My step son (6.5m) had a friend (8m) over for a sleepover last night. His friend lives 2 hours away so they don’t see each other often. My step son was so excited and they had a great time last night.
I noticed a few hours after both of the boys left (step son went back to his mom’s house today) that I hadn’t seen my cat in a while. I looked in his usual hiding spots and couldn’t find him. He usually hides when my step son is around because he doesn’t like to be around noise and chaos LOL… so I thought maybe he was in a weird hiding spot and would come out soon.
6 hours after noticing he was missing, I start to feel worried. Normally he would’ve been at his bowl for food by now. I shook treats and normally he comes running. Now I was worried he got out. We looked outside and put out some blankets and some of our dirty clothes. I am absolutely distraught. I just stopped crying after being an absolute mess for 2 hours.
My boyfriend FaceTimed his son and asked him if he happened to let the cat out. He told him that if it was an accident it was okay, and that he just needed to tell us the truth. At first my step son said no, he didn’t see him get out or let him out… but after we asked again a few more times he changed his answer to “I’m sorry dad it was an accident”. My boyfriend asked him to please be honest and tell the full truth. My step sons answer changed again to “it was “friend”’s idea.” and when we asked when the cat went outside he said “I don’t know”. He definitely admitted to something here but he is not telling the truth about something. My whole heart hopes he is lying and that they didn’t let the cat out, on purpose or by accident… I just hope my baby angel boy comes back home.
Now here is where we need advice… we truly don’t know what to do here in regard to discipline. He normally behaves very very well, and he only needs to go on a timeout once in a while. Something like this hasn’t happened before. We are very angry, frustrated and disappointed right now, and mostly because he is not telling us the truth. We just want to know what happened. He knows better. He knows that our kitty is an inside kitty and must stay inside.
What would you do?? What is an appropriate punishment here? We are truly lost because like I said, we’ve really only had to give time outs for minor things. I do know we need to sit down and have a talk with him for sure… but we don’t know what to do other than that. This is serious to my boyfriend and I and we have never been so disappointed and frustrated.
Please if anyone has advice on what we should do and how we should handle this with him, we would love to have your input. Thanks so much in advance to anyone who has advice to offer
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Sorry that he and his friend did that. Ik the emotions that could be raging from something so uncertain. I’m no help at suggesting the punishment unfortunately. But I can say I had a cat for 7 years growing up that got out sometimes. They know where home is. It would take sometimes up to 3 days but Kitty always came back home.
Really all you can do is explain why it was wrong, he is 6, they don’t make the best decisions and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the older kids influence.
Serious question, why was a 6 year out of sight long enough to do this?
Is your cat home?
At some point you need to talk with the other parent re what happened.
Lying and not knowing when it happened and also blaming friend make sit very hard for you to know what happened.
Since the cat hides from him maybe the friend thought getting rid of the cat was a good idea because they felt some animosity to it.
If it comes back injured someone is responsible.
Sitting down and talking about it might bring out the reasons the cat hides and also lack of understanding of value of pets. he will have to admit what happened thru time.
Please do no make him take car of the cat to punish him, rather help him learn to talk to you when something happens
I definitely wouldn’t honor them with another get together at my home while this remains unresolved.
Take the kid with you when you check with local shelters and ask around the neighborhood for your cat. If he is as you describe, the shame and guilt will be punishment enough, and more reformative.
Retributive punishment is going to put him on the defensive and distract him from feeling guilty and ashamed.
You don’t want to “bad kid” him. You want to tell him that you know he’s good, and that’s why you are deeply saddened that he allowed this to happen and didn’t immediately let an adult know when the cat was let out.
More of the story will come out with time.
Hopefully your kitty will be back. indoor cats will come home.
I think the best approach is to have a serious talk with your step son explaining why you have an indoor cat (I assume for safety). Don’t be too harsh on a 6 year old that doesn’t have reasoning skills yet. I wouldn’t ban his friend from your home if you feel the friend is usually well behaved , but certainly have the same talk with the friend.
Do let us know when your kitty gets home.
My father would beat my ass if i did that as a kid. Deservingly so
I hope you find the cat. I’m so sorry about this. As for the punishment- I think right now- you are dealing with a temporarily lost cat (I hope). If the cat returns, I’d ask the boy if he doesn’t like the cat and why? I think you need to at least hear him out. If he and the other child let the cat out intentionally- why? Ask why they did that. It’s going to be a very bad situation if the cat isn’t found. The child is going to feel such guilt and fear of your sadness and anger. Keep in mind he is 6. I’d just make sure that your pet is not able to get out while your stepson is there. Keep the cat in a safe place where they aren’t likely to escape if the kids leave a door open. My grandkids are four and seven. The four year old will leave the door open.
He’s not your step son. You’re not his parent as the gf so really this is on your bf to decide
That being said it’s weird it took until you two badgering him – I’m wondering if he confessed to get you two to stop instead of actually any wrong doing.
Have him help put up missing signs and search. Your BF will probably want to talk to him (alone this is not your place to get involved) about being honest and friend shouldn’t be allowed over for a period of time bc if they actually did this that’s pretty messed up
First of all, I am genuinely so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how devastated you must be. Please keep us updated on if he’s found.
Second, though, I think the most practical punishment in most cases is something related to righting the wrong that was committed. In this case, I would have him out there with you everyday he’s not in school, putting up missing cat posters, going door to door, and calling animal shelters. If you really want it to set in, maybe see if he could be eligible to volunteer at a shelter (accompanied by an adult, of course, considering he’s so young). And what’d I would do either way? Let him see the pain and fear you’re going through right now. He’s 6.5 so I wouldn’t harp on it necessarily, but he should know the emotional ramifications.