Hi Reddit,
I’m sorry if my wording is a bit off, it’s been a long day. I (45M) am originally from Russia but have lived in the U.K. for the past 20 years. My son (17M) is adopted. I’ve raised him since he was 6. He is everything to me.
Yesterday, he came into my room and said he needed to tell me something. He looked pale and nervous, like he was going to be sick. His eyes seemed red like he’d already cried. He told me he’s gay. And before I could even say anything, he started crying really hard. He kept saying “I’m sorry,” like he had done something terrible.
I didn’t know what to do. I tried to hug him, but he flinched like he was expecting me to hit him. That broke my heart. I told him I love him no matter what. That didn’t seem to calm him down. He just cried more, kept asking if I was mad, if I still wanted him.
The truth is, I’m not mad. I’m not even surprised. Part of me had wondered. But I come from a place where this is not really talked about. I grew up hearing very harsh things about gay people. In my head, I know a lot of that was wrong, but the feelings are complicated, especially since even here in the U.K a lot of people talk badly about gay people.
I don’t want to hurt my son. I don’t want him to feel afraid of me. I don’t care that he’s gay. I care that he felt he had to apologize for being himself. I must have done something wrong to make him feel that way. That’s on me.
I guess I’m writing this because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. How do I support him in the right way? I didn’t grow up with examples of this. I don’t know how to talk about it without saying the wrong thing. I want to be the kind of father who makes him feel safe.
Please, any advice is welcome. I’m not perfect, but I want to do better.
Thank you.