Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Last summer, I was raped by a stranger. I was walking to my car in a parking lot late at night when a man I had never met grabbed me from behind. He dragged me behind a dumpster, beat me, and anally raped me. He didn’t use a condom or lube. It was probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The whole time he was doing it, he degraded me for being what he called “a rich college girl.”
When he was done, my anus was torn and bleeding. He left me there behind the dumpster and I have not seen him since.
Flash forward a couple months, and I start to have all sorts of weird medical problems. Throat infections, constant colds, etc etc. I’m not someone who gets sick very often, so I went to the doctor. They did some blood work and I tested positive for HIV.
I know my rapist was the one who gave it to me. I never had sex before that, and anal sex has the highest risk of transmission for that kind of stuff.
I feel so fucking sick and disgusting. It wasn’t enough for him to rape me, he also had to give me a disease that I will have to live with for the rest of my fucking life. If I ever try to start dating, I’ll have to relive my trauma and disclose the fact that I have HIV.
I’m not doing very well right now.
Comments
im so sorry to hear this 😣 everything thats beautiful, people want to break. dont ever think of yourself as “damaged goods”. you probably know this already, but HIV isnt a death sentence any more. you can be undetectable & therefore not able to transmit it to others. id suggest joining an HIV support group, even if its here on reddit. you’re definitely not alone.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I am so deeply sorry that you had to go through such a horrific experience. What happened to you is absolutely not your fault. No one deserves to be treated that way. Please know that your worth isn’t defined by what happened to you, and you are so much more than this trauma. It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, but reaching out for support, whether it’s therapy, support groups, or loved ones, can really help you heal. You don’t have to go through this alone. Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to seek help from professionals who can guide you through this. You are strong, and I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve.
Sending you love for many reasons mentioned. You are in my thoughts and as a mom I would like to say you are of importance to many people in your life. Please seek counseling if you haven’t already. I’m so sorry you are going through this all.
Oh sweet person I am so sorry this has happened to you. It makes me sick. You deserve to feel all of the feelings right now.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is truly awful.
This low-key pissed me of. Some people deserve death…hope you heal tho
I am so sorry this awful horrible terrible thing happened to you. Nobody ever should have to go through what you have been through. It’s not fair, and as you said the act itself was terrible enough but sadly he also left you with this additional layer of trauma… but with time (and possibly therapy if it is an option for you) you will come to terms with everything and you can find happiness, contentment and love in life again.
Please be kind and patient with yourself and expect good and bad days for a long while, as recovery is not a straight trajectory, there’s ups and downs, but you will get there. You are not alone, there are many survivors and many people with HIV leading happy lives today.
Just sending you so much love and sunshine right now. I wish I could give you a huge hug. You didn’t deserve this.
This is infuriating I’m so so so sorry
Absolutely hate hearing about what happened to you. I pray that Jesus will lift you up and give you strength! 🙏
Why didn’t you seek medical help ASAP? You would have been given an antiretroviral like PEP to prevent HIV.
I know revenge isn’t the answer but I really hope you find this fuck and make his life a living hell. Man this pissed me off so fucking bad!
I wish you all the best! You’re strong, brave, and resilient! You will get through this!
There are no words that will do justice to what you’ve been through. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you.
Please know that medicine has come a long way in treating this virus. It is not the death sentence it once was. So many people are living normal lives with undetectable viral loads that for all intents and purposes is like they never had it. The new drugs are that good. Don’t give up on your bright future and the life you had planned. You can do this.
I’m so sorry rapists deserve death penalty’s
So sorry this happened to you. When you went to the ER they should have immediately started you on a 10 day course of PEP. Also I hope they find your attacker and he spends the rest of his life in jail.
I’m so so sorry you went through this.. no one should ever go though that. You are strong & so brave!! I wish I could give you a hug like someone else mentioned!! Seek help if you need too! Hoping everything will get better for you 🙏🏻
I’m so sorry OP :0( My Heart breaks for you
I’m so incredibly sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.
I’ve never experienced this and I agree with everyone that you should talk to professionals/people that know about the subject, BUT if you ever need someone to talk to or to vent to or anything… I’m hear to listen. My DMs are always open for you.
Sending you love and strength, fellow stranger!
I’m so incredibly sorry. I was under the impression that meds to prevent HIV transmission were available if started immediately following possible exposure. I know that you’re traumatized which is completely understandable and am hoping that it didn’t prevent you from seeking help. I have an uncle who was diagnosed HIV positive in the late 1980’s and he’s still alive and well today. It’s not at all the death sentence that it once was.
Wow, just wow… im so sorry
The part of you that is angry is the part of you that loves you. I am so sorry. This should’ve never happened. I know you know that, but I wanted to say it anyway.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there are things so good in life you wouldn’t know to ask for them.
I am angry for you and am sending you so much love and healing. I know words over the internet may not do much. And that’s another frustrating part about it. I trust that you are smart and will know how to navigate this, although it never should be something you have to navigate through in the first place.
🫂
Please look into mental health resources if you’re not already in treatment. This is such a weight on your shoulders that should be processed with a professional if you’re able to. That being said, on the medical standpoint, HIV now is a manageable disease. We have come such a long way in treatment and lack of interference in lifestyle that I hope one day for you it doesn’t loom over your shoulders as much as you fear it will. You are an incredibly strong young woman to even post this. I hope some of these replies give you comfort. I hope you seek help when you need it. And I hope one day you find peace with the cards that you’ve been dealt. In the meantime, it’s okay to breakdown. It’s okay to feel all the emotions. Wishing you the best in this difficult journey ahead.