I’m 28F. Was supposed to marry the love of my life in three months. Out of nowhere, he called off the wedding, saying he “couldn’t trust me completely.” I was blindsided.
Yesterday I found out my own sister has been secretly texting him for weeks, telling him I’ve cheated (completely false), that I’m hiding things, basically him feeding lie after lie.
She claims she was “protecting him” from getting hurt by me. I’m heartbroken and furious.
Do I try to repair anything with her, or is this the kind of betrayal you never come back from?
My sister is the reason my fiancé left me, do I ever forgive her?
r/Advice
Comments
Wth! How was she protecting him by telling him stuff they wasn’t true!? Did you ask her that?
If he’s that spineless, be thankful to your sister… you dodged a bullet.
Is this true? You didnt do anything
You’re sister wants him for herself. Or she’s just a massive narcissist.
Theres no way you should forgive her for telling lies that destroyed your life like that.
okay you seriously need to have a conversation with her because either she just stabbed you in the back or something else is happening here…there’s just so many reasons why she could have lied. did she want him for herself? does she hate seeing you happy? did she find out something about him and tried to push him away FOR you? i don’t know how id forgive someone for doing that but she owes you an explanation at least.
also the fact he believed her after weeks of conversation? if none of it is true then obviously there’s no evidence of you cheating among other things. i’d say you killed two birds with one stone because you need to cut them BOTH off if this is the case.
Not sure about you, but I could not have her in my life anymore. Obviously, it’s detrimental to yours!
Go to a lawyer. This is a very clear case of defamation and the damages for emotional distress and possibly economic hardship are pretty clear cut.
You’ll need to prove you were faithful though.
You don’t need to try and repair anything, because she fucked your relationship. If she wants to work hard over time to apologise, rebuild trust, etc. then she can start working on that. If she doesn’t want to, why would you?
I’d also note as others have said that your fiance also demonstrated his own major failings by believing your sister without ever discussing it with you. Most reasonable partners would say “hey, your sister sent me this, let’s discuss it” and figure out the truth. The fact he didn’t even bring it up to you shows he wasn’t worth having anyway. Which doesn’t remotely excuse your sister’s conduct either of course.
You should go to therapy and seriously unpack why you would wanna go back and pet the snake that bit you when you weren’t even looking and for no reason at all
I feel like there’s a lot more to this story. Does your sister have a history of sociopathic behaviour? Does your fiancé have a history of believing unsubstantiated gossip about you? Did you do something untrustworthy that your sister knows about?
This post just seems like a LOT to happen with absolutely nothing behind it.
And why cant you freely talk to your finance about this? Can’t he trust you enough and understand you?
Don’t forgive the sister. I would cut contact with her and your ex. She clearly doesn’t want you to be happy.
So your sister lied to your fiancé, who believed her and ended things with you without even a discussion about what was true, and now you’re wondering if you should forgive her?
No, you should not.
You should silently thank her for saving you from marrying a cowardly jellyfish, then you should forget that she exists.
Seriously, why would you want someone in your life who would do something like that to you?
But why did he believe her, you clearly weren’t the love of his life. Sister needs to be cut off completely.
I mean to mean it means I lost a sibling and infact I never had one. I’ll remove any existence and memory of that sibling and for good measure, the fiance is dead too. Say a RIP to them and move on in life.
That’s me though, you do you.
You need to cut her off, she’s jealous and will continue to ruin anything that comes your way. She’s toxic and be glad the boyfriend left because that just shows how much of a wimp he is, doesn’t talk to you about your sister texting him? If he was hiding this what else would he hide? Sorry but your sister is downright evil and won’t stop hurting you or destroying anything good you may have. Don’t forgive her , move , block her and don’t give in
Is any of it true? If not, sit down with the ex and try to hash it out. If it is, learn from your mistakes and in both cases cut contact with the sister. She is not a friend to you.
Why would you ever want her to be part of your life again?
Nope, sorry. There’s no coming back from this. If she does this once she’ll do it again. She’s not your sister, she’s a jealous vindictive c^nt.
Does your sister want a relationship with you? It doesn’t sound like she’s a fan. If so, then she went about this in the wrong way, even if she believes the was doing the right thing. This is a tough one- I mean, a sibling can’t be replaced but this is quite a betrayal. You’d need some serious heart-to-heart talks and to agree on a new path forward.
I am curious why your fiance didn’t talk to you about these accusations. Why would he so readily believe them? It sounds like, betrayal notwithstanding, he would have flaked out on you at some point in the future.
I’m sorry for your loss.
It’s not going to be a quick forgiveness this will take a long time to get past. Good luck
how could you trust her again now?
Cut your sister out of your life for good. There is no reason why you would need to rebuild a relationship with a backstabber.
Also, why would your ex fiance not come to you and ask you about these lies? Why would he just believe her over you without question? If he is the type to only listen to one side of the story and not get the whole truth, then you dont need him either. Good riddance to both of them.They can have each other, which is probably what is happening.
Get therapy and forget you have a sister. That’s the only way you can protect yourself for someone who deliberately hurt you.
All are too old for this. Supposed to get it out of your systems in high school. I’m sorry that happened! You said “love of my life” so I think you should ask for proof. Then gauge if she just wanted to sabotage you, or be with him.
He couldn’t even come to you to ask about what she’s texting?? Cut both of them off.
Sounds like you dont have a sister anymore. She’d be dead to me.
So, your fiancé never told you that your sister texted him, the content of the texts, he just called off the wedding without discussion?
Your sister is not the only AH here, you had a serious BF’s problem too.
How could the man you were to marry not talk to you about such a serious matter? How could he just believe your sister when he was suppose to trust you and ask for the truth?
She’s not the only one who betrayed you. HE was the one you were in a relationship with. He betrayed you the most. He just gave up on you. He was the love of your life but you weren’t his. You dodged a big bullet.
Surprising he wouldn’t consult with you after he got those texts ? He was about to marry you so he’s definitely entitled to verify the truth. Does he have reason to believe they’re true?
She would be d.e.a.d. to me.
Your sister was jealous that she wasn’t in love and going to be married, so she ruined your chance for now. I would be isolating her. Forgive? I don’t know. She lied and betrayed you. Take ‘sister’ of it and would you forgive a friend?
If a man truly loved me and it went to the step of being a fiancé, then the man would and should know you enough to not trust BS spewed by a jealous third party
Defamation lawsuit
Your sister wants to marry him.
Short; this is a betrayal one can’t come back from. Your sister is a MASSIVE SNAKE and you should cut her completley out of your life to get peace. She doesn’t deserve a second chance at all.
Also, don’t grieve your fiancé. If he wasn’t able to talk to you about this in person he wasn’t worth it.
I hope you don’t live anywhere near her. You have a horrible sister. You should have already been aware of her evil tendencies.
Block her for life. Don’t invite her to anything – for life. She is garbage. If the family gets involved – practice telling them to butt out.
Move.
Good luck.
Omg sh**t her!
You shouldn’t be worrying about this. Since she seems to not mind to take matters in her own hands, she’ll work her ass off to get you to forgive her. Your problem here is to find a good therapist, like right now
I have a feeling there‘s more to this story. The fiancé and the sister are a couple, and dreamed this story up. In a few months they‘ll announce that they “ran into each other” and started dating after OP “hurt the fiancé.”
Why forgive her? She clearly doesn’t like you. There’s no use forgiving people who have decided to hate you arbitrarily. You cut them out of your life and move on.
She will probably do this to any partners you have in the future. She literally sabotaged your relationship for no reason. To me you can’t ever trust someone that devious.
No! Confront her in front of your parents and him, tell her your relationship is irreparably over then tell him that you are hurt and extremely disappointed that he would listen to her lies and not come to you to at least discuss it! Your parents better back you. Your sister wants him for herself. She’s poison.
He left without even talking about your sisters nasty insinuations? In a way this is a blessing, it shows he wasn’t someone that you could trust. In your sisters case, you don’t have to repair anything.
In fact it would be in your best interest too completely cut her out of your life. Someone like this will do this again. Either she was jealous or wanted your fiancé to herself. Cut ties with both your sister and your ex.
Nope, cut her off. No contact. If she does it now, she’ll do it later. No sense in putting yourself thru that time an time again. An trust me, my sister was the same way. An afterI forgave her an socialized with her, she would do something shitty again. Trust me. Cut her off. Or very low contact.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up married
Repair no, hard boundaries need to be made. Forgive, yes, in time, so you don’t have to carry that ick in your heart. Forgiving her doesn’t mean you have to tell her or interact with her in any way at all ever again, if you are not comfortable with it. It’s a personal act that you do for yourself and your own peace.