(throw away account)
I don’t even know how to begin this without sounding like a cliché, fake or something, but here it goes. This isn’t some wild fantasy or twisted drama. this is really happening, and I’m still trying to process it.
I started being a sugar baby last year. I was drowning in tuition debt, student bills, living costs, and just… life. A friend (who’d been doing this longer than I had) introduced me to a reputable agency. One that actually has policies in place for safety and professionalism, like supervised first dates and 6-month contract renewals. It felt weird and scary at first, but I was desperate, and compared to some of the horror stories I’d heard, this one felt safe. Professional.
It only took about a month and a half before someone chose me. Let’s just call him Greg. He’s 71. And yes, I know how that sounds. But bear with me.
Our first date was under management supervision like the agency required. We went out to a quiet high end restaurant. He was tall….like, 6’1 towering over me (I’m only 4’11. Asian did me dirty with my height lol). Silver hair, very well put together, and honestly in better shape than most guys my age. I found myself laughing and smiling way more than I thought I would. He was a total gentleman. He didn’t try to impress me with money or flashy things. He asked questions about me. He listened.
He told me upfront he had been with a few sugar babies before, but never renewed their contracts because he found them… obnoxious, his word. But he picked me because he saw my traits in my profile. I’m submissive, quiet, respectful. Not in a doormat way. Just… softspoken, I guess?
He also admitted he gets lonely. His kids and grandkids are busy with their own lives, and while he doesn’t resent them for it, he said the silence in his big house can be deafening sometimes. He wanted company. Intimacy. Affection.
It felt strange at first, but he was never pushy. He told me to be myself. To tell him if anything made me uncomfortable. He covered my school bills, tuition, helped me with my living expenses. After a while, he asked me to move in, saying it’d be easier and safer than living in a dorm or struggling to pay rent. (Yes, this is allowed under the agency policy as long as the agency is informed)
He even assigned a driver to take me to and from university so I wouldn’t stress about transportation. Over time, I got used to the arrangement. The closeness. The consistency.
Yes, we’ve been intimate. But even then, he’s always been gentle and respectful. He always asked first. Always made sure I was okay. And if I said no? He’d just kiss my forehead or cheek, hold me, and say “okay, sweet girl.” He never pressured me. Never made me feel like I owed him something. We’d cuddle, he really like to hold me on his lap while we watched old movies or while he worked in his home office. He liked being close. I didn’t mind it. I… liked it, actually.
Last night, after we were done being intimate and had cleaned up, we were lying there, cuddling like always. Then out of nowhere, he said it:
“I love you”
He’s said it before, but always in the moment, while we’re doing it. I never took it seriously. I figured it was just… “heat of the moment” stuff. But this time, it was different. He said it quietly. Clearly. While looking me right in the eye.
Then he asked me to marry him.
Not in a grand way. No ring. No speech. Just… softly. Like he’d been thinking about it for a while. He told me he knows it’s a big ask. That he doesn’t want me to rush. That he loves me. not as a sugar baby, but as a woman. That our connection feels real to him.
I didn’t say anything. I just curled into his chest and we eventually fell asleep.
It’s morning now. I’m typing this in his guest room, while he’s downstairs making coffee like nothing happened. I feel… conflicted.
I like him. Maybe even more than I want to admit. But I’ve always thought of him as a “job.” As someone I’m supposed to stay professional with. And now, everything feels blurry. I don’t know what to feel. Also it’s a lot to ask. It’s marriage for godsake😭
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Because my heart is all over the place right now, and I don’t know who to talk to.
……
Update (idk if this how you update but I guess here it goes.)
You guys are lowkey very mean in the comments🥹 but I should’ve expected that since it’s the internet and it’s reddit…
First Let me address some questions, concern etc
-how about the kids, the grandkids reaction or if I’m alright having a messy relationship with them?
-prenup?
-am I getting some money if I married him?
-how far until I finish my college?
-how long have I know him for?
I just recall and type all this thing, 1st thing when I woke up in the morning. I haven’t thought of any of that all night because I fell asleep immediately so I haven’t had much time self reflect. I only felt conflicted at the moment. I was torn if I should say yes because part of me do care about him. That’s it. Not because of I’ll be filthy rich if I marry Greg. I was thinking about the love and affection not the money and the crazy stuff it’ll be with his family and his money, even though I understand why you guys would immediately go to those thoughts. I also know that I should stay professional. And work is work. I was very transparent in the replies that I’m not planning to marry him and that’s my final decision. I’m not gonna marry him. I’m only in my 1st year of college and we 1st met when I was 19 and he’s 70. I’m now turning 22 this July.
We finally talked about it this during lunch. I’m the one that brought it up.
He always look at me in this loving soft way but his expression got serious when I mentioned about what he said last night… I told him that I’m still young, I don’t want to get married yet, that I do care for him and like him but not to the point that I can call it love. And my heart and focus belongs to my studies. He give me a sigh before hugging me gently. He said he understand and ask if I’m comfortable to continue with our arrangement. I said I have no problem with it if he won’t treat me differenly. He nods and said he’s very proud of me that I speak my mind out, that I clear things up before it snowballed and he apologize if that big question made me uncomfortable (istg this man is the most caring man I’ve ever met😭). He still want to keep me and want to renew my contract with him even when I rejected him because he said he genuinely enjoys my company… I’m very happy on how this turned out.
Thank you for all of those who are nice and giving advice in the comments and inbox. I really appreciate you🥹
(Not replying to any more comments, most of you harass me in the inbox, have good day everyone)
Comments
I have no advice but marrying someone 51 years older than you just sounds insane. Be safe.
Wouldn’t advise.
He has financial control over you right now. If you marry him, he won’t have that same kind of control over you anymore, and will likely try to regain it in a different form.
There’s a reason he likes paid relationships. Control.
Do it. He’s not surviving that long and you will be getting all that cash.
Girl he only likes you for youre youth in the first place. I mean you do you but I wouldn’t recommend.
If he actually would’ve been such a great tall good looking 70 year old he could’ve gotten a girlfriend without paying for it. There is probably something he’s hiding. Hes probably just a dirty pervert. Would you waste you’re Youth marrying a old men you dont actually love ? And that just most likely leaves you for a newer model if he finds one?
I don’t really have any advice. It’s good that you enjoy it and him, I guess, I guess it just depends on what you want for the future. Why does he want to marry you? What does he want in these last years? How would it differ than life right now? I guess it really just depends on what you want for your future. You’d be set financially for life, but you’d have to deal with his kids and grandkids. And what if you want kids? You’d either have to divorce him or have kids after he died… I don’t know. This is hard, and I don’t envy the position you are in. I feel bad for him in a way, he just wants someone to love and be there for him. But he also uses his money to get that, as opposed to a real love connection. But he knows that it is what it is, so? I don’t know. Good luck with whatever you decide.
You don’t commit your whole life with a job, you can like your boss and sleep with your boss to get promotion, but you don’t need to get married with him.
Tell him no, but in a gentle way and said you would still like to keep him company everything same as before, if he is ok with this boundary.
Gross. Everything about this is gross.
This is so dumb. He’s 71! Get a grip!
I think may be important to find out about his relationships from before, outside of once he pays for, prior to agreeing to this.
I genuinely think you need to have far more questions about who a man willing to date someone likely his grand children’s age says about him as an individual.
You’re very very young and has so much ahead of you, and does that include spending your mid 20s caring for an ailing husband? Would the pportunity for you to go into the world and learn about yourself, which seemingly is what you were trying to set yourself up to do, be worth losing?
As you said, this is your job. You’re not responsible for his feelings, nor is it incumbent on you to shift to appease him.
I also wonder if he would be open to this sort of relationship for his own grandchildren. If he would be so open to his granddaughter, sleeping with a married someone his age.
Ummm…. Widow money?
Seriously though, be careful. He might be ok or he switch it up once he has the papers on you.
I think he’s confused. He pays you for the intimacy and bc you are a good person and he’s not a dick you enjoy your time with him.
Can you see yourself being with him 24/7?
His kids will flip
71 is old but not that old. You will be giving up your most youthful years for what? A life of luxury with an old man you “like more than you want to admit”. I can understand you might feel bad or guilty because of his feelings, and how well he’s treated you, but I think the best thing for you to do is be honest. “I like you, and I care for you deeply. But I don’t love you, and I can’t accept your proposal. I would (like/not like) to continue our arrangement.” Something like that but nice lol
A job is a job. You just went from temp hire to full employee. Who cares what anyone else thinks. You’re an adult in a legal relationship. Make a choice, but make the choice for you.
Prostitutes really do share some wild stories.
Tell him you appreciate that he thinks of you that way but you want to continue seeing him without marriage on the table for at least a few years, just tell him you feel you’re too young to be married but enjoy his company and like things how they are. If he reacts negatively to such an easy let down then you can go to your agency for support and break ties with him if necessary. I agree with others saying the power balance would tilt way out of your favor and potentially put you at risk. I am a former sugar baby, so I understand. Safety is always #1.
i dunno about marrying a guy who, based on U.S. life expectancy, has 10-15 years left at best
I might have missed it but how long have you known him? I did think it might have been a red flag him moving younout of your dorm for “saftey” sounds kinda controlling. in short term relationships people can hide who they are easier, Then once they are satisfied you aren’t going anywhere then they’ll show you the real them. Keep your eyes out.
My advice would be talk to someone you know personally about this. Someone who will listen and give you an opinion, possibly one you might not want to hear.
Do you love him? Have you ever wanted to get married before this? Does this change or effect what you want for yourself?
What about a prenuptial?
Don’t. You know you’ll be his wife and his nurse very quickly. It’s too big a gap.
This is working because it’s mutually beneficial. People can be as parochial and small minded in the comments as they want. The reality is women have had to make deals like this forever to try and get ahead. It sucks, but it happens and I think you need advice versus judgement, sweetheart.
My suggestion is to lean into your natural personality of ‘soft’. Tell him you care for him but need some time. That you want to Mai rain the balance of the relationship for now, but don’t tell him no. Use that time to get yourself set for financial comfort until you can graduate. You said yourself that you see this as a job. Good! This is a means for both of you. He doesn’t have to deal with the consequences of a ‘real’ relationship where you get to have emotions and baggage and MESS, you get financial security and a means to a debt free graduation by giving him an easy companion. Keep the course, darling. And I hope one day you’re able to help people in a meaningful way that doesn’t involve sexual politics. Fuck him for not just setting up a scholarship fund. 😂😘
He blurred the lines, and of course, that’s unacceptable. You’ve cited you view him as a job, and that’s how it should be treated.
It’s more likely to mess your life up more, and many people will cast harsh judgments on you for frolicking with an old gentleman as it is, but even more so if you entertained marriage. Especially as a Asian woman (some people are seriously racist as shit).
He is getting affection and attention as it is. That’s what he wanted, and he got it. You don’t have to marry him for him to get what he was looking for.
If this makes you super uncomfortable, you may need to discuss canceling the contract with him.
That, or have a serious discussion with him (with someone to supervise) about it being a breech.
Lmao 🤣
Your current relationship is transactional. You both have something the other person needs and that’s why it works so well.
If you agree to marry, it’s likely he will want you to sign a prenup to guarantee his money is protected. You will go from being on equal footing to him having control – because he has the money. He gets to call the shots, what will or won’t happen. I really don’t recommend that.
I hate to make this sound so blunt but I think it’s needed. Marriage is a partnership. Given what your relationship was built upon, I don’t think you would wind up an equal partner in this marriage.
He is 71 and you are doing this for your comfortable life. He might live well over 90 if he is in that good shape as you said. Then you will be 40 and probably regret it wasting your best years for money. But who knows…
He chose you because he sees you as submissive and he’s older and wealthier? There’s a huge imbalance on the relationship… maybe it plays in your favor and you get everything (he is trying to marry a sex worker, so maybe he’s not that bright), but most likely it won’t, and you’ll have lost your best years on a gamble.
Ignoring all the red flags in this, can’t you suggest something like “I want to finish college first before making any big decisions?” Seems like a reasonable ask.
I wouldn’t. He’s been honest and upfront with you, I think you owe him the same courtesy.
He might know and might not care. He might get mad and end the contract, but he really does deserve your honesty as he’s given you his.
If you read these comments full of nonsense with the “get that bag, get in the will” or whatever, just know, with him having a family, the likelihood of you getting anything other than momentos when he does pass away is incredibly slim and families can, will, and do, often fight for every last penny.
I would also caution that if you do take the leap, the chances of his family calling you anything other than a gold digger are going to be slim. I’m sorry that it’s that way, but it is. It’s not going to be an easy ride for either of you if you tie the knot.
Good luck either way, though.
Do not do it! This would be considered not professional, and you may not be able to go back to your agency. This would give this man complete financial control over you. You will definitely regret it later. You would become the wife that stays home, and later down the road, he probably will find another sugar baby to take out and treat well while married to you.
Yuck. The whole post. Him and you. But this is a larp anyway so 5/10
Just for the record, he probably found those other sugar babies “obnoxious” because he proposed to them too and they said “hell no!” He wants someone he can easily manipulate which is why he chooses ’em young. Right now, you are protected by the agency and your contract. If you marry him, you’ll lose all of those protections and with his money, he’ll make your life absolutely miserable if you don’t obey him. Get out of this as soon as you can and for all that is good in the world, do NOT marry this man!
Prostitutes should get yearly STI Check up.
71 and STD would be interesting combination.
OP, what you mention is a person who would have zero trouble finding an actual wife, even a much younger wife, who was a full adult and also whom he did not first hire as a sex worker who came from an explicit position of financial distress.
You are very young, very vulnerable, and clearly very grateful. That’s all understandable, but trust me: you’re being preyed upon. He has ‘tried you out’ and found that you are, in fact, extremely submissive, VERY inexperienced, and essentially happy to let him lead in all ways.
Unless you can get a cast-iron pre-nup which protects you and grants you a good payout in case of divorce, which a guy of his wealth would be unwilling to give to even a woman of a much more comparable status, you are setting yourself up to be totally in his control. And let me stress this: you barely know him, and you state you have some protections. Marry him, and you’re in the power of a stranger who could turn on you at the drop of a hat.
As well…you’re twenty. Do you really want to indenture yourself to an old, creepy man who seeks out vulnerable young women?
I read nothing about things you have in common.
Right now you are his sugar babe which means you are there for him because it’s your job.
Marriage means actually living together and not be at his service when he asks for it.
So the question is, would you be ready to be a submissive wife for the next 10-20 years.
Would he be okay if your relationship changes?
As his wife you should be equal and not submissive anymore.
So I get that you want the lifestyle.
And he could take care of you by buying you a condo/appartement for your future long before he actually dies. So that you don’t have to fight over an inheritance.
But you are in college for a reason.
Don’t you want to pursue a carrier later?
The age gap is not the problem but the power gap.
He is wealthy, probably has connections.
He could build bridges for you but also walls.
I think the red flag is that he has done this before, but the contracts aren’t renewed. This may be because he pushes for marriage.
Stick to your contract and finish your degree!
If you want to sell your youth and beauty for money, this is a good plan.
He’s your boss when you look at it. I’d rather treat it as a job and have my downtime but I mean it’s your life.
I’m gonna give you sound advice for ANY business adventure. “Don’t shit were you sleep.” This is a job first and foremost. You have to ask yourself if going past that is sustainable for you in the long run. Outside financial loss (because let’s face it, they’re going to use your affection against your benefit.) It’s YOU who will live as a social pariah while he will most likely get nothing but praise. It’s ultimately up to you, but I do recommend you put your financial security as a priority should you seek a relationship with him.
This reads like fetish porn lol. A 71 year old in better shape than most 20 year olds? You’re a petite Asian woman who “looks” submissive through your profile?
On the minute chance that this is real, being completely financially dependent on a person who can sweep the rug from under you at any point in time is incredibly short-sighted and imbecilic.
<Bill Belichick has entered the chat…>
Hmmm. I will say if he’s as sweet as you make him sound, why not? We have one life and you are in fact an adult.
I will say though, you are an extremely young adult.
What baggage would you be carrying if you marry him? It’s okay to weigh these. If it’s more pros than cons, sure. But your life will change if you part ways, so be prepared for that.
Honestly you’re probably younger than this guys grandkids.
Girl. Ew
Practice your skills at adult diaper changes and spoon feeding, and get real good at managing a calendar of doctor appointments and transportation. Older men often like submissive young women to spoil for a while, in return you become their live in nurse as they decline.
And I promise you, his kids will fight you to the death over every penny you ever received if you legally marry.
My suggestion is to enjoy being loved for now. Let him know you are not looking for marriage though you are very happy with the current arrangement and wish to keep things as they are. You have a good thing going. Marrying him will make it much more difficult in the future when you meet a real partner and he learns of your previous marriage to an old man for money, most men won’t marry you after that. So enjoy it, have fun, be pampered, but don’t legally marry. Good luck to you!!
Literally only with a prenup that gave me everything. No other reason is worth it.
Throughout the post, you’ve taken pains to point out that everything you did, you did it willingly and he was not one to be pushy. Along the same lines, if you say no, he likely won’t push you. But it’ll be a risk because you’ll have a 50/50 chance of losing this gig. You’re 20, what do you think life is going to be like if you married for love with someone who cannot afford the life you seek? If that’s OK to you, then don’t consider it. But if it’s not, and your motivations remain the same, then why not? Have contracts drawn up, say you get to exit at anytime with x amount and a property in your name before marriage. Stuff that allows you to feel financially secure. Women have been marrying up for as long as history has been recorded, whoever here is being mean or getting all worked up on their moral high horse needs to realise equal marriage is still a fallacy in many many many many ways. Ignore them and seriously consider what this could mean in terms of financial freedom and be honest with yourself. If you cannot live with the “embarrassment” of being married to a 71yo, then you should stop sugaring.
Good luck! Updateme
Be sure to Google “how to be a caregiver”. Because you’re about to have sex with a 71 year old man and then change his diapers in the same day.
All I know is I would not be thrilled if my 20 year old daughter is marrying a 71 year old man.
Does he even pay you a salary ? I’m sure you live with him and you also cook etc so you’ve pretty much cut this money buy not having to pay your rent or go out of his way to specifically meet you. Also I assume the benefit of cooking company etc he’s really milking it off you rather than you off him
Nice creative writing exercise. Let us know when the full novel is published
Stay professional, he’s not putting you into the will if he has money that’ll go to his family, you’re his last “high” before he’s done from this world. You’re a transaction and once you marry him, he no longer has to pay you and expects you to put out.
A man is NOT a plan, and once he has you under his thumb he may well treat you completely differently than he does now.
Read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.
don’t.
This is one of the grossest things I have ever read. I need to take a shower.
Hahahahahahahaahahahhahaahahahahahahah
You should only marry him if you actually love him. If you feel obligated to then no, don’t.
I feel like if the immediate answer in your head isn’t an emphatic “yes”, then the answer is no. And that goes for anyone who asks.
yikes
This story sounds like it was written by a 71 year old.
Imagine being a step-parent to kids 15-20 years older than yourself
Besides the age gap that is clearly an issue here, ask yourself if you would consider marrying him if he wasn’t rich, which is probably no. Your whole “relationship” is based on a transaction and selling your youth just to live in a fancy home with a driver is just not worth it.
No way. He wants the agency out of your life. That’s fucking dangerous, girl.
The way this is written, you seem to be trying quite hard to convince us (and yourself) that this isn’t “weird”. Maybe stop glossing over the icky parts (we both know there are some) and re-evaluate.
He could change after marriage- that could rule the contract void with the agency, and he starts to be abusive because you are trapped. I’d ask him what would be different? Why does he want this? Bc he wants to appear legitimate, or because he wants out of the contract etc?
At a minimum I’d ask for a contract negation of terms, and hire a lawyer your own lawyer. If he responds like that is an unfair ask, then you have your answer.
Your frontal lobe isn’t done cooking yet. You could end up really regretting this and feeling like you spent too much of your time on someone you didn’t want to build a life with. He’s at the end of his life- you’re laying the foundation for yours.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Sister, I’m late 50s, male, please do not. Be kind and say you want to keep things as they are. But he’s shown he’s invested … so you may wish to back off.
If it’s not a confident yes then it’s a no. If there’s any hesitation then it’s a no. You would be giving years of your life you will never get back and time you could be discovering what you want and who you would fall head over heels for, settling for someone you’re conflicted for. Have you talked about the important things like having a child together or not, religion, politics, family, spending philosophies, topics that can make or break a relationship. You need to see someone in the good, bad and ugly first. Maybe tell him you want to get to know him better and be around each other’s families before committing.
Girl where are your parents???
He could find a woman his age or at least 20 years younger if he wanted to.
Is it going to be worth it to waste your youth on this guy? How do you if you’re going to be protected in the future. Are you going to get a prenup?
Absolutely 1000% DO NOT DO THAT. Tell him hes nice and you like spending time etc… but thats a certified and stamped NO
“I like him. Maybe even more than I want to admit. But I’ve always thought of him as a “job.””
Then your answer should be no.
The reality is if he’s a healthy guy despite his age, then he could easily live another 20 years… so if you do get married, then it could well be a significant period of your life that you end up sharing with him.
There is not wrong/right answer here, just the one that TRULY works for you. You obviously like him, and it sounds like he really likes you, so the best thing to do is for you to talk to him about it.
Write out your thoughts if you need to, and if he’s a good man he will listen to you and give you the information you need to make your choice. Things to ask him would be:
It’s very important that you both consider is how his family will react if you two married – there’s a high chance they are hostile to you, would you be able to let that wash off your back and just focus on him?
If you do marry him, make sure that he cements your place in his will very clearly while he is clearly mentally fit – so that his family doesn’t have much grounds for accusing you of manipulating him if he becomes mentally unfit when he gets older.
You’re very young, and he’s very old, so this COULD be a big mistake and he ends up holding a lot of mental/emotional power over you that ends up hurting you a lot. But this COULD be a lovely thing where you give him companionship and love in his twilight years and you get a loving companion and financial security for the next 10 to 20 years or so. Not all marriages are romantic love matches, in fact a lot of successful marriages are basically business arrangements where two people agree on terms and provide each other support and companionship and maybe grow to love each other as friends, but stay grounded on respect and honesty before romantic love.
I would strongly suggest if you two are leaning toward a yes on marriage, that you live together for 6 months or so and see how it goes and then talk about it again. You really only know what someone’s like when you’ve lived with them for a while… and sometimes that can be a whole different person you cannot stand.
Don’t rush a decision, keep talking. Do what’s right for you.
Best wishes.
A big concern to me is that you don’t have a fallback plan if you need to cut ties. I recommend making sure u have enough saved to be able to move out at any moment, otherwise, he could end ties and leave u high and dry. I agree with the other commenter that said to calmly and politely reject marriage bc you need to know someone for longer/wanna be older before that step
Hey so right now you’re under protections through the agency you work for. If you get married, you no longer have those protections. He could be playing the long game. I wouldn’t trust this tbh. He stands to gain far more control and power over you if you marry him, and I honestly think that’s what he wants.
> This isn’t some wild fantasy or twisted drama. this is really happening, and I’m still trying to process it.
yeah, sure /s
This reads as written by AI.
I think the way to go about this is be upfront with him and ask him what his expectation will be in a marriage. I would gather he is entering it with a lot of pragmatism. There is a deal to be had here and the only question really is are you willing to negotiate it. He may very well have some feelings about you but the truth is this is just a prolonged business arrangement.
If you do this make certain you have a lawyer to represent you in negotiating the prenup. Understand if he should pass, while you are his wife, those children of his are more likely than not going to contest any will he makes after your engagement or marriage. My suggestion is you ask for him to place something in a trust for you so that no matter what you have something to draw upon should things get contentious at his death.
Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking a marriage of convenience is a bad idea. Based on the bit you’ve shared he is clearly someone who enjoys providing for someone. With an honest discussion it can be a mutually beneficial relationship that extends far beyond physical.
There is a reason he chose a 20 year old. You don’t look like a woman to him. I’m only 38 and 20 year olds look like teenagers to me. He has chosen paid relationships with women freshly who are barely over 18. That’s not a good thing. If he’s reasonably in shape and wealthy, he could have easily gotten into a relationship with a woman who is properly an adult. He likes the control.
If you’re still unsure, you can ask in your agency how to handle this. If you don’t want to break this off either, or you’re wavering on accepting ask for more time. Turn it into a real relationship. Finish school and start your career, meet his family first
Humanity was a mistake.
Have you met his family? Do you want kids? Does he? How would the future be with him long term, with or without marriage?
It seems like you do not want to marry him, so be honest with him. He sounds nice and that he will take it well, but maybe tell him outside or with the windows open, so others can hear if things get crazy. And let your agency know about the situation before you do.
If any part of you is actually considering it, maybe tell him you want to wait till you have your degree so there’s no chance of him convincing you that you don’t need it anymore now that youre with him. I would also wait at least 2 years of really spending time with him to say yes anyways, peoples full personality do not come out until then. He has lived so much life that you have no clue about. Not saying he’s dangerous but some people are very good at hiding it and subtly grooming people.
If you marry him, make sure it’s for love and not money. I’m sure he will leave you with something but like others say, he probably already has plans for most of it. Also consider that he might get dementia or health issues soon, and could have these ailments for a very long time. You could become his caretaker or need to shovel out money for a nursing home. Also consider being a widow at midlife.
Good luck & stay safe!
What kind of crazy ass escort service? Wild
DO NOT MARRY HIM. Not only is the age gap really problematic, but the power imbalance is heavily skewed in his favor.
Girl, this is a lottt and totally valid to feel all over the place right now. You’ve built something real and safe with him, which is rare, but marriage is a whole different level especially with all the layers between you two. Just because it started as a job doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real, but it’s also okay to step back and give yourself time to figure out what you want without pressure. You don’t owe anyone an answer right now.
Anna Nicole Smith called through the Ouija board, she said fuckin do it. He’ll be dead in a few years.
Sounds like a great way to spend your 20s and 30s…then where will you be?
/s
If you don’t love him, you’ll feel like you’re selling yourself. Long term that could hurt you. But you’ll probably have to pay for it.
Don’t do it. Remember, this is a JOB. You are doing this to further yourself in life. If you marry him, you will be spending your entire 20’s and possibly 30’s under his mercy. He is nice and proper now, but he won’t be once and if you marry him. If he really wanted to marry you because he “loves you”, he will wait years and make sure you can take care of yourself.
You are a vulnerable young woman. Easy to manipulate. Don’t fall for his charms. A switch could flip the moment you become his under law and without the agency’s protection.
in what country do you have sugar baby agencies?
Yeah he doesn’t want to keep paying you. Marry him and you’ll be doing what you were, but now for free. I say that assuming he’s not going to put you in his will
I would tell him you want to try being his girlfriend first, if you feel a deep connection. You might want to discuss that you still have to make a living and pay down debt, and this was your way of doing that. You obviously care about him, but am I correct you’ve been together less than a year? I would suggest moving slow. Have you met his adult kids? So much to unpack.
Added: You might get treated poorly by his family, and viewed as a gold digger, should you agree to marrying him.
My concern is what do you both want. He clearly wants you around. He has a background as a family person and likely feels uncomfortable not showing any signs of love and commitment which marriage is in his view.
From your perspective, I don’t know what are your life goals. Kids, job, etc. this is where the numbers and your desires come into play. If you care about him he deserves to know what you want and you have to be honest with what he can give and if you are aligned.
He could give you money but he’s probably cautious of gold diggers. It’s ok to say you have to think hard about how to reply.
If you want to go to college that’s one thing and you should tell him that but if you want to have a future with someone and build a family than it likely won’t be with him. What if you meet someone who’s like him but your age. These are possibilities and a marriage might be at best a relationship until he passes and you have to think about your future. Does he want to pay for your education or set you up for a career. Is she expecting you to be at home for him 24/7. What if you want to go out with friends. I just don’t see marriage as ideal long term unless he knows he will pass soon and wants you to be taken care of.
I do wonder if he may know he’s running out of time. Again he needs to share his thinking because I can’t imagine a man who has family also hasn’t thought this through.
If you want to do this and he does want to support you for the rest of your life I’d also be tempted but you have to balance wants and needs with what’s practical. However if you have love for this man, I get saying no may seem hard because he might be the first person that you genuinely feel actually has very given a damn about you.
If you have mutual respect and affection for each other, I say go for it. Huge age gap but at least you two know what the deal from the offset was, there was no manipulation involved. You get what you need and so does he. Make sure to negotiate a prenup if anything.
If you enjoy the arrangement as it is, you have to weigh the pros and cons of changing it from both an objective and an emotional standpoint. If you care about him beyond him being a “client” are you prepared for the emotional toll it will take entering into a real romantic relationship where you know for a fact that you will outlive your partner? Are you prepared to watch this man succumb to his age, eventually get sick and die in your 30s or 40s? Does the emotional benefit of having him in your life in this new capacity outweigh that emotional toll? Are you ready for the social stigma associated with marrying a man that is 50+ years older than you, being branded as a golddigger? Are you willing to give up the ability to “quit” immediately and start dating men your own age for potentially the next 20 years?
On the practical side, there is a power imbalance (not always a bad thing though), marriage is a huge commitment, and the whole thing is kinda creepy from my perspective. At most the guy is gonna live another what, 15-20 years Max? Not exactly a lifetime commitment from you, you stand to gain financial stability and support through the next decade or so, and longer if you work something out during the prenup negotiations as I assume there will be one, so you can be assured of some kind of “severance” when he passes away.
My advice is to tell him that you need to give it a lot of thought before answering, and that he should also think very hard about it. Ask what the specifics of a marriage would look like. Ask him why he wants a marriage over what you’re doing now, his reasoning may affect your decision. Maybe he wants to be assured that you’ll be there to comfort him when he passes, maybe he wants a tax break, maybe he wants to screw over his kids in his will, maybe he just wants a big party where you wear a white dress and he gets to show you off, maybe he wants to cut out the middleman of the agency. But only he can answer those questions.
I wish you the sincerest luck, you stand to gain or lose a lot, so I hope it is the former and things work out for you.
I would just say that your focus before you met him was to get your education and not think about marriage until you’re well established in your career. Tell him you don’t want to break the vow you made to yourself and that you’re really happy with how things are with him right now. Tell him you enjoy living with him and truly cherish the time you spend together, and that this is working so well for you because you’re able to prioritize school. Also tell him that you feel you’re too young to get married.
This puts all of it on you and it doesn’t put anything negative on him as a person. He may still decide to end your contract once the 6 months point comes around, but maybe he will keep it as is!
Do not marry him. Yes, you may end up rich, but also – maybe not. Look at Anna Nicole Smith. She was left with nothing.
Looks like he wants to set you up with his assets after he passes? Nothing wrong with that but if his expectation is that you care for him in illness, these should be negotiated before hand. Good luck.
He loves the you that you don’t show him because it would be unprofessional. Do you want to be in this situation for another 20 years or so? Has he asked what you want out of life? What if you want kids of your own or a career from your schooling? Can you have those experiences with someone whose already lived them and won’t be here past a certain age for your kids? What about friends and family. Do you go out and actually have college people experiences? It is unfortunate, but you may need to separate here and go back to being a broke student for a few months before being connected to a new SD if you still need money. Taking advice here from 50 year old women isn’t going to help you because they already lived their life. Money does help, but it isn’t everything.
Can you handle a temporary relationship that is business on your behalf? He’s 71 – has maybe 20 years max. There may be elder care.
If you decide to do this you have to protect yourself. As he obviously has children and grandkids a bulk of his estate would go to them. But you need to be provided for. Pre nup is important in providing for your future. I think a modest 2-3 bedroom in a decent neighbourhood, lump sum nest egg (cash and investments) and anything he has gifted you is yours.
Women have been marrying for security for centuries. And some men are fine with the arrangement because they can have what they want and have the privilege to make it happen. But are you okay with it? If you do decent to do it put a clause in that the first year is trial and you can exit without penalty. Don’t lose yourself while he creates his fantasy.
No judgement. Just if you’re going to do it be super smart about it.
lonnnnng sigh
I hate these creative writing exercises. As an actual real life sugarbaby who did the sugar baby to spoiled girlfriend to trophy wife pipeline, and forum moderator of 5+ years for a sugarbaby forum, allow me to call this out for what it is: complete BS.
I haven’t seen anyone mention this: People can change after marriage.
His expectations of you could change.
Think about the generational differences of what it means to be a submissive wife.
Honestly, I would seriously ask him what’s in it for you like will he be putting you on his will and so far I mean it sounds like you guys like each other. It sounds like he’s genuinely taking care of you. But that’s not a decision you need to rush into.
There might be a reason his kids don’t talk to him much, and it may not even have anything to do with the fact that their own kids are as old as his taste in women look.
There’s a subreddit for sugar dating. You may want to see what that community’s thoughts are on it if you haven’t already.
Honestly, I would, you like him from what it seems? He’s respectful, caring, takes care of you, treats you well, can provide… I know it may be a lot but also so what? If you may feel the same or can see yourself reciprocating feels, why not?! Life is too short to be wondering the what ifs.
This feels like a creative writing exercise
if you marry him you’ll be out of agency protection
Figure out how many kids he has , and how hard they’re willing to fight over his estate.
I love the fact that almost everyone who is discussing this in a transactional way is getting downvoted, like OP isn’t in a transactional prostitution business. I mean, I ain’t thinking less of her, they’re both getting what they want out of the deal, but she is prostituting herself for money, that’s the reality. Anybody saying what’s in it for you seems to be getting downvoted like it’s real romance on her part. Wild.
The thing you have to ask yourself, if you are considering it: “Do I want to become a widow at age 30-40?” (And maybe start caring for him in 10 years)
Girl no. I get doing things for the plot but why would you want to get married before you’re even old enough to drink?!
With marriage comes the responsibility of you know, being married. Do you know in your heart you are willing to take actions for this person, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to cherish, till death do you apart?
No bc this is fetish porn and people are actually wasting their energy thinking it’s real and giving advice. People need to stop believing everything they read on the internet. This is pathetic.
The way you talk about him…. handsome, listens to you when you talk, sweetest man you’ve ever met… if he were your age, would you consider marrying him?
You talk about staying professional. Maybe for the next six months, stop thinking about him as a job and just think of him as a person.
Part of me wonders if your real hesitation lies in introducing him to all of your family and friends and taking the heat for your sugar baby lifestyle.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! This won’t end well. Keep him as a friend and a job, like you said, but for the dear love of God…. this is not a sustainable relationship with the 50 year age gap. I just turned 50 and would have to go out with a newborn or a 100 year old man to match that age gap and both options are disgusting and illegal, well the newborn anyway. I’m just using this as an example. Do yourself a favor and only plan long term with someone of an appropriate age.
I have an interesting story that’s similar to this.
I was 18 in college. I was taking a Japanese class. 1992.
This guy showed up. Apparently he always signed up for the class, then dropped it.
After the first class, he was talking to me. He was in the Navy. Lived in Japan. And he had a business proposition for me.
How would I like to move to Japan?
And I was open to it and he got into the details. This was during Japan’s boom. It was $10k/mo. I would be a surrogate husband for lonely Japanese women whose husbands no longer had time for them. And that these women guilted their husbands and this was perfectly okay because they were neglected.
Sex was optional if I wanted to do it, but they basically wanted someone to take care of and pay attention to.
It was honestly the saddest thing I ever heard.
I declined. IIRC, he got 3 guys from my class to do it.
Interestingly enough, I ended up married to a Japanese woman, and I think had I done it, I would have been more skilled at our marriage. I don’t think I should have done it mainly for the money, but I probably should have done it just to understand something I didn’t.
If you feel like you are growing as a person, then do it. It’s sort of counter-intuitive to say, but if by selling yourself you are gaining worth, then it’s probably a good thing. If you have to be paid to be learn how you deserve to be treated, then…take from it what you will.
How do I sign up to be a sugar baby 🥹🥹