I designed a pair of joggers online and had them customized exactly how I wanted the color, the fit, even the tiny embroidered detail near the pocket. I’d never spent that much on clothing before, but it felt like a treat to myself. they turned out perfect. I wore them once and got so many compliments that day
Later, my stepsister saw them and asked if she could borrow them. I said no politely and explained they were kind of special to me. I didn’t think it was a big deal
But the next morning… I found a burn mark on the side of one leg. Like, a literal scorch mark, and the fabric was melted in one spot. When I confronted her, she just shrugged and said something like, “You didn’t want to share, so whatever” I was stunned She hasn’t apologized. My dad told me not to “escalate things” and that she’s just young and “still learning boundaries” She’s 19 I’ve been trying not to make a big deal, but honestly? I’m so mad. That was the first thing I bought for myself in a long time that actually felt personal and mine
Would I be the asshole if I brought it up again or asked her to replace them?
Comments
YWNBTAH, but will it get you anywhere?
She’s not a child. She’s 19. Still learning boundaries is a weak excuse. Your dad is enabling her, asking you not to escalate while ignoring that she literally destroyed something you paid for is unfair. He’s prioritizing peace over accountability.
Wait until you see what she does when she wants to borrow your BF.
Burn her stuff back since it’s not a big deal
And move out as soon as possible
You wouldn’t but that will get you nowhere unless you have some kind of consequence for her actions.
Ask your dad to replace them and that she’s not a child. But lock your room or get a replacement door knob. Don’t help her with anything moving forward
You’re not overreacting at all. Those joggers weren’t just any clothes you designed them yourself, they were one of a kind. The fact that she ruined them after you said no, and then didn’t even apologize? That’s not just about boundaries, that’s straight-up disrespect. She can’t truly replace them, but she should absolutely try to make it right at the very least by apologizing and offering to make up for it somehow
Edit: Also, out of curiosity where did you get them customized from? The way you described the fit and embroidery, they sound amazing
“Don’t escalate things?” She’s 19: go fucking nuclear. Take a few things she really cares about, hide them away from the house, and tell her you either get a full refund from her or you burn them. If she touches anything else of yours, destroy them. NTA
A 19 year old is very aware that they should not be setting clothes on fire? What? NTA and she needs to buy you a new pair. She can keep the burnt ones if she likes them so much
Small claims court. And a pair of handshaped rouges in der face.
Escalation seems like the only answer.. burn the stepsister.
NTA
It is perfectly reasonable for her to replace them. If your dad says she’s too young to be made to replace them, it would mean that he is the one who is responsible for her and must replace them himself.
Is your dad going to pay to replace them?
How old are you? If you’re at least 18, take her to small claims, and get a judgement for the replacement cost. Even if it’s $100, it’s a way to teach her that messing with you has consequences.
Ask your dad, “You don’t think burning my clothes was an escalation? You don’t think 19 is old enough for an adult to understand not to destroy other people’s things?”
If you’re not 18, move out as soon as possible. Keep anything valuable somewhere other than your dad’s home.
Edited to add NTA, however, stop bringing it up and ASKING her to repay you. She’ll love that it bothers you, and you have no power to do anything about it. So either take her to small claims, or move all your valued possession somewhere else, with people you can trust.
NTA tell your dad either he replaces them or she does since you spent your own money on them and if not then you will take her to small claims court, she’s nineteen not a child and even the court/law will agree to that.
Nta. What a spoiled bitch. Your dad’s an AH too.Put a lock on your door. Be cold. NC.
I know 12 year olds who know more about boundaries than her!
If you wouldn’t catch a charge, I’d suggest shaving her hair in her sleep. But I’m petty!
But since your dad is all up for excuses, I think it should be down to him to reimburse you if he doesn’t want a big deal made. Have you spoken to your step parent?
I’d tell Dad “either you hold her to account and she/you pay me back or I’m calling the police. She is a legal adult. If she does this to someone else, do you really expect they won’t call the cops or worse? You’re not helping you are enabling. She needs to learn this lesson for her own well being.”
This is like… sociopath behaviour? Everyone seems surprisingly chill about this.
Nope. Personally, I’d do the same to her. When something she loves is ruined, maybe she’ll think twice. With people like this, the high road is never the winning option because they view it as permission. Your dad can buy you a replacement if he doesn’t want things escalated. What they all want you to do is bear the burden for her shitty behavior alone. No. She can bear the burden for her shitty behavior, or if your dad doesn’t want her to, he can. You’re the victim here. You don’t have to bear the consequences of her assholery. I’d find something special to her, set it on fire, and when everyone turns on you, just tell them that you’ll do the same again if she touches your things, and next time you’ll call the police too.
Actions have consequences. It is just to have her make reparations and will actually be healthier for her and anyone who has to be around her. Print out the receipt and have her replace them. Consider giving her the damaged pair.
sounds like a soci*pa*h. At 19 this is who she is. You need to plan a life away from her.
>My dad told me not to “escalate things” and that she’s just young and “still learning boundaries”
The correct thing to do when you have a rowdy child who doesn’t know any better than to destroy other peoples things is to pay for the damage in their stead and adequately reprimand the child so that they know better for next time. Tell your dad to step up his parenting game because his 19 year old is acting like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum.
NTA
info: how old are you? do you guys live with your parents?
19 years is old enough to know about the boundary of not burning other people’s stuff. You wouldn’t be an asshole to bring it up again, but do you really think she’s going to replace them after burning them?
you’re going to need to be more drastic in your approach if you want something to repaid.
NTA. Take the money to replace them from your dad or sister. If they get mad tell him you’re still learning boundaries.
She’s 19. She’s old enough to be trusted with a motor vehicle, so she’s old enough to be held accountable for her terrible behavior. The next time you bring it up, remind her and your father of that fact. NTA.
This is just weird ass shit. Crazy behavior if you ask me. OP, be careful around that girl.
Obviously she should replace them but I have a feeling nothing like that will happen. Ask dad to replace them if he doesn’t want things to escalate. Doubtful he will replace either.
She’s 19, not 9. She’s old enough to face the consequences of her actions.
Busty stepsister gets punished by stepbrother
Your dad is wrong she is not learning he is excusing her behaviour she should already know at 19 that her behaviour was wrong. Yes she absolutely should be paying to replace them. Why is your dad sticking up for her? She needs consequences to her actions and if he won’t help you get someone who will help you make this right!
Tell your dad he needs to solve it with her, or you’ll get creative solving it yourself. Then hold up a pair of scissors.
Ask dad if he plans to reimburse you for what you lost since he doesn’t want to expect anything better from her.
When he says no ask him if you are really supposed to respect someone, him, who thinks it is fine for you to be walked all over and mistreated in your own home. Thanks dad for being someone I can count on.
Call the cops and press charges or start burning her stuff.
Nta
TIme to return the favor with her favorite things.
NTA tell dad either she or he needs to replace it or you will give her clothing the same treatment
Present the invoice to your father, so that “you do not escalate things by going to small claims court”.
If he refuses, go to court. She is 19, not a kid.
NTA, OP, except to yourself if you drop the topic.
19 is not a child, she should replace them. Who in their right mind burns something because they were told no, you can’t wear them. She is an AH and your dad is right there with her, if she won’t pay then he should since he feels it was ok, because she is so young. Making excuses for her won’t do her any good, life has consequences and she has to learn that you don’t pull that crap.
Wrong sub for your drama.
She needs to have consequences 2x worse than what she did. What a fucking asshole she is. NTA
19 acting like she’s 9. She needs to get her ass kicked.
Ummmn…get text messages about how much you spent and you want to be repaid. Then go to small claims court and be the only adult to teach her accountability. Your parents are useless and lazy.
Options
(1) watch her and figure out her most used, favorite “thing”. Then, burn it the exact way she did yours, not more or less, the same amount of damage. Then when she inevitably turns on the theatrics and brings in her mom and your dad and dives into “extreme victim mode”, look at your dad while they’re “scolding” you and say that you’re only “_” years old and you’re trying to figure out your stepsister’s boundaries to better “bond” with her. Tell them that since she done what she done to your pants, that you thought that she would appreciate you trying to get to know her as she did with you. Turn on your “poor me” vibes and manipulate them as they done to you.
(2) Begin to distance yourself from them to the point where they have no choice but to notice and acknowledge the distance. Then, once it is at that point, explain in detail WHY they left no other choice BUT to put space between y’all for your own sanity and peace. Explain the damage that your dad done to you and the damage your sister happily caused you.
(3) Be the mature one of your whole family. It’ll be stressful and scary, but the best option in my opinion. Gather the family in a safe location. Sit everyone down and start out speaking g about why you thought you had to begin a conversation this way. Explain the entire situation and how every detail made you feel and how it affected you. Make them take a walk in your shoes and then have a family discussion on why this happened, why the dads/sister’s reaction was the way it was, and find a solution that best works for everyone. Keep a calm, clear head and don’t attack or yell. You want them all to digest and listen to you and your feelings. See why the sister done what she did. Who knows, this could even iron out some unsaid wrinkles between everyone! 🤷🏼♀️
Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you!
“Dad, if you don’t want me to escalate things then you pay for them. Otherwise I’m getting payment out of her for the thing of mine she destroyed one way or another.”
File a police report for damage
NTA. Dad is just choosing his phallus over doing what’s right, therefore he’s a phallus himself. He’s not going to be any help, so whatever means of justice you get, it’s going to be from your own hands.
NTA. Tell sister and dad that either they replace them or you will file a police report.
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I’m petty enough to fuck up something special to her. Turnabout being fair play and all.
Move out. NTA.
Nta if your dad doesn’t want to escalate it then he needs to replace them. If he won’t I’d ask her mom to since she’s apparently still a child /s.
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At her ADULT age, you could literally take her to small claims court and force her to pay damages for the cost to replace them. You’d probably need a text conversation where she admitted doing it as evidence, though. But you’d definitely be NTA for expecting her to replace them.
No you need to be mad she needs to pay to get a new pair.
Small claims court. Now.
NTA at all. Where is stepsister’s bio parent? And why is your father siding with his step, and not bio, daughter?
Sit them down together, don’t even bother with stepsister, and tell them if you don’t get the FULL amount, in cash cause I wouldn’t trust them to not cancel payment, by the end of the day, you are filing a petty larceny complaint, and whatever else you can, against her. Then you are filing a claim in small claims court, which will include replacement costs as well as court and other fees. Warn them if she so much as set foot in your room let alone touches anything, you are filing a complaint immediately. These will look lovely if she is going to college or the background check when applying for a job.
Record the entire conversation so you have proof they know and are enabling this. Judges HATE when parents do this.
Let them all FAFO.
DO IT BACK. Wait a month and do it to her. Start doing it periodically, and get a lock for your door.
Updateme
“Dad, if we’re meant to be one happy family, why are you favouring one if us over the other. Isn’t 19 old enough to face consequences? It is in law.”
Say something along these lines to your Dad. See what he says.
Alternatively, is your stepmother a fair parent, or is she blind to her child’s bad behaviour? If you think she can be fair, bring it up to her.
Is Judge Judy still taking cases? Seriously your situation is perfect for her show. Otherwise, take her to regular small case court.
Escalate, escalate, escalate!