I used to date this guy some years ago, almost two years. It was serious we met each other families, discussed moving in, trips. I believed that he could be the one. And then suddenly he said he was not ready to commit and broke up with me. I felt devastated, humiliated, and I was quite frankly blindsided.
Jump to the last month and my little sister tells me she is engaged. I was clapping, smiling, all the sisterly things, till I saw who she was marrying. I literally felt my stomach drop. My ex. The one who was not ready apparently just needed my sister to be ready. We never actually discussed the timing of when it began, and she insists that it was well after we had split up- but the chronology does not feel right to my gut.
She phoned me last night, all excited, and wanted to know whether I would be her maid of honor. Stand next to her as she gets married to my ex, smile in the pictures, make a touching speech. I literally stood still on the phone. My face was getting hot, and I was shaking. At this moment, I am in a state of conflict between the desire to maintain peace, to shout out, to say, absolutely not, and to simply disappear until the entire situation is resolved. I do not know whether I am more hurt, angry or simply numb.
Comments
This feels like emotional whiplash. You have every right to say no without guilt
Love vs hate. What do you want to fallow you around for the rest of your life with regards to this?
Your call.
Uhhh you have EVERY right to be pissed. I would do it because she is your sister and blood is thicker than water however, I would not partake in the festivities. Plus its weird that even after you two were together, they both decided that it would be a good idea to date, fall in love and get married? That is messed up.
So sorry for you, sounds like you deserve better. I hope you have a good man now.
How has your sister gotten to the point of being engaged without you even knowing who she was dating? You can’t be very close.
Nope, don’t force yourself into a role that feels like a betrayal to you. You don’t have to be the maid of honor, just tell her how you feel and give yourself space to heal
Fuck that. I wouldn’t believe that he didn’t leave you for your sister either. How diabolical.
I would not be going ANYWHERE near that wedding.
Book a trip with friends for when you’re wedding is.
If anyone tries guilt tripping you, tell them you’re allowed to protect your mental health and not attend your exes wedding and the sister who betrayed you.
And that if they mention it again, you’ll block them.
No, that’s what you should have said.
Gross. Your sister is gross. Your ex is gross. Your family would be gross if they pushed for you to do this. Why the hell did your sister start dating your ex? Why the hell do you have no idea until the point of marriage? Has your family known the whole time? This reeks of secrets and manipulation and I’m sure soon to be guilt tripping and gaslighting your feelings around the entire situation.
Hell no.
She didn’t bother to tell you she was dating your ex? She just sprang an engagement on you? That’s a betrayal.
“I was devastated when he broke up with me. There is no way I could possibly be your maid of honor and pretend to be happy that my sister is marrying the man that broke my heart.”
Let’s think this through.
Assuming they didn’t cheat — and that’s a huge assumption, but let’s go with it — they met up sometime relatively soon after your breakup, and they BOTH thought so little of you that they were willing to jump into bed with each other.
They CLEARLY knew it wasn’t kosher because they’ve been together two years and haven’t mentioned it. I’m going to bet they kept it off their socials — or they blocked you.
Now they want to get married, and they think you should be miraculously okay with it. So they blindside you, not with a relationship, but with an ENGAGEMENT. And, oh, can you be Maid of Honor and do all the work and spend a ton of money and stand up and tell everyone how lucky she is to have such a great guy?
Your decision here is going to affect the rest of your life — but you know that, which is the ONLY reason you’re struggling. You’re going to have to live with their PDA. You’re going to have to see their children. You’re going to have to listen to family say, “It’s for the best.”
It’s. Going. To. SUCK — and that’s if you make the “mature” choice.
Alternatively, you can block them both. Go NC except for family gatherings. Here’s the thing: They won’t CARE — they sure as hell haven’t cared thus far — EXCEPT it will make them look bad. They will DRAG you to family and friends. You will have to live with being the villain in the family because you “couldn’t be the bigger person.”
This choice too is Going. To. SUCK.
There is no winning choice here. Your sister SUCKS. (Sorry, but there is absolutely no way for her not to suck here. No way.)
You have to decide which path will either suck less or make you feel less awful. I know which one I would take, but I don’t know how dependent you are on the approval of your family. Personally, I wouldn’t let your “relationship” with your sister factor in AT ALL. The bitch may have cheated with your ex, but even if she didn’t, lied to you for two years.
UpdateMe!
Umm I would politely decline.
You will need to get over this or you will lose your sister – that might be worth it.
she should have told you as soon as they started dating.
she should never have sprung this on you and pretended like you should just be over it.
and still – if you want your sister in your life, you”ll have to get past this.
Id say no to maid of honor but yes to br
being there and demand a convo about this.
That’s a huge betrayal from the sister if she knew you dated him. It makes sense for the guy to do whatever he wants as he’s sounds like a douchbag and he apparently has no regard for your feelings but your own sister should be more careful.
My guess is he dated you, had his fun with you and then saw your sister and decided to switch ship since he already got what he wanted with you and now he can move to the other one. Two birds with single stone. That’s a complete asshole move if true. But the reason why it came to me is because they dated without informing you, which means he didn’t have good intentions.
You have every right to be upset because this guy will be part of the family soon and you wouldn’t ever be able to forget this betrayal. I say protest this BS and refuse to attend this event. You don’t owe anyone anything. But do tell your sister what a shithsow she’s throwing and she should have compassion for her family even if you’re half siblings.
No your sister knows what she was doing a lot of people’s sisters sleep with a man behind their back she knows what she’s doing I wouldn’t believe her bull crap. And don’t let her get away with pretending it was after you she should not be with your ex that’s not right you got every right to feel the way you feel your sister is wrong for what she’s doing and you need to confront her about it no way I’m going to stand beside you smiling knowing that you were cheating with my man behind my back they were cheating the whole time behind your back and now she wants to play dumb she’ll start crying and pretend she didn’t know get ready for the water works get ready for the lies and then you be in the bad guy in their eyes because you’re not going to roll with the delusion that they’re trying to throw to you. Damn right dirty but you know what it won’t last because what he did to you he’ll do to her it seems like he’s just trying to sleep with two sisters..
The fact that she would even consider dating one of your exes, says it all. I would not attend the wedding. I would not obviously be the maid of honor and I would not even deal with this person in anyway.
Just politely decline to not be apart of the wedding anymore than standard guest and make up reasons that your life is really busy right now and your broke. That if you even care for keeping the peace and having a relationship in the future with your sister for the rest of your life. Outright refusal than you might as well bury your sister because she would be burying you. Things to consider. Good luck. Hard choices and that a wedding or a funeral.
Did she know they were your ex?! Or did everyone figure it out as a weird coincidence?
You are well within your rights to say no.
My advice? Give it TIME and talk it out with a non-vested party. More than once.
Do not be moh heck I would be questioning if I go to the wedding why did they wait to they was engaged to tell you obviously your family knew too
Y’all put the fun in dysfunctional.
Maybe you do it and then at the toast you say, “And remember, he really likes his ass eaten.”
This is just cringe. That relationship is super sus. I could never date one of my sister’s exes, let alone marry one, especially if he’d broken her heart. I’d boycott it all. Very few people attend their exes weddings. You shouldn’t feel obligated to attend and certainly not to be in the wedding party.
The whole thing sucks.
“No.” is a full sentence. I couldn’t be MOH to someone who has been lying to me for years about who they were dating.
It’s not just the wedding… What about all the events beforehand etc? If your sister wasn’t a complete AH, she would’ve told you years ago and you would’ve had time to adjust to the idea. But springing it on you like this… No friggin way. I’m not even sure I’d go to the wedding, let alone be in it.
Say NO. She has a lot of nerve even making that kind of request. Out if all the men in the world she decides to secretly date your ex and now wants you to act like you give them your blessing by being in the wedding. She needs to be made aware of how you’re feeling about all that.