My older sister has always been what the family calls a “chronic liar”. It began in her childhood with her making up stories that were obviously false; sometimes people called her on it, but mostly we’d all just laugh it off.
It’s been getting worse the past few years — her lies are getting more grandiose, and now she makes up lies to people that just seem stupid or implausible (e.g., telling a group of siblings our brother was invited to be on Jeopardy, when he was right in the other room and everyone around knew this was false). We laugh about it when she is not around, but it has gotten to the point where we worry for her safety.
Decades ago my parents asked her gently to try therapy, and she got very upset/defensive. She gets like this whenever anyone tries to call her on her shit.
She has been fired from several jobs, but we never get the true story on why – she often says she quits because her bosses are incompetent. She is in a lot of debt. She is a very negative person but will often frame herself as the “hero”. The breaking point was today, when our dad told us his sister (our aunt) died. She texted in the family gc that she would visit her often and they had a special bond, even though we all know for a fact she never visited and this simply is not true. It’s not a laughing matter anymore; it’s sad, and concerning. We all want her to get help but how do you help someone who (likely) believes they’re always in the right — and who seems to actually believe all these stories she makes up?
Does anyone have advice on how to approach this? I’m getting my masters in psych right now and have some ideas of disorders she might have, and I think the best route is to see a psychologist/psychiatrist and get a formal diagnosis. But… how can we get her through the door?
[TLDR: sister makes up grandiose stories, it’s getting worse & seems often like she actually believes them. How do we get her help without her getting defensive about it?]
Comments
Unfortunately, your sister almost certainly has an undiagnosed psychological or personality disorder.
The clues that she is not merely a “chronic liar” and that this is something more serious are that (a) she makes up and believes her own grandiose stories (often a symptom of narcissism, a type of personality disorder), (b) she is unable to hold a job because of her behavior, and (c) she refuses to get help because she is convinced that there is nothing wrong with her.
The only way for her to get better is to seek an appointment with a family doctor who can refer her to a psychiatrist or therapist.
You can’t win with people like this. They will believe anything to protect their ego.
This is a very complicated situation. Obviously, your sister has some type of undiagnosed mental health disease and would most likely benefit from professional help, including a licensed therapist and a psychiatrist.
Encouraging someone with an undiagnosed mental health condition to seek professional help requires a delicate and supportive approach. Start by expressing your concern in a calm and empathetic manner, focusing on specific behaviors you’ve observed that cause you worry. Offer to help her find resources and accompany her to appointments, if she’s open to it. Remember that education, patience, and unconditional support are crucial throughout the process.
Don’t believe anything she says ever again
She’s 45..tell her straight she needs to see the doctor.. If she doesn’t go there is nothing you can do.
I think it’s kind of too late in a sense. Your parents should have taken control while she was still a minor and pursued to get professional help. Compulsive lying is often a symptom of mental disorder.
Only way is to convince her to seek some professional help, but it maybe hard.