My weight has always fluctuated ever since I was like 10 years old. From overweight to fit to just a little chubby to skinny and now my BMI says I’m obese, which is hard to accept. I really dont look obese, but I know I need to lose weight. I was doing so well right before I got pregnant, I had lost like 22lbs and was on the path to losing like 10 more. My husband had talked to me about my weight gain throughout our relationship, saying that he was worried I would just keep getting bigger and that I needed to take my diet seriously. So I did. I agreed with him even though it was a hard pill to swallow.
But I gained upwards of 50 lbs during my pregnancy. I’ve only been able to lose 40 of it so far. It’s been such a hard topic to discuss. My husband gets really upset when he doesn’t see progress. I have a hard time with binge eating when I’m stressed, always have. I find comfort in food. It’s not a good thing. I ate a lot while I was pregnant but I ate even MORE after I gave birth because of things like breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, post partum anxiety etc. He has made it clear from the start that I absolutely need to get back into shape, because he was not attracted to my new body and he’s a very healthy person who trains a lot so he wants a wife who is fit and healthy too.
I get it. Honestly I do. And I know I need to lose the weight and eat better for my own health down the line. I know that for a while i’ll do really well but then I’ll relapse and gain a couple pounds back. And repeat. I know I need to stay focused and be more disciplined. I’m not as healthy as I could be. But this is so hard for me, like it’s embarrassing. To hear your husband say those things. I can’t even be intimate anymore because I’m just awkward and embarrassed of my body. He says he still loves me and wants to be intimate and affectionate but im having trouble with it.
How do I not be embarrassed about my husbands concern over my weight and diet? I seriously just want to jump in front of a train whenever he brings it up. I get so defensive and angry when he brings it up that we end up fighting and the fights turn bad sometimes. We say things like, this is never going to get better, how much longer until one of us leaves, etc.
Like my weight and my lack of discipline in regards to my diet is literally ruining my marriage and it’s fucking embarrassing and I don’t want to admit it to anyone I know.