Me: 30 M Wife: 29 F My wife is really angry with me because I told her I’m going to watch a movie with a friend. I mistakenly didn’t wait for her, so I watched 2 minutes, at which point she barged in the room and started yelling at me, being angry I already started watching with my friend (28 F). I did admit I was being to hasty, but I was tired, wanted to watch a quick flick and head to bed. I explained to her not much had happened yet. Unfortunately she was still really angry at me, and started watching the movie nonetheless. At a certain point she started scrolling on her phone, and re arranging some stuff around the house, I asked her if I need to pause the movie which she replied “No, I’m watching, but I’m just doing some other stuff.” I get that I’m in fault here for not waiting, but I find her reaction really over the top and she doesn’t want to talk… Any advice on how I could reconcile with her? TL;DR Turned on movie too soon, wife angry I watched 2min without her
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Have you had the same fight before?
I feel like the lead is getting buried here. Your wife was mad already about the idea of you watching a movie with this friend? Is that correct? If so, why?
Toxic relationship
It’s not about the movie
I’d like to hear more about this “friend”…maybe it has NOTHING to do with the movie OP
It seems like there’s much more to it, it usually is never JUST about something so simple. Is this something that happens often? In other scenarios?
Take this to r/marriage 😂😂😂😂
This is not about the movie, bro.
EDIT: Anytime you get this disproportionate of a reaction, it ain’t about the thing that’s on the surface.
You need to think hard, NOW.
Wait what? Why is there an other female there?
Was your friend not in the room with you when your wife barged in? Surely she was aware that you had a friend over to watch a movie? Did she just decide at the last minute that she wanted to watch as well?
It’s not about you starting the movie too soon, the issues are deeper than that. She’s feeling uncared for and disconnected from you, starting a movie 2 minutes sooner without her is just a symptom, a little example that represents the whole picture of her discontent. But she’s not verbalizing that and instead is acting out. Not great.
Start with asking her what she’s truly mad about, and if there is a bigger problem that needs to be addressed.
Do you start things without her often? Like eating a meal or movies etc? Did you ask her if she wanted to watch it?
ETA because i thought of more reasons to be pissed off:
Does she get time to watch stuff? Hows the chore divide? Could she feel like she needs to rush through chores to spend time with you or split focus by cleaning around the room while the movie is on?
Why do I feel like a lot of important context is missing from this post….?
This is more about you starting it with your 28f friend and not her. Like she’s taking the back seat.
The yelling and anger wasn’t the proper way to handle it, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t being inconsiderate.
This isn’t about the movie. It’s about your “friend”.
So you have a female friend over and can’t care enough to wait for your wife to join you two?
Give more details on how you ignore your wife and prefer your friend
Its ironic to me how she blew up on you for watching 2 minutes of a movie without her.
But when she does watch it, she’s distracted, on her phone, doing stuff around the house, not really paying attention.
So, you didn’t actually care to watch the movie. You just wanted to be mad about something.
When I see that…
Choice is yours.
Personally, I could give less of a crap if you’re in the mood. If you want to be in a mood, have at it. Get yourself worked up. Be frustrated. I am not dealing with your mood. Be mad for the night. Not my problem. Not entertaining it.
If you want to talk about it calmly… I will happily discuss it once your petty attitude is dropped.
But… A lot of context is missing here.
What’s this deal with your friend? That is a serious route to explore here. Is this someone she’s comfortable with, knows well? Someone she has always felt threatened by? Lots to pick at in there.
Were you waiting on your wife for a while and she was slow to show up?
Be more courteous, as a rule. Your “mistakenly” not waiting to watch the movie – no one wants to miss the first 2 minutes of the movie?!- is, as you describe, just you not giving a s*** about her. Are you generally lazy, or is this just you messing with her passive-aggressively? Whatever it is, she knows it and that’s what she’s responding to.
You guys have bigger problems. Start talking, start analyzing what is happening, and try to see each other as the people that you love, not as a partner in an ongoing cold war.
Yeah your wife’s acting over the top. Either she’s childish or it’s not about the movie.
And don’t pay attention to the people whining about your female friend. Any man that isn’t socially isolated has platonic female friends. Your wife might not be on the same page tho.
Try and find out if and why your friend makes her uncomfortable
This post feels like a big troll because OP is slipping and sliding around any questions pertaining to the friend.
Your watching a movie with your female friend and couldnt wait for your wife? Yeah, this relationship is going to last!
Yes, her reaction is over the top, especially as she didn’t really pay full attention to it when she could, by doing something else at the same time. You haven’t done anything wrong so any apology or explanation from you should include that you found her response a bit intense. Is she like that in other areas?
What was your wife doing when you decided to sit down and start the movie? Was she cleaning up dishes from dinner while you did nothing to help and started the movie before she even finished? (Just one of many things that could’ve been the case)
Did you tell her “hey I’m about to start the movie, you wanna come and sit down?” Or did you just start it without her and expect her know?
this is notttttt about the movie at all my boy lmaoooooo
This isn’t about the movie
So you’ve got another chick there with you, y’all are probably laughing and enjoying taking on the sofa.
I’m guessing she was cleaning up after dinner? Putting in a load of wash?
And it’s all about you and what YOU want. When you want it.
So what is she REALLY angry with you?
You better figure it out. You sound like the guy who’s about to say, “She filed for divorce and I never saw it coming.”
CONTEXT: My friend is a lesbian
How would you feel if you were in her situation.she invites a guy friend round to watch a movie with you both, but suddenly her and this guy are getting comfy starting it without you while you are doing something else because she didn’t want to wait for the man she is supposed to love and would rather start the movie with her male friend. Get a grip man you’re the problem. do better.
why didn’t you just wait for your fucking wife
Sounds like she was looking for clean up jobs to do and instead of doing your part to help, you chose to visit with your friend instead of doing your part in the clean up.
Lots of people are focusing on the friend. I think the real issue is that your wife didn’t feel like a priority. Next time, just say “Oh my god I’m so sorry. We’re only two minutes in. I’ll restart it. Can I get you something to snack on or drink to make you more comfortable?”
Small gestures like this will make your partner feel loved and appreciated.
You left her out of your date. That’s what this is about. Your date came first, not your wife. Jfc. Zero emotional maturity.
I said it once, i want to say it again:
No, it doesn’t sounds like you’re all “friends”.
You didn’t even wait for her to start the fucking movie!
On an proper friend meeting you wait for EVERYONE , and that’s really, really basic courtesy. Just like you waited for your friend to come over to watch it, but you couldn’t wait for your wife for 2 minutes bro. You are leaving only one person out :
Your wife. And that is fucking wrong , and you know it.
You pretending there is nothing weird or wrong about this is maddening tho. Just stop
You’re bad at telling stories… get better at lying at least.
You’re seemingly very deliberately excluding some pertinent context— or generally you’re actual aloof and daft so she’s stressed with how blind you must be to her feelings.
This is so petty. She’s upset you were watching with another girl. Then making a Reddit post instead of fixing things with your wife.
She’s angry because there’s a clear disconnect and you’re not paying attention to her feelings. She’s not over the top. She’s bottling it in because you don’t listen to her.
What movie was it? It matters.