 18 you need to call the police. If you of age then idk but this is sick and such a power play and he will do it to others. This relationship should be about trust and you’ve Obviouly told him things you probably havent told anyone and now he’s violating that trust with manipulation using what he knows about you against you. This is wild. I hope you dont let him get away with it but I get why this is emotional for you. good luck and Hopefully you dont see him anymore. Nothing good will happen here.
Start by not going back to him this month. Take some space and try to find another psychologist. It takes time to build a relationship, but you can absolutely do that with someone new, who does not see you as a romantic interest.
As someone with more life experience, I just want to throw out there that it is completely normal for you to explore this fantasy in your mind, but the reality of it can really cause more damage than you can really imagine right now. There’s nothing wrong with thoughts, but please protect yourself with your actions.
I see you saying that you are thinking of seeing him again, I want you to know that the relationship you thought that you had with him is gone. From here on out, he will be manipulating you. Everything you say, he will be filtering as a “how can I use this to make you do what I want”.
It takes people years to process this kind of stuff, and SO MANY people go through it. You may try talking to someone who has been through it and is an adult now.
I’m sorry. He’s 100% wrong and needs to be reported.
Of course you stop going to him.
It will take time, and you’ll find another therapist who gets you.
He’s a predator, OP. You need to report him to his certifying board, the state board, and his supervisor.
Wow.
Report him.
Since you were 14? I promise you are not the only one he’s done this to. No matter how special he made you feel to make you think that the case. This is a highly manipulative person. The reason this happened to you aside from him being a bad person, is the last woman was afraid to report it. If you don’t reported this, he will move on to the next victim and she will feel the way you do now.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
If you were an adult, and the same age as the therapist, him disclosing this would be deeply inappropriate, and should be reported to his professional association/licencing board/employer.
The fact that he has done this to a child is absolutely appalling. You need to report this to the police as well.
It’s going to feel terrible, and it’s going to hurt. But you have done nothing wrong, and nothing you do will ruin his career.
Absolutely do not see him again. Do not contact him. Do not respond to any contact from him.
If he could go younger he would go younger- that’s true of anyone confessing to a freshly 18 year old. He’s gross. You’re fine and you’ve done nothing wrong. Go get a new therapist and explain what happened. I promise in time you’ll find a connection with the new therapist if you give it a chance.
He is no psychologist. End of story. He is a fraud.
He needs to be reported. This is grooming and entirely unacceptable. Someone who knows where to report this guy please drop all the info
This is not professional esp for him to take advantage on the fact that OP has shared her thoughts and secret and could use that to his advantage. Good to change to a new physiologist
Since 14 y/o. Sounds like grooming. This guy needs reporting💯👍🏻
Sorry this happened to you 💜
Please report him so that he doesn’t do this to any of his other female clients. He’s a pedophile and who knows what other boundaries he has crossed.
My apologies for going through this.
My first piece of advice is to report him to the licensing board responsible for Psychologists in your state.
You are not “ruining his career”. By confessing to any patient, especially a minor recently turned 18 that he has known for years, he has chosen to end his career himself.
Reporting him is to protect future victims.
He knows exactly what he is doing. He knows why it is not okay – from a moral standpoint as an adult, a professional standpoint as a licensed Psychologist, and even an academic standpoint on how grooming works as someone with a graduate degree in Psychology.
Whether or not you report him – and the decision is entirely up to you, you are not a bad person for being overwhelmed and deciding not to – the next piece of advice is to NOT have anymore contact with this person.
Put bluntly, he is not safe. Whether your next meeting he will try and play it off, or try and pressure you, you won’t “gain” anything from meeting him. I cannot stress this enough, a predator is not going to “give you closure”, they are going to look to manipulate you.
Finally, it might not happen right away – but if you still want/need a Psychologist, you will find one right for you. So don’t be discouraged or try to salvage your relationship with him due to fear of the unknown. I understand how much it sucks losing someone you looked up to – especially in a manner such as this. Once again, sorry you are going through this and best of luck.
Hey OP, doc here. Sometimes this sort of thing happens, but when it does, psychologists are trained in ways they can respond appropriately: moving your care to another provider, taking a break from your care, seeking therapy themselves.
Instead, your therapist breached your trust and the expectations of his work. Unfortunately, this is a major issue both to you and to his other patients that he may also do this to.
Please report him to your state licensing board. At the least he needs training and monitoring, and at most he may be hurting others and need to be investigated.
If in the US you can find your state board here: https://www.psychologist-license.com/articles/psychologist-licensure/#states
Every board has a place to file a complaint or concern. Please please file one and do not go back to this one.
Not normal.he sounds like a creep based on commenting you as a child.report him and find a new therapist to explore your new trauma
You just turned 18 & he’s had feelings for you for a while?!🧐 You’re a child! That’s pedophile behavior & highly inappropriate! Do NOT go back & please report him! This is absolutely crazy!!
He really do be havin’ the audacity
Omgsh honey I am so so sorry…
Call the cops lol. Like right now.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Just want to clear the air on that. Secondly, you need to reach out to the state AG office about filing a formal complaint. There will be information online. It’s different in every state.
If he is a licensed social worker there will be one association, a psychologist will have a different one, as would a psychiatrist, etc.
I’ve traveled this road and had my therapist lose her license for a year for boundary issues. Even when she comes back she will have to pay another therapist to supervise her work for a year.
The first thing you need to do is write everything out and date it. Put it in an email to yourself. It’s important this is done as soon as possible to the time of occurrence. This will be part of the statement to the board that supervises him.
You should include what was said AND how you felt and continue to feel.
My ethics complaint took up some of my time, but I felt it was my responsibility so that it didn’t happen to others. The supervising board and their investigator and lawyer made it very easy.
I 100% agree with never going back and reporting him. All counselors are bound by a code of ethics and conduct to never be involved with their patients and clients, at ANY age. This man waited until you were 18, like that somehow in his twisted mind made it “okay” to violate your trust and every rule. I don’t know if he’s a true pedo, but he should not be a counselor if he’s “having feelings” for any clients. It’s a violation of trust, ethics, and a whole host of other things.
And what an incredible betrayal for someone you trusted with your innermost thoughts and feelings to dump his feelings on you and manipulate you with his “confession”. Please tell people you know in-person, so you have support when (not if) you report this breach of professional conduct. And you may not be the only one.
You should report him.
That therapist is a predator. Please stop seeing him immediately. Seriously, just ghost him. If you’re comfortable enough, please report him. You can google the licensing board for your state and there should be a form or an option to file a complaint.
To be clear, this is a huge violation of ethics, and I don’t just mean “it’s pretty creepy that he said this”. People who do work in the medical field are bound to a code of ethics that they are obligated to adhere to. There is no way that this is not a violation of that code of ethics. You are likely not the first and won’t be the last person he does this to. He is taking advantage of the fact that he knows you probably better than most other people on the planet. He is also talking advantage of the fact that you are young and likely don’t know what your rights are in this situation. I work in healthcare, what he is doing is wrong.
Please DM me if you want some help figuring out how to report him to the licensing board, I would be happy to lend a hand.
Report, report report. Huge red flags. Predatory behavior. Major ethics violation. Report him now.
I came to advise you to report him. He has to have at least one license to practice (most states anyway). Look him up and see what his profile says he has certifications through. Message each of those places with details of how you were treated and why you think they should do a full review of his work.
Please know how important it is to report people. So many cases of bad providers only come up after they have become more emboldened and have caused severe harm to some of their patients. This happens bc people don’t report. The more reports, the sooner the powers that be can really see the full picture of what is going on.
If he does NOT have a license of any kind, then he is practicing at the discretion of that private organization. You can really make a stink with them should you so choose. Not only can you demand an investigation, you can leave that practice and report the entire practice to state boards and leave poor reviews for the therapist and the organization.
You have far more power in this situation than you may realize. You’re already on such a good road of healing and standing up for yourself. Keep going! You’ve got this!
Turn him in to the state board, and never go back.
This is not your fault.
You did not do anything, say anything, or acted any type of way to deserve this.
That being said, definitely get another therapist, preferably female (if you’re female identifying). I’d be open with the new therapist about this experience once you feel comfortable.
Your feelings are valid. He is gross, disgusting, and unprofessional. I’d absolutely report someone like this.
You did nothing wrong. Feel your feelings and definitely see someone else when you’re ready.
I am sorry you went through this. Being in the field I can tell you anyone I have ever heard of who has lost their license to practice because of stuff just like this… Was doing it to more than one person. You may not be the most vulnerable person they are ‘having feelings for.’
Report. Report. Report.
This situation isn’t fair but you should still go to someone else-even if it means starting over.
This is a massive ethical violation and also creepy as hell. He is basically grooming you. Stay away.
What a gigantic breach of professional ethics.
You’re probably not inclined to report him to his professional society or the law, but you should.
You probably also are not inclined to sue him, but you should.
Absolutely find a new therapist, and talk about this. The reaction to this revelation will tell you a lot about whether the new therapist is appropriate.
I wish you had shared how old you are now.
All my best wishes
There is nothing more disappointing than a man that you think is safe proves that he isn’t. I’m sorry this happened
Just curious OP, are you male or female?
First of all, the first thing your therapist should have done when he realised he was developing feelings for a patient of his was to remove himself from the role. He cannot be objective with your care.
Secondly, yes, he knows your psyche well, but so will your next psychologist. They will take time to understand you and to help you with your next steps. It will be different, and it may not be the first therapist that you vibe with, but take time to find the right fit for you.
Lastly, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Remember this if you ever doubt yourself. He is the adult and the trained professioanl and he is the one who has blurred lines. Step away from him and don’t see him outside of the professional environment.