I share an apartment with my roommate, and when we moved in, we agreed it’d just be the two of us. Fast forward a few months, and now her boyfriend is here literally every day. Sleeps over constantly, showers here, eats our groceries, even leaves his stuff everywhere.
The problem? He doesn’t pay rent, utilities, or anything. I’ve brought it up casually, and she always brushes it off like “he’s just staying over a lot.” But at this point, it’s like I have an uninvited third roommate.
I don’t want to ruin the friendship, but I’m tired of splitting costs while he freeloads. How do I handle this without starting a full-blown war in the apartment?
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Honestly, move out. If you don’t want to ruin the friendship, that’s the best thing you can do other than sitting here down and having a conversation with her. The issue with the conversation way is she could just call you jealous or spiteful because you “don’t have a boyfriend” or something in that regard. You have brought it up once and she didn’t seem to care, she won’t be any different in the future.
Just tell her you need your own space and are going to move out. That you just don’t feel like having a roommate at the time isn’t what you need, so you’re going your separate ways living-wise.
Try talking to your roommate about the situation if she does not want to hear it and you guys can not come to a compromise. Contact your landlord and tell him that ur roommates bf is staying over. A lot of places will not let tenants have guests for that long. But ask the landlord to leave you out of it and try insinuating that the landlord found out a different way eg, cameras or tentants that live around you guys.
She’s in her love bubble but just tell her it’s too much. Maybe she could go to his place from time to time. If you cant come to a compromise- tell her you are going to move when the lease is up. FYI do a background check on him
Nope! If your “friend” really values your “friendship,” this wouldn’t be happening. Tell her boyfriend to kick rocks.
Ok, you’re not the one “ruining the friendship,” they are. They’re abusing your lack of assertiveness.
You need to sit them both down and tell them straight up that you cannot afford to supplement someone’s living expenses in any kind of way – not the food, not the utilities, and not the space he takes up. If you haven’t already established rules regarding household chores and messes, you need to do that as well. You need to do these things for any roommate situation to remain sustainable.
If you’re ok with him coming in as a third roommate, then you need to discuss a fair split of the expenses. As they’ll be sharing a room, then it’s generally considered fair for them to pay slightly more on the rent, like a 60/40% split, and all the other expenses should be split into thirds. And he needs to be added to the lease.
If you do not want a third roommate (which is totally fair, it’s much easier for 2 people to share a bathroom than it is for 3) then look at your lease. They will usually specify the maximum number of nights that a guest can stay overnight, which he has surely exceeded. If your lease doesn’t specify, then look up the landlord/tenant laws for your area.
Once you figure out that number, sit your roommate down and tell her that you aren’t willing to risk being found in violation of the lease and/or laws governing tenants, as it could lead to an eviction and an adverse tenant history for both of you – really serious trouble! Let her know that if she doesn’t start following the rules, as much as you’d hate to do it, you’ll be forced to go to the landlord about it so that you aren’t at risk of being punished for their actions.
This sounds nice… If itd help Ill move in and also not pay anything, then at least yall are even.
The friendship is already ruined– to repair it you need to talk about original agreement- just the 2 of us and how it has changed and add about food gone, elec& heating bills will go up and lack of space and privacy. Only this will repair the friendship.
Simply pay 1/3 of the bills instead of 1/2.
OR –
quit splitting costs where possible. Buy and secure your own food; take your pots/pans/dishes into your own room. If she wants to keep a pet, she’s responsible for all upkeep, not you.
This happens to a lot of people at a certain age – mid to 20s to 30s as people couple up but haven’t progressed in a relationship enough to live in together.
You need to think about it realistically – is he there more than 3 nights a week? Does he eat your food (either the shared or your own). If you pay utilities then does he do laundry at your house? Does he shower two or more days a week?
If yes to above his existence is costing you money.
Run the numbers and say $X amount is what you need to cover so I’m not pending more a month because your boyfriend doesn’t live here.
See if he wants to take over your lease that way you can leave. Have a sit down with them. Make sure you are removed if he wants to do that. That’s a shitty roommate. Stop buying groceries, turn off internet if it’s in your name. Put a lock on your door. Read your lease agreement about guests etc.
Just start paying 1/3 of everything.
So your friend doesn’t value you and your comfort at home? You’re worried about her and her mooch boyfriend? Why?
… look at your utilities bills – before and after, and compare. Then sit with your roommate and discuss it.
It’s harder to brush it off when the evidence is there in black and white.