I am 30F, 7 months pregnant with my first child. My step sister Dana is 34F and her daughter is now 1. My dad married her mother when we were young, 8 and 12 but we were never close. My paternal side of the family also made it clear from the beginning that I am their only grandchild/niece from my father, so while they were nice to Dana growing up, they never really saw her as an additional granddaughter/niece etc.
Everybody was nice to Dana while she was pregnant. We congratulated her, brought gifts for her baby, attended her baby shower and assumed everything was ok. But ever since I got pregnant she has been acting crazy and I honestly had enough of her non sense. She is obsessed with my weight and is trying to convince everybody in our family that I am mentally unwell, that I am following diets and starving myself so I don’t gain too much weight and that I am putting my son in danger. I am not. Up until now when I am 7 months pregnant I have gained 7 kg (15 pounds) and my doctor is very happy with my health and how the baby is growing. My son is healthy, he has the perfect weight for his age. The doctor said he is not too big, not too small, just perfect weight. There are no concerns on his development or my health. I am also not dieting, I eat every time I am hungry but I am careful with what I eat and when I eat certain foods. As an example I will not have cake for breakfast or late in the night because we all know it blows up your sugar levels but I will have cake after lunch. I tested negative for toxoplasmosis so I only eat really well done meat, no raw fish, I make sure to wash all fruits and vegetables really well before eating. Little things like that.
Dana’s comments have been bothering me for a very long time. I told her to stop, I explained over and over again what I have written above and ultimately I started ignoring her. But the thing is I am done. Last weekend we celebrated my grandfather and apparently I once again proved to her I am starving myself because I did not have some tuna spread…My grandmother loves to cook and most of the times she cooks things from scratch. I love her tuna spread but I know how she prepares it. With canned tuna and homemade mayo, meaning raw egg. So as much as I love her spread, I can’t have it right now because it’s not recommended to have tuna while pregnant and neither raw eggs. Again Dana started telling our family things like “See! She used to love the spread and now won’t have it because she doesn’t want to get fat! She needs mental help immediately”. I got up with my husband and told my family that I am sorry but I am done. I deserve peace and to enjoy time with my family and the only person who needs help is Dana. My family asked me to stay and kicked her out with her husband and daughter, telling her that for the rest of my pregnancy she will not be invited to gatherings.
My step mom is now bothering me to forgive Dana so that she is not excluded from family gatherings making it seem like it’s my fault my family doesn’t want her there. I told her that she could have used this energy in making her daughter behave before she had to face the consequences for her stupidity and if she keeps bothering me, maybe we won’t have her neither for family gatherings. So aitah in this?
Comments
You’re protecting your peace and your baby. Nta
NTA. Hopefully Dana gets a clue. UpdateMe!
NTA! Your step sister is, though.
Nta obviously. Dana is a pathetic, jealous and insecure person.
Updateme
NTA
Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy, I hope you have a peaceful and uneventful rest of it. Personally I would cut her off for the foreseeable future so you can bond with your baby and live in peace.
NTA
Wow how quickly she has forgot that you can’t eat raw eggs and fish when pregnant, you should turn it on her and ask if she still has baby brain or just early onset dementia?
Sounds like you’ve been more than gracious in dealing with her behavior. When she said the thing about the tuna spread, I would have called it right out “you were just pregnant, so you know that eating raw egg, such as what in this spread, isn’t advised, so either you’re stupid or going out of your way to make me look bad for no reason… which is it?” NTA.
NTA….stay safe and protect your baby…step sister is nuts and obviously incredibly jealous of you…I’m glad your family are supporting you ❤️ you are doing a great job 😀 👍 😊
NTA, obviously you’re being careful and thoughtful during your pregnancy. Your dad, stepmom and stepsister are all major AHs. Your dad, especially, and stepmom should have reined in this unhinged behavior by your stepsister and did nothing. I wouldn’t forgive or spend any time with the stepsister and she should not be included in family events. She’s not sorry and hasn’t given you a genuine, or any, apology or indicated any change in her behavior, so you have no basis for forgiving her.
NTA. No you sound pretty comfortable. I guess I was a terrible mother, I’m pretty sure I still have mayonnaise when I was pregnant. My mom makes this great macaroni and potato salad and believe me it has mayonnaise in it and we eat a lot of that salad. But kids are fine nothing weird happened. I knew not to eat sushi I knew that I didn’t. But yeah she’s jealous of you and she’s going to go after every little thing so I really wouldn’t worry about it.
Dana is an… ugly, ugly person. obviously NTA
Your sister is behaving like most of the redditors here nowadays… Entitled and stupid…
NTA
It probably sucks to be Dana but, NTA. Nobody needs that crap while pregnant. Congrats on the new addition.
NTA. Take care of yourself and the baby. Love your family for kicking her out and banning her from future gatherings I just hope she is banned forever
NTA- you’re just doing what’s best for you and protecting your baby normal human behaviour.
NTA- Stepsis is jealous, but it is not on you or your family to cater to that unnecessary jealousy.
NTA. You’re doing what is right for you and baby. Even your doctor said you’re both healthy. Your step sister seems to have lost her damn mind. Maybe she’s jealous you’re having a boy? Who knows
UpdateMe
How nice you don’t have to see her whilst waiting to have baby. She did this to herself. Congrats!
UpdateMe!
NTA Ain’t nobody got time for that lol. You’re carrying a baby. Don’t ever leave her alone with your baby.
Oh no. You leave it and you stay away from her and never allow her around your child. That behavior is very concerning and I would not trust her. Block her from everything and stay away.
She’s just a jealous hag. Do not attend functions she’s at. Keep your child away from her as well.
Obvious NTA because she is being rude and a bit nuts. As someone who was very particular with food during pregnancy, your approach is very black and white and overly restrictive. For some that is the only option because they don’t understand moderation, but it is overly restrictive. Example – Small amounts of tuna is just fine, you just don’t want large amounts frequently because of the heavy metal potential.
But that being said, there is something dysfunctional in your family related to blending with your step mother and step sister. I understand marriage did not make her your dad’s bi9logical daughter, but they married when she was a child. She became his step child and the fact that his family treats her so differently is wrong and I’m sure messed her up. Put yourself in her shoes. You have a lovely pregnancy with people being kind and generous, then your step sister get pregnant and the volume of this kindness gets cranked up to 1000. Now your lovely pregnancy seems like the consolation prize for you, the less important daughter. Even though you are not entitled to more, would that not hurt your feelings?
She should not have been voted off the island without attempting to get to the bottom of her issues. The fact that you immediately go to if you keep it up I can have you excluded too reeks of toxic family dynamic that you take advantage of.
I am assuming you are not in the US because EVERYONE knows pregnant women CAN NOT consume raw fish, eggs, or deli meat (among other things)
NTA
NTA, the bottom line is she is stressing you and baby. Make one family chat that you cannot have extra stress during your pregnancy. That you will no longer be around step sister or her mother. Anyone who wants to add to your stress will be blocked.
NTA – everyone carries their pregnancy different, and there are old-wives-tales saying that when carrying a boy most of the weight gain is in the belly, while when carrying a girl you’re more likely to carry your weight all over (don’t quote me on this, it’s just an old anecdote).
Your stepsister is jealous of the attention you are getting and projecting it towards your health. It is understandable that your paternal family is more excited for your pregnancy since they’ve made it clear that Dana isn’t considered your father’s child.
NTA. It sounds like Dana is projecting her issues on to you. She could also be worried that once your baby arrives she will lose all of the attention your family is giving her. What she doesn’t get is that by questioning your mental health she’s self-sabotaging and engaging in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wow, NTA. She seems the type that even if you tried to educate her on “toxoplasmosis”, she’d still make comments.
Btw, never heard of toxoplasmosis, I had to look it up. I knew about cat feces (i had 2 cats) but not about undercooked meat. I learn something new every day.
NTA
It’s unfortunate that your step sister has not been fully accepted by your family, but that doesn’t give her the right to crap on, harp on, or be so openly judgemental about how your pregnancy is going.
Yup may not be able to get her to stop, but you can control how you engage. Anyone who tries so hard to convince people someone else is unstable, reveals that they are the unstable ones.
Note – You had no obligation to eat the tuna salad, but if it was commercially prepared mayo, it doesn’t have a raw egg risk. You still don’t have to eat it and she rude for policing your eating.
Nope nta at all, stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
I like the way your family stood up for you and kicked her on the spot, that they are not divided or ask you to keep the peace or bullcrap like that.
Something tells me step sis might be tipping the scale a little far to the right
What’s up with the first paragraph? It doesn’t have anything to do with your issue.
Did she, perhaps, gain a lot of weight in her pregnancy? To me it sounds like she’s jealous because you aren’t experiencing the weight gain she did.
NTA
I’m guessing she may be one of the women who saw pregnancy as an excuse to over eat and gained a lot of weight that had nothing to do with pregnancy? That would explain her fixation. If she can get people to think you are the one with food issues, then no one will notice hers?
Because she clearly does not remember, or understand, the diet no-no’s while preggers.
These are common, well known diet guidelines. My first pregnancy, 32 years ago, even then, these were considered well known.
If I’m close, then I suspect that she has not lost any of the weight she put on. This level of a reaction trends towards her actually having put on more weight since the birth.
You were supposed to balloon up to a similar weight to make her feel “normal”.
That you are being careful with both your body and the baby’s, probably has you absolutely glowing.
This is just highlighting how she is the one with real food issues.
I could be completely wrong though. This is just speculating, using what I’ve seen through my own friends and experiences.
Congratulations on the new Squish! And having a family that actually supports you!
*Edit to add;
To be clear, I’m talking about normal pregnancy weight gain, vs becoming a food vacuum the moment you hear you are pregnant. Using pregnancy to binge eat for 40 weeks.
NTA I’d block her and her mother and enjoy your growing family in peace
NTA – I’d tell her she’s the biggest stressor in your pregnancy, so given she’s so concerned about the baby’s development she can surely understand why she needs to stay tf away. Doctors orders.
Tell stepmum that Dana can rejoin family gatherings, but only if she’s wearing a ballgag. Says it’s a pregnancy hormones thing. lol
NTA. And congratulations!
You are both AH.
NTA. I am a bit chubby. I gained 5/6kg during my pregnancy and baby girl came out at 3,8kg, big and healthy. Not everyone gains a ton of weight. She’s just jealous 🤷♀️
Updateme