I (24f) struggle with depression. I’m medicated, in therapy, and trying. Some days are better than others. I live alone and work full-time, but I still try to show up for my family.
My sister (30f) has three kids and relies on me often for babysitting. I’ve never said no, until last week, when I told her I wasn’t feeling stable enough to take care of the kids for the night. I didn’t go into detail, just said I needed rest.
She texted me back: “Must be nice to be too depressed to help your own family.”
I stared at that message for a long time.
Two days later, I dropped off a binder at her house. In it were copies of my medication history, therapy invoices, a suicide note I wrote at 19, and the ER report from the last time I self-harmed. I included a sticky note that said: “This is what ‘too depressed’ looks like. I hope your kids never feel this way.”
I haven’t heard from her since.
Hot take? If someone sets a boundary, you don’t shame them for it. Especially when you have no idea how heavy the load they’re carrying is.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (24f) struggle with depression. I’m medicated, in therapy, and trying. Some days are better than others. I live alone and work full-time, but I still try to show up for my family.
My sister (30f) has three kids and relies on me often for babysitting. I’ve never said no, until last week, when I told her I wasn’t feeling stable enough to take care of the kids for the night. I didn’t go into detail, just said I needed rest.
She texted me back: “Must be nice to be too depressed to help your own family.”
I stared at that message for a long time.
Two days later, I dropped off a binder at her house. In it were copies of my medication history, therapy invoices, a suicide note I wrote at 19, and the ER report from the last time I self-harmed. I included a sticky note that said: “This is what ‘too depressed’ looks like. I hope your kids never feel this way.”
I haven’t heard from her since.
Hot take? If someone sets a boundary, you don’t shame them for it. Especially when you have no idea how heavy the load they’re carrying is.
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All I have to say is slay ig you go queen
Edit: don’t let her trample on you, personally I’d never babysit for her again
I think you handled it beautifully
She’s just mad she didn’t get a free babysitter. Glad you’re alive and here, OP, you deserve to be okay and happy. ❤️
What did that even mean? It was nonsensical. Must be nice to be too depressed? Anyway, I know what depression is like, I hope you feel better really soon.
She has three kids at 30 and keeps calling on her 24 year old sister with medical issues? She deserved that.
Brilliant!!!
The amount of audacity it takes to expect other people to take care of the kids SHE chose to have… insane. As if you had any say in that decision.
Definitely gaslighting on your sister’s part. I’m really sorry that she Weaponized what you’re going through because she needed an overnight babysitter.
I absolutely think you handed it correctly. I would’ve done the same exact thing. I would’ve given her a physical representation of the things that I was going through since she seems so wrapped up in her own life. I would not reach out to her, let her sit in her assholery. And come to you with a fat ass apology. She wants you to support her, but she is not giving you that same amount of grace and as her sister, your mental health should come before you babysitting her children.
I’m so sorry your sister isn’t more supportive and was just mad she didn’t get a free babysitter.
I’m sorry you’re going through this it isn’t easy, I’m glad you’re still here despite what you have gone through and still battling.
But way to go on showing her and making her feel so small maybe next time she will think before she speaks.
Dude your sister sucks. No one told her to have kids if she can’t afford child care.
I would’ve signed off the note with “BTW now im feeling too depressed to look after your kids ever again. Best of luck.”
Think she’s just upset that you have no obligations assuming your childfree. Personally I wouldn’t look after her kids since shes taking you for granted. You Want to help but you don’t Have to . There’s a difference. Good luck OP ❤️🩹
I can only aspire to this level of clapback.
You go girl….
That was a perfect comeback.
I’d give her crap for not being more supportive of your needs. Family isn’t just free babysitting!
What a shitty sister.
I would be petty enough to make her start paying after this too
Always put you first. Nobody else will
I would hope that the reason you haven’t heard from her is that she is too ashamed of herself, and doesn’t really know what to say. Be well 🥰
So if you told her you didn’t feel like it she would have shit on you, too? What if you told her you had something else to do? This sounds like you’re getting voluntold to babysit your sister’s kids and she doesn’t like being told no. That’d result in a lot less babysitting from me so, yeah, go nuclear.
I am pretty sure she’s going to say you overreacted because people who are entitled rarely admit fault, but I absolutely love how you handled this.
you’re a legend. sucks for your sister that she couldn’t be compassionate for one evening and now her babysitter is on permanent leave.
“Must be nice to be too depressed.” I’ll get banned from the internet if I say what I really want to say, but your sister is selfish AF.
Take care of yourself. Let her actually pay someone to watch her kids.
Must be nice? As in she wishes she was “too depressed” but she’s powering through? Yeah, she deserved that binder. I’d never babysit for her again.
she 💯 deserved that. I struggle with depression and anxiety, hate family events. most because of my mental health but also my family IS the drama. They make fun of me for not socializing more, I’m the hermit, the bookworm that never leaves her cave and more. I had never thought of doing something like this. good job standing up for yourself
Sometimes they need a visual, I get it.
My sibling always harassed me to get a job, I have heart failure. At our last visit, I lined up 19 med/herb bottles and went into detail about each one. This is what I take to get through the day.
He finally got it. I hope you’re feeling better.
Big Hug
You shouldn’t have had to do that for someone to respect your boundaries. You have a right to medical privacy and even family doesn’t have a right to make snide comments about another person’s boundaries.
You also don’t have to be a babysitter to be the cool aunt. Keep those boundaries and protect your mental space.
She sounds extremely self centered. She is the one not treating her family (you) very well which also makes her a hypocrite.
I say this with love- maybe it’s time to talk to your therapist about how to set healthy boundaries. Your sister being that insensitive about not getting what she wants is appalling, she needs to learn to respect you and your decisions, until she’s shown she can do that I think it’s best to go LC or NC.
How dare you say “no.”
Are. You. Kidding me.
OP, first of all, I’m glad you’re still here and fighting. You deserve understanding and intense amounts of love from your family, not to be a free babysitter whenever your older sister wants it.
For reference, I never babysit my sister’s kids. I always feel awful about it, like an egotistical asshole, but there’s a reason for it and she respects it. I have extreme anxiety. The kind that makes you check out, have a panic attack, and not come back until hours later. Not only would that be dangerous with small children under my care, but children have proven to be a trigger. She completely understands it and has never asked me to look after her kids. She’s told me: “my kids, my responsibility”. I’ve chosen not to have kids for the same reason.
So I hope you give yourself grace. I hope you keep fighting and getting better. And I hope you don’t let your sister take you for granted ever again.
I am so proud of you! And grateful that you are here!
I was about to make a joke about “fuck it must suck not having your sibling be one of your closest friends” then I remembered I have a brother who I absolutely despise lmao.
Me and her don’t talk to him. Me and her though thick as thieves. Her son is here…somewhere. He’s in the house, it counts as babysitting. He’s taller than me now I make sure he eats and goes to bed before 5am that counts.
Depression aside, your sister expecting you to be willing and able to prioritize her kids over your own personal boundaries is wild. She sounds incredibly ungrateful for the help you have given so, if I were you (and of course if it didn’t harm your relationship with your nieces/nephews), I would simply refuse to watch them until your sister admits that she’s approaching this situation is a disgustingly self-centered POV.
Good for you. I hope she doesn’t weaponize your mental health struggles against you in the future.
Good on you girl. I also struggle with depression and have been hospitalized for it. After my last attempt I decided I’m staying alive out of spite. Life will have to take me out with its own hands, not mine! I’m too damn stubborn to give in even though it’s tempting. Stay strong and never feel alone, this internet stranger is sending her love and best wishes for you!
even if you weren’t depressed you do not have to baby sit other people’s kids whenever they need it !!!!!!!!!!!!
If this is true, I doubt she’d ever read it. Probably ended up in the bin.
If i were you my “sister” is never getting a free babysitter again.
Being ill on a night that’s inconvenient for her demands sounds like “a her problem.” It doesn’t matter why you weren’t feeling well. Would she have said “must be nice” if it was covid… or a broken arm? Sick is sick, regardless of how. It would be bad to leave her kids with you no matter what illness you had, so she should’ve just found someone else.
You’re also only 24. Just because your sister may have had kids at your age doesn’t mean everyone can or should. Enjoy your young adulthood, focus on your health, and keep being awesome, OP.
Her text was way out of line. That was really unfair of her. Are you compensated for babysitting? I am also not sure where you live or the culture you grew up with, as I imagine could influence how entitled your sister is to your free time that being said. You should never be shamed for taking care of yourself. I don’t know your sister but I have been an overwhelmed mom but I would never lash out if someone was unable to help me and I would never expect them to put their own well being second. Hopefully she is really contemplating how her words hurt you and is distancing to figure out how to make amends and give you space.
Hi internet stranger, I just wanted to say I am so PROUD of you for setting a boundary and sticking to it! I wish you all the best on your journey and I am so glad you are here to tell your story.
She was just saying something she knew would hurt you deeply. that’s not okay in any situation but especially because you just said you were depressed and she tried to kicked you while you were down. It was her choice to have kids and it not your responsibility to help. It’s lovely if you can help out once a while and I hope she shows you how much she appreciates it when you do. In my opinion you are helping her out while she’s struggling with the kids but she’s not helping you out when you’re struggling with your mental health, and that really sucks of her. I hope she’s going to call you to say she was sorry for not understanding and ask how she can be there for you in the future.
I’m so proud of you!! 👏🏼
I’m sorry your sister is an ASShole. There someone said it … and you should not feel guilty for setting a boundary on your medical condition.
From: someone with a brother diagnosed w/ mental illness
Shout out to every people struggling with mental health. You’re loved, you’re important. Thank you for making it through the day and being here at the end of it. I really hope that, one day, the load will be lighter or easier to carry ❤️🩹
I’ve just ordered a flow headset… Have heard incredible things and am hoping it will help me… I suggest all of us living in darkness give it a shot – as my family said when I asked them about our budget for it: nothing else is working, it is worth trying, even if it only helps a fraction.
Op, I can both sympathise and emphasize, but I strongly believe in never sharing ANYTHING I wouldn’t want to get out to another soul. Once a secret has been shared, it is no longer a secret that YOU are in control of keeping.
I hope your sister cannot/would never dream of using any of that file against you… My father would have if I had done the same in a similar situation.
She’s just mad she didnt get a babysitter. When my niblings were still young I was accused of not loving them when I wouldnt babysit.
That is absolutely disgusting. Mental health is deadly and she had no right to say that.
I hope she feels deeply ashamed now. Depression is an ugly beast and those dealing with it deserve all the support.
I hope you send her this thread and that she realizes what a douche she has been.
I’d never speak to her again.
your sister is entitled and horrible. Take care of yourself.
And if I were you, I wouldn’t help her out ever again.
Let her sit on it. Let her come to you with a response. Don’t go to her. Her response will be very telling.
Wishing you the best in your journey.
“Must be nice”?!? Oh no, that’s unconscionable. I wouldn’t babysit again either
The audacity lmao
First, I’m very glad that you are still here and can get the help you need. Second, your sister is a b*tch. Unless you have been in the depths of depression or similar mental illness, you have no room to judge. I’m glad you not only stood up for yourself but you showed her want your mental illness really looks like. She should be glad that you didn’t watch the kids when you don’t feel 100%, because that’s when things can go wrong most.
Just so you know, even if you weren’t depressed at all (or ever), you still have the right to decline babysitting.. for ANY reason, or no reason at all. I have to point this out because I’ve been a nanny for years and I’ve dealt with weird entitled parents who expect you to never call off sick/have emergencies, even though you’ve been consistent, available, and loyal for years. She’s lucky you’ve been doing it for free for so long. Sorry, but she’s an awful person for taking advantage of family. So then, on top of that, she also knows that you deal with depression and says some hurtful shit. I’m glad she didn’t get babysitting and hope it ruined her night 💀
Anyway, you’re doing great. They’ll never understand.
I’m sorry you had to share all of that with her to get your point across to her. Good for you for knowing yourself and when you need rest, and for setting boundaries. Your sister is upset that she had 3 kids and didn’t get a free babysitter. It’s entitlement
If my sister replied the way you did after I asked for a babysitter I would be canceling my plans and visiting her ASAP. My first reaction would be to make sure YOU are okay then worry about myself. Wild. I can only imagine how she will/would treat her children if they have mental health issues.
And when she inevitably asks you to babysit again, I’d give her the “sorry, I’m too depressed to babysit” line. Every. Single. Time.
Wow just wow I am so sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else! Hang in there! Your doing the best you can
I am glad you showed her that and had boundaries. Please speak with your therapist to keep yourself out of a guilt cycle with this sister. She is lucky you’ve been so generous while you’ve been struggling.
Keep choosing yourself and your well being, you matter! I’m glad you’re here.
Honestly, power move. You didn’t lie, you didn’t overreact, brilliant job OP. I hope your sister digs deep within herself and realizes mental health is serious, your health matters, your time matters, and you don’t owe her or anyone anything.
You are an amazing human and this was a boss ass move to make. I want to buy you a drink. Keep being awesome.
Thanks for staying. Boundaries are important and never feel bad for taking care of yourself. You got this.
This is why I’m afraid of set boundaries. I would buckle so fast the minute I got this response even though I’m so mad after reading your sisters response.
She don’t give a fuck about you anyway, people like her are nasty. Let her drop her litter at daycare
Sounds like what my sister’s would say. Sorry girl 💕
I’m a parent and also struggle with depression. I think you did the right thing. I understand frustration about not having childcare but I’d also never leave my child with someone who doesn’t (at least temporarily) want to watch them.