I (23f) recently bought a jacket that I had been obsessing over for a while. It was pretty out of my budget, about £150 and I had contemplated buying it for a while. But after getting paid a decent amount one month, from work, I decided to finally treat myself. And my god was it worth it. It was absolutely stunning!!
My sister (19f), let’s call her Sophie, loves to wear my clothes, 9 times out 10 without my permission. I have no problem with her borrowing my clothes, but as long as she asks first.
Last week, Sophie was away for a girls trip to Paris with a couple of her close friends. While packing, she raided my wardrobe to see what clothes of mine she could take. She immediately sees my new jacket and gasped. “Oh my god this jacket is so cute, it would go so well with one of my outfits”. I told her absolutely not. Sophie then proceeded to throw a hissy fit, getting my mum involved to side with her. My mum has a soft spot for her so she sided with her. I explained to my mum that the jacket was expensive and I’ve only had the chance to wear it once. We go back and forth and my sister is not backing down. Eventually, I gave up and let her get her own way as per usual with the condition that she looks after it and make sure it’s not damaged by the time she gets back. She agreed.
The day she comes back from the trip I was working till late so I didn’t get a chance to see her. I got home around 10:30pm and as soon as I got in I asked my mum where Sophie put my jacket but said she hadn’t seen it. I checked all over the house; the kitchen, my room, Sophie’s room, my parent’s room etc and I couldn’t find it. Sophie was at her boyfriend’s house so I called her straight away. When she finally picked up I asked her wear my jacket was?? There was a long pause. “Yeah I was gonna tell you when I got home… I let Casey (her friend) borrow it for the weekend”.
W.t.a.f. Is she for real right now??
I was furious. All I could do was scream down the phone: “What do you mean you let her borrow it?? It’s my fucking jacket! I never said she could borrow it”. I asked her to get on the phone to her friend and ask her to return it. She said “absolutely not that’s embarrassing as hell and that she’s a good friend, she’ll give it back when she’s done using it “.
I don’t know this girl, that’s my jacket. I never said she could wear it. And it’s not cheap!! It was £150 for crying out loud!! The only thing my parents could say was they’re disappointed in her for not asking but said just wait till her friend is done with the coat and Sophie will get it back. This was last Friday, I still haven’t got my jacket back.
What the hell should I do?? Any suggestions on how to create some sort of boundary with her?? Do I get in touch with Sophie’s friend myself and ask for my jacket back?? I asked my sister to buy me a replacement if Casey doesn’t return mine back but uses the excuse of “she doesn’t have any money”. I’m at a loss here. Please help!!
Comments
Man, this is wild. It’s clear AF you gotta stand your ground here. I’d say hit up Casey directly and ask for your jacket back. Not cool at all to mess with someone’s personal stuff, esp when it’s pricey. There’s a solid line between sharing and straight up disrespect yknow? Mama bear doesn’t get a say in this, it’s YOUR stuff. And as for Sophie, next time she asks for anything, reminder her of this lil saga. Gotta lay down some rules, sis. No respect, no privileges. It’s only fair.
You are well within your rights to message her friend directly and ask for it back since it’s your jacket not your sisters and going forward you might need to lock up your more expensive stuff if she takes without asking there are consequences.
Yes contact Sophie and insist she return it immediately z and keep your clothing locked away from your sister!
Your parents aren’t doing her any favors by treating her like a child. Ask the friend for the jacket back. Your sister could be lying. If the friend says she has it and your sister gets embarrassed, oh well. She needs to learn a lesson about this situation. If the friend DOESN’T have it, your sister is a liar and you might need to think about moving out.
Tell your dear little sister she’d better get your jacket back, in pristine condition, by 5 pm tomorrow or you’re reporting it stolen to the police and she and her little friend can deal with the police.
Then get a lick for your closet door and keep it locked. Time to start caring about her taking your things without asking.
Your mother and sister bullied you into agreeing, call them both out on it.
Oh, and move out as soon as you can Your family is horrible.
Get the jacket back and that is the end of the clothes lending. She lost her privileges.
I’d take all her favorite clothes and tell her she better get your jacket back or you don’t know what might happen to it.
You need to start charging your parents when stuff goes missing. Never let her borrow anything again and make sure you r parents on board.
Send her a Venmo request for the 150?
Ask your Mum to write you a check for 150£!!!!
Tell your sister if she doesn’t get your jacket back to you in the next two hours you’ll call the police and report the theft
Tell your parents that you’re disappointed in them for raising such an entitled brat and they should be ashamed of themselves for raising her so poorly. And get a lock for your door. One that requires a key
She can’t be trusted
Get a lock on your door / move out.
Honestly your family sounds pretty miserable. Your sister seems like an entitled selfish brat, and your mom is an enabler. Neither of them seem to respect you. You deserve better than to keep living in that dynamic.
You’ll likely be much happier with space from them all.
You need to stop letting your sister borrow your clothes. She has lost that privilege. If your parents pressure, just make some non-committal noise and do not lend the clothing. You have to learn to stand up for yourself, OP.
Do you know who it is? Find then on social media and ask for it back. Dont risk pissing them off in case they wreck it deliberately
It goes without saying that you get a lock on your room and you never loan your sister another thing ever. No matter how much pressure your parents bring to bear
Just message the sister’s friend saying something like “im extremely sorry to say this but you’re now in possession of stolen property. you’re not in the wrong, you didn’t know. are you happy to meet for me to retrieve it?” show proof of jacket purchase. that friend will probably be mortified if she does have it and return it directly back to you
There’s a chance your sister lost or damaged the jacket, in which case she needs to borrow money from your mom to replace it. Contact Casey and insist it’s returned today and don’t allow your sister to borrow your clothes anymore.
Your choice is to call her friend directly, sue your sister in small claims court, or forget about
Go to the friend’s house and ask for your jacket. Do it nicely. If she refuses, tell your mother and sister you will be filing a police report the next day for theft.
I would love to see their faces. If they refuse to get it back, file the police report. And get a lock on your closet. Inform your sister that the borrowing is done.
I’d be on Caseys doorstep… Embarrassing the hell out of my idiot of a sister. Drama loves drama.
Are you old enough to move out? That is completely unacceptable. You are not getting even the slightest respect or consideration. Either that, or get a lock for your closet, or a suitcase or trunk that locks, and anything in it is off limits. Mom can buy you a new jacket, as if that will ever happen.
Get a lock.
Get your own place.
Your family is going to keep doing this to you. Hunt her friend down and demand the jacket.
I’d go to Casey’s house when a parent is there. In front of her parent I would tell her that “my sister, Sophie, borrowed my new, expensive jacket for the Paris trip and I am here to retrieve it. Please bring it to me now.”
When she gives it to you, tell her that your sister should not have loaned an item that does not belong to her, and thank her for giving it back.
That part (I hope) puts your jacket back in your hands and tells Casey that your sister is not trustworthy.
Also , I would immediately put a lock on my bedroom door and inform Sophie that she may not borrow anything more from you until she has regained your trust. Tell her that the only way she can do that is to accept that it was wrong oh her to loan what isn’t hers, apologizes, and displays more maturity and exercises better judgement consistently for several months.
If Mom speaks up again, I would tell her that this is between Sophie and me. But she (Mom) is welcome to loan her own things to Sophie.
Don’t ever again give in against your better judgement.
I dont think anything ticks me off more than entitled people.
I have a feeling that Sophie is lying to you and manipulating you and your parents. I suspect that Casey doesn’t have your jacket. I bet you $1 it’s at Sophie’s boyfriend’s house!
Hit up her friend, ask for your jacket back, and make sure she knows your sister gave it away without permission. Then, if possible, install a lock on you door, or at least your closet.
I have the same problem with my youngest sister. It never stopped until I moved out. I ended up putting padlocks on my bedroom door for whenever I left the house, and on my makeup/toiletry draw. I also kept every single one of my belongings in my room so she couldn’t pick them up from anywhere else
You report your sister and her friend to the police for theft.
Go to the friend’s house. Ask for the jacket nicely. If you get it back, great. If she refuses, go back home. Inform your mother and sister if the jacket is not in your hands by tomorrow morning, you will be filing a police report for theft.
I’d love to see their faces look in their faces when they contemplate having a police incident on their records.
Please install a lock on your closet door. Touching your clothes is now a hard “no”. Update us!
I don’t understand… You’re 23 year-old woman. You buy something expensive in your mom let your sister have it and then she let someone borrow it. I bet it’s now missing. What the heck is wrong with your mom? I absolutely wouldn’t let her share anything anymore and I put a lock on my closet. Goodness gracious 23 years old and your mom gets to tell you what to do with an item that you bought with your own money? I just feel like you should grow a pair of balls. Sorry for being so curt
Don’t buy expensive things as long as you’re living with your family as it’s clear that no one respects your possessions
Time to move out
Get 150 back from your mom and call it a day, if it learn from this and stand your ground. Don’t let this one thing ruin your relationship, just buy a lock for your room.
100% sister should catch the hands, and Mom would be getting a LOUD lesson on “I don’t steal YOUR shit, SO DON’T LET HER STEAL MINE”
If the friend doesn’t give it back i would tell your mom if she doesn’t replace it, your gonna report it stolen. Then get a door lock
Move out on your own. If you want your items secure, live alone.
Go through sophies stuff and take HER most prized possession. Hold it hostage until you have your jacket
“What the hell should i do”
You take stuff from her that has a value of a 150pounds, thats what you do.
That’s technically theft. Either sister calls and gets the jacket back or you should press charges
You could claim something valuable she owns and needs on a daily basis, store it at a friend’s place—don’t say who!—and promise to give it back as soon as she starts respecting your boundaries and, most importantly, brings back your jacket in a perfect condition. Any blemishes and she’ll replace it with her own money.
Criminal charges against your sister would slow her giving your things away in future.
At this point the jacket is second hand … worn by your sister and her friend.
Most likely damaged and that is why it has jot been returned.
Demand they replace it with a new one.
You’re 23 years old and you’re letting your mom tell you what to do? I’d put a lock on my door and tell both of them to beat it.
Report it as stolen. Get the police involved. Then take Casey and your sister to court
There’s nothing you can do but get your jacket back. It’s already done. Going forward, don’t let her use your stuff. Period. Tell her no more borrowing ever.
Updateme!
Learn to say this word. NO.
The more often you say it the easier it is to say.
Try it, NO, NO , NO.NO.
Toddlers learn to say it, too many adults forget how to say it.
NO!
Just stop letting people borrow your stuff. You’re 23, why is your mother even a part of this discussion?
My rule for letting people borrow or use my things is if they can afford to replace it. If they cannot, they will not be using it.
I’m a big believer in the idea that human beings need to hear the word ‘NO’ occasionally. Without this people tend to be self-entitled brats well into adulthood.
You may want to try this.
You’ve got a toughen enough a little bit and stand up for yourself.
Best boundary…. No more borrows and a key lock on your door. She way overstepped the line.
She needs to buy you a replacement. If it’s no big deal to loan it to a friend without permission, obviously it’s no big deal to buy a replacement, right?
She is no longer allowed to borrow your clothes. Consider a lock for your closet/room.
Start taking your parents stuff and not giving it back, then when they ask where those things are just say something like “I let a friend borrow it but you can just be disappointed in me and that’ll cover the loss right?”
Tell your sister if it’s not back within 24 hrs in immaculate condition you will report it stolen to the police and she will be buying you a new one.
Tell your mother and sister that she can NEVER ‘borrow’ anything of yours again and if she does, you will report her to the police.
Put your foot down. Shes treating you like a doormat. Move out or get a lock on your door.
lock your door and/or clothes storage
find the friend and go see her
since you and sister are the same size, raid her clothes and leave her not a lot
stop future lending
Well, Sophie can buy her sister a new £150 jacket
Crazy to have an environment where no one respects you or your stuff.
You’re in a doormat situation. Work towards moving out and going low contact until then.
I would go in her phone and get Casey’s number and demand the jacket back.
Who care’s if she is embarrassed? Likely the friend does not know the story and will happily return it.
Sophie is a shit friend and a shit sister. Your parents are useless in addressing this situation.
Get a lock for your door or move in with someone else.
Unless she shares room with you, get a lock for your door and don’t ever allow her to use your clothes again. This should have a hard lesson. And don’t let your mom talk you into anything different. Sounds like you’re younger sister is the golden child. That’s b***. You’re an adult.
Tell your mom she owes you double for the jacket just for all the stress you’ve had to endure!!
Have your sister arrested for theft
Go over to Casey’s and get the jacket back.
You ain’t getting that jacket back, love. Might as well try getting money from your mum, cuz I think your sister will just tell you to sod off.
Honestly, can’t believe someone that close could be so disrespectful to you. For that alone, I’d call the cops on them.
Alright…
Your mom convinced you to hand over your jacket to your sister.
Your sister did not return it.
Apparently, your mother thinks it’s okay that your sister hands out your stuff to ppl you don’t know, and not return it.
Your mother should replace the jacket.
Your sister can get a job, and pay your mother back.
That way, she will hopefully learn to take care of things, because at this point, she clearly has no clue of what things cost.
This whole thing is also a good moment to tell your sister to stop taking any of your clothes. And stick to it.
She wants fancy clothes, she can get a job and work for them. Just like you do.
If you don’t get it back, your mum should pay for it!
Hold something that is dear to your sister, and expensive, hostage.
And after all this time it would have lost its ‘new jacket’ value… so ask for at least £250 as ransom…
Sisters are like that, mine sold my dslr and 3 lenses that I’d loaned to her without asking or offering me a share of the money….
Tell your parents to give you the money. Make them feel the consequences.
Take something of your moms that she values until she buys you a new jacket.
Call whoever has the jacket, tell her you need it, and go pick it up! Then put a lock on your closet door until your sister earns your trust back.
Call the police and report it as theft. Give them your sisters name and her friends. Tell them you want to press charges. Get a lock for your room and wardrobe
report it stolen. Sophie thinks it’s embarrassing to ask for your jacket back think how its gonna look when you go to the police?
You’re 23 its time to move out
Tell mum that she forced this and if you don’t get your jacket back in perfect condition by tonight you want 150 or there will be revenge
“Dear Mother, you forced me to let her borrow it – if it doesn’t come back by end of this week, you’ll have to replace it.”
Id go to mother and tell her she underwrote the loan to your sister and its now gone wrong. She has the option to replace the jacket with a new one or retrieve it from sisters friend. Take the router as hostage.
I understand you love your parents and your sister , however they seem to allow her to do what ever she wants, she knows that if she throws a toddler tantrum or runs away that she will get what ever she wants, that isn’t normal behavior, You ultimately need to do what you feel is best. I hope you get the jacket back and it’s in perfect condition,
That’s theft.
Tell her to get it back, becauze if she doesn’t, you are reporting it as stolen,and pressing charges.
It wasn’t hers to give. We teach 3 year olds that stuff. She knows it’s stealing.
Ok this is why I don’t lend people stuff. I don’t care if you’re fucking King Charles, you don’t get to borrow my shit.
This jacket is yours. Why mum sided with her if it’s your fucking jacket is beyond me.
In the future stand your ground just say no.
I say either you call Sophie’s friend yourself, be polite because I’d bet my left nut Sophie hasn’t asked for it back.
Explain it’s your jacket and would really appreciate it if she could bring it by tomorrow.
If not mum transfers you the £150 since she was so keen on her taking it.
I hate to say it, but at 23 if you don’t like the situation you could always move out. Pros and cons both ways staying and going. And yes I know it’s expensive out there, we all know that but that’s how you gain that “freedom”
NEVER let your sister near your closet again. Report the jacket as stolen if she doesn’t make that call in the next 10 minutes, because that’s what she did. She stole your jacket
Updateme
Tell your mother she needs to pay for a new exact same jacket since she insisted her spoilt princess be allowed to take it. Or you’ll pursue small claims court and possible petit larceny charges.
You need to start taking your sister’s and your Mom’s favourite clothes and hiding them. When they ask, tell them you lent them to a homeless person you met. You’ll get them back when they’re done with them.
If you don’t get it back and she doesn’t have any money she needs to sell some of her clothes/things to pay for your jacket.
Go to your mother and let her know that since she jumped in and pressured you as always that she owes you the replacement cost of the jacket. Maybe next time she will know better.
Tell the friend that the jacket was not your sister’s to give, and to hand it over.
There is only 1 course of action
That’s what our dachshunds do
You go to mom and sister. If she can afford a trip to Paris, she can afford to replace your coat or get it back.
If not, call the police, file a small claims case.
Tell mom and dad, that you do not have it and are contemplating a police report.
Tell Sophie to get your jacket back immediately or you’ll file a police report for theft.
Ask your mom to give you 150 until you get the jacket back in like new condition.
Go to her friend, and ask for the jacket back. Your sister should be embarrassed – no, ashamed – of her behavior. And it would be wrong for you to interfere with the consequences. Consequences are how we learn.
Tell your parents if they like your sister so much they need to give you 150 pounds for your jacket
Put a lock on your closet.
Get a lock for your closet. Never again.
Stop letting your sister borrow your clothes. Full stop. She’s spoiled and by giving in you’re enabling her.
Tell mom she replaces it or your pressing charges…Mom thinks $150 is no big deal she can cover it. And Sophie can pay her back…
Sell her stuff and buy new jacket.
Your sis will always say she doesn’t have the cash or literally any other excuse, that won’t change for the foreseeable future.
What your sister does have is stuff, most likely enough stuff that you could sell it for her and get a replacement jacket. This is your way out if things truly get out of hand.
Other than that, improve your life so you can move on. Your entire story reads like people stuck in high school, not young adults who should be in post secondary/finding careers already. I may be out of touch for Europe as it seems like everyone struggles or is beyond frugal but these are sorts of small potatoes, money wise.
Take her own favorite clothes, the more expensive the better and make it your hostage. Then lock your room
Why the fuck are you sharing your clothes wirh her?
Start taking anything nice your sister has!
Do the same thing to her but play it cool, when she gets mad act like its nothing, usually to show a shitty behavior, you have to mimic the behavior.
go to her house, say “my jacket” and hold out your hand
Start giving her stuff away.
Lock up you’re things in metal boxes with padlock, and lock on bedroom door 🔐.
Then keep focused on searching for own place.
I hope you get jacket back in original condition.
I’d find her contact details and contact her yourself. Tell her that it’s your jacket, not your sister’s and you need her to return it.
Let your sister be embarrassed
Updateme
Go to Casey’s house and get it back.
It’s not your embarrassment.
Buy a lock for your bedroom.
I would take all your sisters clothes and hid them until you get your clothes back! That is not acceptable. Your parents need to grow up and let your sister have it. Complete BS!!
Put a lock on your door since it’s apparent you live together and put her on the hook for the jacket and dry cleaning. Some rando wore your clothes god knows where.
Ask your parents to escort / drive your sister to her friend’s house to pickup your jacket.
Grin and bear it as long as you live at home. Youll never win against the golden child lol
Your sister would be a fucking nightmare to date, good luck to her future partner
You should’ve held your no to begin with
Tell your mother and Sophie that between the two of them, they owe you the return of the jacket or the money to replace it. Hold mom’s feet to the fire, because it never would have been lost if mom hadn’t backed her.
The underlying issue is that Sophie has a taste for things she can’t afford and is afraid of looking “poor” in front of her friends. That has to stop or Sophie is going become “that girl” who is the bane of all of her boyfriends.
Also tell Sophie that there will be no borrowing your clothes.
If mom’s not going to back you, it may be time to leave home.
Sounds like the bad plot from a sitcom of some sort.
Honestly what a joke allowing people to disrespect you and take your shit like that. Why give it to her in the first place. Tell her she’s got 2 days or raid her stuff for £150 worth of items and call it even
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This will be an excellent reason that your parents can’t make you give in to her ANYMORE. Id threaten with a police report honestly. It’s technically stolen.
This is genuinely insane to me. I would absolutely make my sister pay me for it, and if she wanted to argue we’re doing it in the dirt.
Give your mother an earful and call you your sister tell her she has till tomorrow or you’re charging $100 interest per day, end of, and if she really wants to kick a stink, go to her room and steal something of value and do not give it back.
Law enforcement. You call the police.
Give one of your sister’s favourite things to a friend.
Simple
UpdateMe
Stop letting your sister cross your boundaries. You said no and no means no. She has to go to your mum then tell your mum to go out and buy her a jacket. She’s not your responsibility.
your fault for enabling your sister by not standing up to them. take your sister’s phone and tell her if if you dont get the jacket back you will destroy her phone. harsh but it works
Your sister is a thief. She has 2 choices; get your hijacker back or buy you a new one.
You need to move ovr
Shoooo.. You have GOT to stop letting your family walk all over you. Clearly they have become accustomed to you being their personal doormat. Stop that. There was absolutely no reason you should have given into your sister and mom. You paid for it, it’s yours. Full stop. It doesn’t matter what your mother says, if “Sophie” wants the jacket mom can damn well buy her one.
I’d reach out to Casey personally and explain the situation – you need to throw your sister under the bus here and make it clear that you’re very hurt by the whole ordeal.
If the jacket never makes it back to you, you may be SOL. It doesn’t seem likely that your sister or mom will pay you for the jacket. If it were me, I’m absolutely positive I’d be petty af here and that that 150 out of future gifts… no Christmas gift for sister, hope she enjoyed that jacket in Paris!!
Tell her to get it back or you will file a report
Contact her friend through socials if you don’t have her number. Then, get a lock for your room so your sister can’t access your clothes anymore
You learned a lesson the hard way. Don’t lend people your clothes. I never lend any of my friends or family my clothing. If they like what I’m wearing they can go buy it themselves just like I did.
You get your jacket back first.. only after you get the jacket back do you talk with your mom. Like an adult calmly.
You explain to her that there will be no more lending of your clothes. Your sister broke your trust.
The key part is being calm and
Talking like an adult.
Do not do this with your sister present. First talk to your mom alone.
Well, your 0arents dont have a soft spot for your sister, they have a favorite and a doormat. You are the doormat. You are neither valued or respected. They dont give a damn about your feelings. You can report it stolen but bottom line is that you need to get out of that house or you never have any control. This is the argument that 2 teenage kids have. Not 2 adults with mommy and daddy siding with their favorite. Youre just the family doormat.
Move out, boundaries, privacy, and independence in one fell swoop.
Is anyone else wondering if Sis lost or damaged the jacket and made up the story about lending it to Casey? After all, it was supposedly loaned for the prior weekend and the next is starting.
Sis is setting it up for Casey to take the fall.
Confronts the friend. Make it awkward. Get it back without delay. If your sister’s embarrassed she’s brought it on herself. And she’s still in the dog house don’t let her forget that.
Mom should buy you a new one, or go get it back. Mom gives into the little sister and bug sis pays the consequences. I would want a replacement, not the old one back. Or, Mom should make sister go get it and pay for dry cleaning.
I’d take some things from your sister that she actually cares about that have equal or more value total than the jacket until it makes it back in good condition. Jacket has to come back in the condition in which your sister took it to get everything back. Say there’s some damage, you withhold whatever that damage is worth to you. When she says something about it, just say:
FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT.
Might be childish, but it might get the point across.