This past Monday, my sister buried her baby boy, Eduardo. It was the most painful day of her life and somehow, she had to face it alone. Her husband walked out after their son passed and didn’t even show up to the funeral.Since our parents died, I haven’t been as present in her life as I should’ve been. We drifted, and I’ve carried a lot of guilt about that. But seeing her lose her baby and be abandoned in the same breath shook me. I felt helpless, and honestly, ashamed that I hadn’t been there more before all this.So I made a donation page to help her with the funeral costs and bills. She’s grieving and now also trying to work again, carry everything financially, and keep herself going through the worst time of her life.Now I’m questioning whether I did the right thing. I didn’t ask her husband (who left), and I didn’t talk to many family members before setting it up I just did it because I couldn’t sit back and do nothing.I guess what I’m asking is… did I overstep? How do I continue to support her without making her feel pitied or putting more weight on her? I want to do right by her, especially since I wasn’t there enough after we lost our parents. I just don’t want to make things worse. Any advice would mean a lot.
My sister buried her baby on Monday. Her husband walked out and didn’t go to the funeral. I made a donation page for her, but now I’m questioning everything.
r/Advice
Comments
I think you did the best thing you could in that moment. You helped her pay for the funeral which is something she really needed. He doesn’t get a say in anything when he abandoned her. I understand grief is hard, but that was just cold.
Just be there. Rebuild the relationship. Build the relationship you wish you had.
Has your sister expressed her feelings on the donations? If you haven’t told her, I would talk to her about it. Explain everything you said here, and that you started wondering if you’ve overstepped. If SHE feels like it’s overstepping, I’d apologize and take it down immediately.
I hope that conversation could be the start for you two rebuilding your relationship. I have so much compassion for your sister and her heartbreaking situation. Sending you and your family loving and healing thoughts. ❤️🩹
She has so much things to worry and grieve about, having less stress by having a bit of financial help would lessen her burden. I think you did good for her.
Just show up. Now’s not the time to worry about the past or feeling guilty about not having been there. You’re here now. You can be there for her now. You don’t have to say anything. Just be present. I’m sorry for your losses and hers. ❤️🙏
The thing is, it’s a nice gesture, AND people DON’T have to donate. You aren’t holding a gun to their head (I hope).
I lost my wife to breast cancer in 2020 (she was 33), and three years later, I lost our nearly 7 year old daughter to lymphoma.
I went to pot. Locked myself away. Lost mywell-paidd job. Bills mounted up. Tried to take my own life.
I type this very flippant, I know , but I do so to save time and get to my point.
When I managed to crawl out the house and seek light, I was in debt. No wage. Lots of bills.
I lost everything.
Anyway. Against my knowledge, some locals started a donation page. With that money – and it was a few grand – I was able to at least get myself back on my feet bills wise.
And while everything is still shit, and the grief haunts me like a noose, that kind of donation sorted me, attempting to get myself out of trouble.
I’m far from okay. But there’s no need to report this post. I’m not a walking red flag.
My point is you need something nice. No force. People wanted to help. They did.
……this comment went on far too long when I could have basically just said ‘no, you did okay.’
HOW did she burn her baby?
That sounds like abuse, especially if he passed?
Just show up. Don’t ask her. Just be there.