(18M) (18F)
TL;DR nearly two year relationship suddenly dies out sexually, respectfully and romantically. I need help
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under two years now. We’ve gotten along well for the most part, I take her out a lot, I get her lunch or treats and gifts all the time. And I even work to do things that she doesn’t even ask for, even if its hard. We were doing really well for so long, and then suddenly it’s like it shut off.
We don’t have sex anymore. Obviously we used to be like rabbits as comes with the age and the “highschool” sort of relationship we have where we only see eachother after hours and only have a few hours every few days. I expected it to change a little over time, but I didn’t think it was going to completely stop.
About a month or two ago now it slowly went down one week. And I was happy for that, it meant we were kind of maturing as a couple and spending time together at home without having to have sex. But then the next week it was only once, and the week after we didn’t bang again for a while. And I told her if she doesn’t feel like it she shouldn’t be pressured into doing it, and that I’ll only ever want it as much as she does in the moment because it takes two people to make it happen, not the desire of one.
But then it changed, changed a lot. It was like intimately she was so distant. She stopped kissing me, stopped laying on me, wouldn’t rub my back or scratch my hair like she used to. And she was so needy and persistent that I’d do all of that for her. Then one day she comes back to me when she’s on her period and says out of the blue “also can we bang tomorrow?” And in the moment I was happy, I was finally getting some. But then I thought on it and I felt crushed, in a way like I was kind of being used. She wanted it just to ease her cramps, instead of wanting it because she wanted to be intimate and close.
I’ve never gotten over that disconnect, and its like it’s the same thing every time she gets her period. We’d had a week of space this last week and we hung out tonight, in the last 5 minutes of our hang out before our curfew, she starts making really intimate advances to me, and then on the drive home asks me why I’m upset.
I told her outright I wasn’t happy that she made advancements like that within the last few minutes of our time together, and that it felt like she did that to avoid it lasting too long or going any further. And she told me that “sex is overrated” and that she didn’t want it to go further.
Itd come up before when I tried to talk about it that I thought we weren’t a sexual couple like we used to be, thinking that it’d come back. But after she said that, I just said outright that we aren’t an intimate and sexual couple anymore. I couldn’t stand not saying anything, and when I said that she barely said anything. It was sad because I could tell she did care, but she didn’t care enough to speak up about it because she didn’t want to fight just to do something she didn’t want anymore.
I told her I’d be deleting her explicit photos from my phone to avoid sexualising her any further, and that I don’t wish to attempt intiating any sex anymore with her.
If feels like our relationship is at a close. We’re already not getting along great. We aren’t married and she tries to weigh in on issues, and before our week of space she was so rude and inconsiderate to the way I felt, speaking to me like I meant nothing, like I didn’t feel. And when I saw her again today she said to me that her friends were proud of her for standing up for herself.. like I’d be doing what she had been doing for months now.
The last two times I wanted space, she guilted me out of it. And proceeds to blame me to this day that I stuffed her around on wanting space and not wanting space.
She keeps telling me I deserve better, when I just want better from her. But she doesn’t seem to change and her friends tell her she should leave me. My friends and family say the same but I can’t do it. I need help.
I told her I wanted to just talk about all of this, but she’s brushed it all off and told me she doesn’t.
I feel so much despair, and I feel like she doesn’t love me like she used to. I fear I’ve changed too much since I started working full time.
There’s times where I fear her lack of sex drive is from infidelity, but I know her better then that. It’s just scary to have that cross my mind.
I’m tired, and I’ve tried to do everything I know I can.