I’m a 20 year old FM now, and I’ve been carrying this weight for a long time.
When I was around 12 or 13, my sister’s boyfriend (let’s call him A) moved into our home. At the time, he was 18 or 19. I remember the first time I ever felt uncomfortable around him: I had forgotten something in my room after a shower, threw on a cardigan, and ran a few steps across the hall. He saw me and gave me a look that immediately set off alarm bells in my head. I got yelled at for it, but what stuck with me wasn’t the scolding — it was how he looked at me.
From there, the subtle but consistent boundary crossing began: brushing up against me, finding excuses for physical contact, bringing up inappropriate topics, and gradually creating this atmosphere where I no longer felt safe in my own home. I had already experienced abuse at the hands of a step-parent when I was very young, so unfortunately, I recognized the signs.
I started dressing in oversized clothes, trying to shrink myself, and even tried being rude to him, thinking it would deter him. It didn’t.
When I turned 18 and moved out, he added me on Snapchat. I knew no one would believe me without proof, so I started keeping a record. He messaged me constantly — manipulating, guilt-tripping, telling me personal things about my sister (his girlfriend), and making comments that were entirely inappropriate. Then, during a New Year’s visit, he touched me again. That night I felt sick. I cried to my cousin and finally decided to tell my parents.
They didn’t believe me.
My stepmom made it clear that I wasn’t really welcome. My dad, who I always thought would stand by me, said nothing. I didn’t go to the police — what he did wasn’t legally “enough” — but it was enough to traumatize me.
A few months later, my disabled younger sister was hospitalized. I rushed there when they called, and they acted like nothing had happened. My stepmom even told me I should apologize and admit I lied. I didn’t — because I didn’t lie.
Since then, I’ve gone mostly low-contact. I’ve tried to rebuild something, but every time I do, it hurts. My stepmom recently berated me out of nowhere. My dad compares me to my sister. And it’s painful because I’m not failing. I have my own place, I’m working, I’m in college to be a nurse. I’m doing the best I can, and none of that seems to matter.
I miss my family. I miss the sister I once idolized. I told the truth because I believed she deserved to know, because I loved her, and because I didn’t want anyone else to be hurt. And now I’m the one who’s been pushed out. I just don’t understand why.
Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have said anything. But then I remember how gross it felt, how violated I was, and I know I had to speak up — even if no one listened.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for. Maybe support. Maybe validation. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere and not be called a liar.
Thank you for reading.
UPDATE:
My sister and her boyfriend are engaged! My stepmoms said I will regret not repairing the relationship if I don’t do so now saying i should apologize and say that I lied. BUT I DIDNT LIE!
EDIT:
EDIT / A little more background:
I honestly didn’t expect anyone to care this much—I mostly just needed to vent. But seeing the responses made me realize I should share a bit more context.
When I was little, I was abused by my stepdad. He groomed me and did other things I’m not comfortable going into here. After that, my bio dad got emergency custody of me. He had full custody of me until I turned 18. My mother was a drug addict and wasn’t really in my life. I’m actually the result of a one-night stand, and if I hadn’t been abused, my dad likely wouldn’t have reached out to get custody. There was never a strong father-daughter bond to begin with, but I was 6 I felt alone and I clung to him because I had nobody else.
My stepmom never really liked me. I was an angry kid—I acted out a lot, partly because of what I went through as a child, but also because I never got proper help or support to deal with it. I have four siblings on my dad and stepmom’s side, and two more from my bio mom. I don’t have any full siblings, and growing up, the favoritism was obvious. I was always treated as the least important, the most difficult, and the one that didn’t quite belong. K my sister whose boyfriend is a creep was/is the favorite.
All of that has added so much weight to everything that’s happened with A, my sister, and my parents not believing me. I’ve always felt like an outsider in my own family, and trying to do the right thing just made that even more painfully clear.
After I spent that New Year’s weekend at my parents’ house, A touched me inappropriately several times. I guess me being 18 made him feel bolder. It was disgusting and made me spiral emotionally. The next day, I went home completely overwhelmed. I had been drinking the night I finally told my parents everything—what he did that weekend, and the way he had acted toward me in the past. I regret being under the influence when I told them, but realistically, that may have been the only way I would have ever worked up the nerve to say it out loud.
Their reaction was awful. They basically kicked me out and sent me home. After that, I texted my sister (K) and sent her the screenshots and inappropriate pictures A had sent me. She immediately denied it was him—said it wasn’t his Snapchat and that the explicit photos I received weren’t of him… even though you could clearly see my parents’ basement in the background of one of them.
I’ve had no contact with K or A since then. I do occasionally still see my dad, stepmom (or stepmonster, honestly), and one of my sisters, but the relationship is strained and complicated.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has commented with so much love and support! I really wasnt expecting it!
Comments
You are the victim in a family full of victim blamers. Im so very sorry all of this has happened. You may need to create your own family from friendships, because this family may not be worth salvaging
Since it sounds like no one else has said it: I’m proud of you for speaking your truth, and your feelings are valid.
I’m sorry your family isn’t stepping up for you like they should. You deserve so much better, and I hope you’re able to find that and build it for yourself.
just expose them in social media with all the proofs you have, and your stinky step mom as well
I don’t think anyone living in their own realities would choose to believe you, unfortunately. Also sadly, we live in a world where only the most atrocious gets recognized or acknowledged as something had happened. You’re right, all the subtle AH creep things he did to you were not enough to trigger actual legal consequences, but your family denying what had taken place is hurtful. They are actively choosing the easier way out by living out their realities instead of even considering how much of an AH your sister’s now fiance is.
What about your dad? Your stepmom is an AH, and your dad is also an AH for not setting out to establish a better relationship with you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but maybe it’s time to let them go and create your own family, because the alternative is this weird space where you are neither family nor friend with them.
Good luck! Updateme
You will do great without them honestly. Im also proud of you for standing up for yourself and your acomplishments not because of them but despite if them!
Sounds fake. You told your sister? What was her reaction? You showed her the proofs you said you collected? This should be the main post, it doesnt really matter how your dad/stepmother reacted.
Fuck. I hope they don’t have kids, especially hope they don’t have a girl. Men like that CANNOT be trusted around children, even their own.
When unfathomable shit is happening within the family; some people are too ashamed, delusional or straight up won’t admit anything is wrong/going on. You are very brave and did the right thing. Ik it’s hard to admit but your family is shitty. It’s your decision whether you let them back in your life if all of this stops but I wouldn’t advise to it. XOXO
OP, I believe you. You are courageous. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. Please go NC, and tell people. If you were underage with any of those messages you could still go to the police. You are better than any of these people. Get revenge by living a great healthy active life. Keep all these comments to look at when you are down, but know it will get easier. You will “make” a new family, and they will love you unconditionally. ❤️
One day that demon’s behaviour will be exposed and your family will come running back and demand that you forgive them for not believing you.
They’re just as evil as he is and you’re better off without them. I’m very sorry all of this happened an I hope you live a much better life from now on
I believe you.
It sounds like you have been through hell, and more than once. Your family isn’t your REAL family, not anymore; they’re just some assholes who used to know you. Which sucks ass.
It’s clear that you are very, very strong, very intelligent, and considerably more brave than the cretins who you used to live with. I am extremely proud of you for moving forward and doing what’s right for you. When you meet your real family, I bet you will be amazed at how they embrace you like a daughter. I wish that I could; you are an amazing person.
Why didn’t you show them the Snapchat’s?
I would compile all the proof and post it tagging all of them.
Tell your stepmother what you regret is being born into the family you were, that wouldn’t believe you. When you told them the truth of what happened
Sometimes as much as it sucks staying LC/NC with the toxic people in your life is the only way to keep the peace in your own. Your stepmonster sounds horrible. Also I would skip the wedding. You will only be harassed to apologize.
The only ones regretting things will be them. When he does something to someone & they realize you really were telling the truth. But they had their heads too far up their own asses to acknowledge it.
Honestly, they dont deserve you. Im proud of you for not only standing up for yourself but for making an amazing life for yourself away from them.
Family isn’t always blood. It hurts, but surround yourself with folks who care & reciprocate those feelings.
I support you. I know this may not mean a lot, but I want to know that I stand by you, appreciate your courage and I want and know that it will get much better for you.
If it’s icky to you it’s ICKY PERIOD!!
I will say this much… he will get caught doing something.
You tried to warn them.
Fulfill your life with solid friends.
Congratulations on independence and going to nursing school!!
Not sure if you mentioned therapy… do look into that.
I hope you find solid, trustworthy, kind people in your life.
I’d go no contact.
(I have also been assaulted in such a manor by older men in my life… I know that feeling….)
You know what we’ll be your family. Cause wtf…..
This makes me so angry. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You need to keep telling your stepmom that you didn’t lie and that you are offended and hurt that you coming forward with the truth has made you an outcast. Tell her she is a victim blamer. Please NEVER give in and lie and say you lied to appease your step mom.
I would stay away from stepmom.
That ain’t no family… again I’m so sorry
Wait, they saw all the fking evidence and thought you must have made it all up? Wtf is wrong with them??
No matter what happens going forward, you let people know what happened. Whether they believe or act upon this information is up to them. You did exactly the right thing, and cutting off contact has kept you safe.
I’m so sorry that you haven’t received the support you deserve. Its not fair, but it happens so often that its easier for a lot of people to believe that nothing happened then act like something did. The perpetrator won’t be able to hide himself for ever, he will eventually show his true colours. Unfortunately its costing you though.
Now though you get to choose. You get to decide that you can survive and thrive without the traditional support other people get. You get to find your new family of people who will stand by you no matter what. You get to choose not to let on creep affect the sort of person you are. You get to decide the person you want to be going forward, and work towards that. You’ve already shown you are strong, you won’t back down when something is wrong, you’re smart and will collect evidence, and you will protect yourself from people who don’t lift you up and support you.
You will be sad that your old relationships have forever changed. Even if people change their mind tomorrow it will never leave your memory with how they didn’t believe you. That they put their comfort over your trauma. That they chose someone who hurt you over your relationship with them. The sorrow is from them showing you that they weren’t the people you always thought they were. Keep remembering that you did nothing wrong and they all owe you an apology. Whether you ever accept it or not is up to you.
As one survivor who wasn’t believed to another, I am so proud of you for speaking up, for not backing down, and for being loud enough for everyone to hear. They can’t ever say they didn’t know, you made sure of that. Well done! You’ve made it so that his next victim – and there will be one – will be believed easier. You’ve made it so your sister will be more aware of what he’s doing even if she denies what happened. You’ve made your father aware that he should keep an eye on this guy around young women in the future.
Try not to let this whole thing affect how you treat people going forward. Most people are good people. Most men won’t treat you badly. You’ll find people who will stick with you through anything, people who want what’s best for you, and that would bury that pervert if you asked. Its good to understand that their are people out there who are slimy, who won’t respect you, and a few who may want to actively hurt people, but you’re more able to recognise them now. Trust your instincts and look at for yourself. But mostly don’t lose who you are because some creep can’t keep his eyes to himself.
I don’t know if this has been said already, but is it possible for someone to check with your younger sister? I know that what you’re dealing with is more than enough of a rough situation, but… She’s at risk too.
My intention isn’t to put this task on you, but if (god forbid) there are more victims, it may be easier to get him away from you?
I apologize if this is wrong to say. I lack the proper etiquette for these topics, I assume.
I’m not native English speaker.
Get counseling. You need help healing from all of the emotional, physical, psychological and sexual abuse you’ve experienced. LOVE yourself!!! Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You told the truth. They’ve chosen to ignore you. He’s a predator. He will find someone else to molest. Stay away from all of them. You did nothing to deserve the way you’ve been treated all of your life. It’s never been a you issue. It’s always been a them issue. You deserve to be loved. Counseling will help you heal and move forward.
They will never respect you or believe you unless he gets caught hurting someone else.
You deserve more.
It sucks to remove your parents and siblings from your life, but you’ll be better for it. I know I was.