As the title says my sister was flying to Germany to see her husband of the last 10 years. Prior to boarding her connecting flight she received a message request on Facebook and after opening it (already boarded the plane) discovered his affair. The affair partner did not know he was married and decided to tell my sister as she was also disgusted with him. Also we know it’s true because of the photos/texts the affair partner sent. She’s been suspecting something was up but he gaslit her into thinking she was crazy! Of course. Even more sickening is they were about to start trying for a baby with my sister.
My sister and I are wondering what she should do? After seeing the evidence there is no way my sister can reconcile with him. Some things that complicate this are that my mother is with us (she will lose it) when she finds out. My sister and him are both in the military. He has the rental car and hotel in his name. She’s wondering if she should pretend nothing is wrong until after the trip? But I don’t think she can mentally put herself through that nor should she. She’s been throwing up, crying, and just a complete wreck. Should she wait to confront him after the trip? I think she says screw that and we find a hotel/rental car on our own. I can’t imagine she’ll be able to handle being around him. Should she report his adultery to a JAG or lawyer? Should she go nuclear and tell all our friends and family?
Any advice is welcome!
Comments
Oh man, that’s rough. Honestly, she should just bail rn. No need to stick out the trip. Get a hotel, rent a car, full stop. And hell yeah, report his sorry ass to JAG, he doesn’t deserve to get away with this scot-free. Going nuclear might feel good, but she should take some time before picking that battle. Best of luck to your sis, tell her not to sell short her worth for this POS. Also, virtual hugs cuz this is a shitshow no one should go through. 🤗💔💪
she should enjoy her holiday in Germany solo travel is very fun
JAG and tell family. Good luck.
Get a flight back to the US, don’t speak to him and don’t even leave the airport in Germany.
Tell the JAG, but divorce is handled in civilian court so she can research lawyers on the flight.
I would not suggest going nuclear, as much as it might feel good to lash out it will just add to the noise and confusion. That said, she should not keep his secrets, anyone who asks gets a simple ‘he cheated, I am filing for divorce’.
I’m sorry you guys are going through this.Hope she finds peace.
This is from chatGPT, but it makes sense, so why not use it as advice? (I modified it a bit)
First, you say everything is clear and 100% sure BUT, I would dive in a bit deeper and have as much proof as possible. I mean things can seem 100% but when we’re emotional, we are more likely to make mistakes based on feelings.
Everything starts with a conversation. She’s already going, so she should confront him with this evidence. If he gaslights again, she can part ways then and there and enjoy a nice European vacation.
JAG! But also, yes! Stay! Enjoy your trip! Germany is beautiful and so fun! Don’t let him keep ruining things, starting right now. You came all this way. And I love that it was her idea to stay so even more so, yes! Then deal with whatever you need to when you get home.
This is really bad . I wouldn’t go nuts or show my hand right away , but shortly after you arrive , maybe have a backup plan for another motel or rental car . I’m sorry for this crazy problem .
Tell him to FO. Talk to a JAG. Block his sorry ass so you so can salvage what you can if your trip. Research divorce lawyers during the long return trip. She can go nuclear on him anytime in the future. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
She should buy herself a little bit of time to reduce her emotional energy so that she can make clear minded decisions. Whatever that requires.