Let me (26F) preface this by saying that my parents raised me in an environment where they promoted acceptance and inclusivity of all kinds. Growing up, I was always pro immigration. Had and still have friends who were people of color. I even dedicated a large portion of my career to help first generation university students, international students, and students of underrepresented backgrounds from all over the world. It’s rewarding. I myself was an international student, and still struggled, although I grew up more privileged than 99% of the international students I’ve known.
It has all backfired in the last 3-4 months, and I am worried about some of the thoughts that I’ve been having.
I began a new job some months ago, lecturing at a university preparation program in Europe. The students are essentially students from countries where they did not get an equivalent high school diploma and have to do this preparation program to qualify for bachelor programs. They are mainly from India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal, Egypt, Algeria, and Nigeria. 90% of them are guys, and the ages are usually between 17 and 22, so most of them are legal adults.
Since I began, there have been so many behavioral issues. I’ve worked previously as a substitute teacher in a European “troubled” middle school, a TA in the US for quite a few years, and as a lecturer in some private universities and professional development programs around Germany and Netherlands. This includes a similar prep program that I taught in for one intake, which lasted around 10 months. It has never EVER been this bad. Not even half as bad.
I have not been able to finish a single sentence of lecture since I began. I get talked over by a lot of the students. They will not shut up. I’ve tried raising my voice, yelling, silently staring at them, sitting down and not doing anything, removing them from the class, telling them that I won’t teach until they are quiet. Nothing, literally nothing works.
Some of the students have also called me names, commenting on my dressing, body weight, tattoos, hair, you name it. They’ve also called me “broke” for my job (which is far from true, but still completely unacceptable).
They cheat on their attendance, and lie about everything. When I’ve confronted them in the past, I was physically intimidated by them and pushed into a corner, and screamed at. The university intervened – sort of. They scolded me as well, and offered “training workshops to learn about cultural differences”. The cultural differences apparently being that in their culture it’s appropriate to put their hands on a woman. Ef that, I want no part of it.
They’re messy. They drop trash on the floor and ask me to pick it up like I’m their servant. Some of them have terrible hygiene, as if they’re 5-year-olds. They think everything is up for grabs, and have stolen my personal property before, but the university asked me not to tell anyone and replaced my belongings, because they were worried about their reputation.
Being treated like this hurts. I am not respected. I am not taken seriously. People tell me everyday I’m a bad teacher, and in my previous jobs, I’ve had great teaching reviews. Just not with this one. I don’t know.
The treatment is so poor I am starting to have really really nasty thoughts about these people. I am hesitant to sit next to people like these in public transportation, and generally avoid them because I worry that they will yell at me, touch me, or just be mean. I’ve looked at my student groups for the next semester, and catch myself hoping for European or East Asian students instead. I have caught myself thinking that an Uber driver of a certain demographic is bad at their job and behaves in a nasty way just because he is of this background, not just because he maybe had a crappy day. I am starting to also lack sympathy for international students, which was what I wanted to dedicate my career for. I catch myself hoping for a load of these students to be deported.
This is not me. Whatever these thoughts are, it’s not me. I have no idea what to do, and need help before these attitudes bleed into my professional life. Please tell me what to do.
Comments
Do you want me to record a msg doing a Nigerian accent you can play on a speaker to get everyone to shut up and pay attention
Move to a different position.
The assault and lack of support from the university is a line crossed for me.
When you’re not dealing with these problem students then you can deal with disentangling racism from upbringing from socioeconomic history. But right now you are in panic mode.
Get yourself someplace safe where you have the support of the school.
I don’t think you’re racist, and its sad that this is happening at your school. There is a reason why some gas stations in certain areas have bullet proof glass and others don’t. Also, I don’t think reddit is the best place to post this if you want unbiased opinions.
Your thoughts aren’t racist, if i were you i would look for a job in a different area. Its a culture thing 100%.
It’s a culture thing, lack of respect for women. You need to lay down your authority and make it clear you’re ready to clap heads. I don’t mind recording that msg for you
In this particular case, I would say is more a classiest thing than a racist one.
If said kids were from well off parents, you probably wouldn’t have this thoughts (because they probably won’t behave this way, tbh)
As a woman in a place of some, if limited, authority (or what should be) you will never be respected, period.
If you are raised from birth to think of women as either mommy, wife, or prostitute, and have never faced repercussions from anyone in your native culture for it, you will treat those outside of it accordingly.
If you try to change them or ask for respect, as far as they and the bureaucracy are considered, you’re the one disrespecting them, not the other way around.
In the US (and obviously this does not erease all of Americas centuries of bs) we have historically encouraged immigrant peoples to conform to our laws and standards. Europe does not do this.
They stay in their enclaves and do not learn to join their new countries society, but are forever guests who think the society they now live in should be like the one they left behind.
Break it up to them that you’re not messing around, and if they really want a life in Europe and know it’s culture and integrate in the society.
First thing they have to do is shut up when you say so and pay attention, their future is fated by little actions, starting from education. If they can’t educate themselves and are oblivious to the culture and ways of the place they live in atm.. well good luck to them!
They are all invited to fail in their exams.
All your concerns are valid and yeah it sucks, but just try to teach to the ones that you see that actually care, bring them to the front so they can hear better, for example..
This is not a sustainable or healthy environment for anyone, let alone someone dedicated to inclusivity. You are being physically intimidated, verbally abused, disrespected, and effectively told it’s your fault because of “cultural differences” (which is a BS excuse for misogyny and harassment). The university’s response is deplorable and indicates a toxic, unsafe workplace that values its reputation over your safety and well-being.
Your priority needs to be removing yourself from this toxic situation before it completely breaks you down. Look for other jobs, dust off your resume, and get out. Once you’re out of this constant, daily assault, those “nasty thoughts” will likely subside because the constant threat triggering them will be gone. You need to protect your mental health and reaffirm your personal safety. This isn’t about you being a bad person; it’s about you being in a bad situation. I wish you peace.
No one makes you do anything. You are making a choice to let bigotry enter your mind. The issue is, the students do not respect you and they can tell that it’s affecting you. Ultimately, you can either train your brain to remove these thoughts and look at each individual as separate entities and not a monolith that represents an entire race. You’ll also need to try a different approach to garner their respect. Whatever it is you’re doing or have done may not be working.
Lots of people fall down that pipeline due to experience. I think it’s why we should have some understanding of why someone has racist thoughts. Rather than make them an automatic villain. See it as a problem we are trying to find a solution for.
The fact that you acknowledge you might be racist points you might not be as racist as you might think…
A true racist rarely doubts it.
Yet, not all cultures are the same, especially when it comes to how women are viewed and treated.
Realising that is not racist either.
On top on that, 17-22 is an obnoxious age group…
I am sorry you are going through this. Must be exhausting and demotivating.
It’s not race, it’s sexist culture. They’ve been taught that they’re little fucking princes and women should serve them. I would save yourself the frustration and leave.
Why are they even there? I’d quit if I was you. Ef that
Having studied in a school where little to no respect was given to teachers, irrespective of gender or even race sometimes, it was kinda funny as a highschool kid to see this ‘stick it to the man’ attitude. But even back then I knew the teachers went through hell. And that’s when I knew for a fact that I would never want to teach.
What scared people into submission ultimately was failing. The cultural difference, at least in the Indian and African cultures is that education is not at all taken for granted in the family. Kids are terrified of going home with poor grades because their parents have worked so hard to put them through a good school (public schools here are horrible, you’re essentially forced to pay for private to get a good education. Even more so if you want to pursue a career in the west) and that money doesn’t come easy. The threat of disappointing their folks put them in line real quick, especially in exam season because the teacher really has all the power there.
But for adults, that threat kind of dulls as people grow up and fear their parent less and less. Especially in this situation, they have to be self driven to pursue a post-high school course and later degree. Factor in the possibility that they left their parents in their home country and can behave however they want unsupervised, as long as it’s within the law, they probably won’t give a shit what havoc they wreck. You don’t seem equipped to handle this. In a number of places outside the west, kids grow up with a tough hand, either from home or school, or both. They might have been brought up the same and are now taking full advantage of their new found freedom. You need to drop this class. There’s no shame in admitting defeat. They’ll make their way in the world with or without you, but hopefully not at your expense.
I agree that these kids are showing you their culture. I disagree that you should do something to regain control of the class. You can’t. You are a teacher so find a different class or school. I know people from the Middle East who emigrated young and are raising their own children, and they are being taught the same things about how to behave as they learned as a child. I taught one woman who was third generation in the United States, and she was a homeless teen because she wouldn’t kill a goat for a traditional ceremony. She hasn’t seen any of her family in 30 years.
Is it helpful to consider the RESPECT issue (which is huge) as part of the educational process? In your mind, when you think of it, think of it as lack of cultural education, and cultural education is part of the overall education process. Maybe even deal with it directly within the program?
They are probably also performing for each other.
To the girls act like this?
There was a discussion on TikTok not too long ago about POC girls vs boys and how they thrive differently in the world because they are conditioned so differently at home.
You’re learning that some cultures are better than other cultures.
Have you considered that you’re attributing the bad behavior to the wrong source?
Poverty is a bigger source of misbehavior
Bad parenting is the true source of bad behaviors
Neither of these have anything to do with races, but they do play out among minority and immigrant groups more than establish wealthier middle class groups.
Why tf are these ADULT students ALLOWED to stay in the class if they are acting like this???
What the actual fuck are these bad apples (the ones acting like dicks) doing???
Now it is spoiling the whole bunch for you.