I (29M) and my Wife (28F) have been married for a year now. We are both working. She is the one who buys all the vegetables, eggs, rice ,and other cooking items for the month. I pay the rent, other bills, our car and fuel. I also buy all the meat items for the month. (We both follow a strict diet, so food is a major part of our lives.) I have the opportunity to work from home. Since I have to take my wife to her workplace (She doesnt want to go in public transport or in an office transport service. Office transports services are really good). Since I have to drive her to work daily, my fuel cost is also higher. She brought up the argument that I have to provide for the family, I said I will do that if she can go to work by herself. I need to mention that she do all the housework perfectly. It is just she brings up that argument time to time and I feel like I am not doing enough. Any advice to address this issue?
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what does she mean by “providing for the family”? also maybe you need to talk to her again and budget together for transparency?
You should sit down and compare what you each earn, and what your respective contributions are to the household. Plainly she does not think you are doing enough, either financially or contributing to the upkeep of your home, whether she is right in that view or not really depends on the specifics of what you each contribute.
Wait, did you say she does all the housework and does it perfectly?
I think you provide enough! You even provide for her to be able to get to work everyday by driving her. Maybe she’s telling you that when she’s frustrated and in a bad mood.
Why is she doing all the housework if you both work? Maybe she wants you to fulfil
The male traditional role because you’re making her do both the man’s and the woman’s while you only have to do one. You can’t pick and choose which traditional roles benefit you. If she has to do the housework as a woman you should be making more money as the man.
“Office transport service”? Where do you live?
From your comments/post it sounds like she was very traditional gender rules and you don’t. She seems to want to do the cleaning and maintaining the household and expects you to make all the money. I think you need to address it and set up some boundaries as this arrangement can only work for certain income thresholds. My advice would be to have more even split of housework and maybe a joint account for your living expenses to allow for more transparency. However I think you need to explore yours and her expectations when it comes to both household and finances.
You’re married and therefore you should be a team. It’s not on one of you to provide, it’s a team effort.
Combine all of your income into one pot and take out of that pot what you need each month for both of you. Save the rest. For both of you.
Splitting it up won’t work if one gets sick/loses their job/has a baby etc, so combine it now and think to the future.
And if either of you doesn’t trust the other with all the income, then maybe you shouldn’t be married.
It sounds like you’re already contributing significantly fr rent, bills, fuel, meat while she handles groceries nd housework. Ask her what providing for the family specifically means to her, sometimes it’s about expectations not actual effort.
You should contact the members of the family (probably her side) she is talking about and tell them there won’t be any money coming from you, because there is no money left after basics like food, housing, bill, and basic clothes have been paid for, there’s nothing left. They need to stop demanding money and look to earn more themselves. Anymore demanding money through your wife will result in no communications. End with there is no money left after basic living expenses, stop demanding money we haven’t got.
Stop giving a fuck what other people say.
You’re married, why do you have separate accounts?
Once my husband and I married we pooled our income and paid for day to day living from that.
Savings were joint, debt was joint and financial goals were joint.
Do you have financial goals together or is it just daily survival?
I have worked all my married life ( well I had one year off recently).
When we had children I still worked. Not because I had to but because I’m not a stay at home type person.
We had a financial goal and work towards it together. We are now in our mid 50’s own our PPOR outright. Have investments that are appreciating and are debt free. It was never my responsibility or just my husband’s responsibility but a joint responsibility to achieve a goal.
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a good talk about what you both want for the future and set out a plan.
I understand what we have done won’t work for all but no matter who you are communication will always benefit a relationship.
I am still amazed how people get married w/o discussing role expectations incl financial. 🤯 cmon, guys, that’s a common sense.
Also the fact that this “arguement is brought from time to time”. Idk have you tried resolving it?Sounds like she expects you to do a the costs, while you want something in the direction of 50/50. Both can make sense, but you shouldn’t have married before discussing this. 😐 sit down with her, write down all the income, costs and planned savings/retirement and don’t stand up until you agree how much go from each account and where
I would get A joint account while you both have your own as well. You both put a percentage of your salary To that joint account. And from that account you pay the rent, car, food, everything about the house, the car, the food. And from your own personal accounts you put some into savings if you can and use how you want the rest. Perhaps buy clothes when needed.
Doing housework is providing domestic labour therefore you are not providing enough time and effort into the family. If she doesn’t think you do the housework well enough, try harder, learn to do it better. Don’t wait for her to ask, if you see the floor needs hoovering or you get home and dinner isn’t cooked – just do it. Helping with cooking and cleaning is providing.