This probably sounds like something you’d deal with at 16, but everyone involved is in their late 20s. It’s bizarre. My sister Mandy and her best friend Laura have been trying to set me and their mutual friend Cara up for a few weeks now. I was over at my sister’s place place helping her move her furniture so she could clean. Laura and Cara showed up as I was about to leave and we all agreed to order something to eat and hang out for a bit. Cara and I hadn’t met before so I tried to talk to her but she was pretty quiet and reserved. Laura and Mandy kept making excuses to leave us alone, but whenever I’d try and break the silence with conversation Cara was either too shy or disinterested to really give me much to work with so I gave up. Ended up eating and leaving shortly after.
Mandy and Laura came over a few days later and said she thought Cara and I “looked cute together” even though she just sat there awkwardly the entire time and only responded to the other girls in conversation while shutting down toward me. I told them this and they just said “oh she’s shy around guys. She probably just really likes you. You should ask her out!”
This has been a back and forth for a few weeks. Laura always comes with Mandy to family dinners with mom a few nights a week, but now Cara is coming with. No issue here. Mom loves the company, but Cara is just as standoffish with me as she was before. I overhear her opening up and having a good time when I’m not in the room, but once I show up she shuts down. I feel really bad when it happens, but Mandy and Laura either don’t notice or don’t think it’s an issue.
I’m considering skipping dinner tonight with mom because of all this, but Mandy and Laura are telling me not to and to ask her out. I told them I’d rather not. The woman is obviously not interested in me, and I can’t even get a conversation going to see if I’d be interested in her. So I’d rather just not hang out around her. She’s not only not interested I suspect she’s uncomfortable around me and that feels really bad to know I’m causing that reaction in someone.
This is just such a weird situation. I don’t even know what the hell I’m supposed to do here. We are too old for this. I can’t figure out why they are trying to pawn me off onto this poor woman who obviously doesn’t want me around her.
Comments
Honestly they have no agency over your life, if you don’t want to go to dinner don’t, if you don’t want to ask her out don’t. She may like you and be shy, but is actually verging on rude. People are shy, they still talk to others, especially ones they may like.
I’d actually tell your sister and her friend to back tf up, you’re not teenagers anymore.
Sometimes people are obsessed with an idea and blind any evidence telling otherwise. Probably, they talked to the girl beforehand and she feels awkward around you. I don’t know when but they will eventually understand this was and is a stupid idea and hopefully they will learn how to be a matchmaker. You don’t have much options because they are blinded by their thoughts. Just try to do act normal as much as you can. If you don’t show any interest, she will understand and feel comfortable around you.
In similar cases, I find making fun of it helps. Whenever your sister says you are a good match, say something like “yeah, we will have 5 children, 2 boys and 2 girls” and laugh when they ask for the 5th one. Or say he/she will be a teacher for idiots. Or say we will live in the antarctic because she is hot. It depends on your and their sense of humor. Don’t be rude or insult.