Last night I (35M) woke up around 2 a.m. and went to the kitchen. My wife (33F) was on the phone with her sister. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I froze when I heard my name.
She said she “misses the man she married” and that I’ve become “boring, predictable, and lazy.” She said she still loves me but sometimes wonders if she made a mistake marrying me so young.
I walked back to bed quietly and pretended to be asleep when she came in. She kissed my head like nothing happened. Now I can’t look at her the same way. I don’t know if I should tell her I heard.
Comments
Sounds like an opportunity to do something unboring, unpredictable, and unlazy. Schedule a surprise date/mini vacation?
If she kissed your forehead, she’s still in it brother.
Best course of action would be to step up whatever you are lazy about, and do something romantic and spontaneous. Even if its some small things, you will catch her off guard, and reignite the spark with some excitement.
Listen to it. Time to change it up and stop being lazy.
Sounds like a wake up call. Time to do something.
She loves you, and it’s absolutely okey to miss some of the things about how things used to be. Doesn’t mean you have to change everything, but you can do something about being lazy. And some new things is always healthy, date night, movie, hiking, just something to change the routine. It’s absolutely normal, take it as a good thing that you overheard it, this way you can do something about it.
Maybe you really became boring and what you heard is a blessing.
There is nothing worse than becoming roommates with the person you spend your life. You can organize something, move things up, go on city trip.
Time to step up.
You should be glad this happened without her noticing, because now you can change and try to be your old self more often 💕
Learn from it and Let it go.
Oof. That sucks to hear. I’d probably hold off on telling her until you’ve had some time to digest the information. You can love someone and still miss who they were or miss the honeymoon phase, and it definitely sounds like she was venting more than anything.
You may not be boring, predictable or lazy, but those seem like less of an attack on your personality and more that she feels something missing in the relationship or a desire to spice things up.
As I see it, you could either keep it secret and use the info to add some excitement and interest back into your lives. Or you could come clean and maybe say (nicely, not retaliatory) what you miss about/from her too and then hopefully working to add some excitement to your relationship together.
Talk. To. Each. Other.
She misses you. She’s not “out” of it yet.
Your response to this is telling, though. Instead of her words igniting change, you can’t look at HER the same way!? Come on now.
The fact she “misses you” says you weren’t always like this. Are you struggling with depression or low testosterone? I’d see a doctor to rule out anything medical that would hinder you showing up for your wife.
Are you investing in yourself, her, and the relationship? If not, that’s your next task.
Send her flowers today, plan a date, and maybe do more with her and less with a tv/phone/computer
Sounds like you missed the she loves you part. Maybe you shouldn’t focus on confronting her and instead on what she said. Have you changed?
Brother! Maybe its a good time to sit down and think hard what has changed with you between now and when you married. What things you used to do together that stopped etc
Instead of only thinking about yourself maybe you should lock tf in and remind her why she married you in the first place.
Op, i can imagine it is hurtful. If you are still in this marriage, I would use it as fire to bring the spontaneity, love and fun things you use to do and so on.
Maybe use it as a second chance to repair things. Also have an open and honest conversation about what you both can do to make each other feel appreciated, loved, heard and seen.
Take this as a heads up to do something unpredictable and make a real effort to not be lazy. Surprise her with something positive/loving she wouldn’t see coming.
Your wife still loves you.
But when was the last time you did something fun and exciting with your wife? A date night? Surprise her with flowers? It seems like a love language of her’s isn’t being met.
Do a little self reflecting. By your reaction, imma assume, you’ve have become complacent in your day to day life. You come home from work, probably decompress by sitting on the couch together, and then night time routine. And weekends are probably filled with yard work/golf/watching sports/hunting. And your wife just coexist in your mundane life. And if you have kids, I’m sure they take up a lot of your and wife’s time. If she is feeling like this, she is daydreaming of doing something fun, with you, together.
I’m not sure you can’t change from the person you were in your late 20s. Obviously so different from going to clubs or whatever. But making some time with your wife as one on one would probably benefit you and your wife. Try to make it a monthly thing.
Don’t tell her. Instead think about what she means. Sounds like she misses what use to be when you two were first together.
What changed?
What was spontaneous or adventurous for her?
Have you become more lazy? Being married for a long while can give a side of comfort that starts lacking what we use to do. Hobbies, working out, random flowers.
Maybe that’s what’s boring her. Something she feels is missing. If you are at a loss, guess what. You know what to ask. Exp, “I was thinking about what we use to do compared to now. Can you think of any changes? Something that would nice to do?
Or be honest with yourself and her. tell her the truth and talk about it.
I would choose the more spontaneous way. By not telling her and making plans randomly might be the surprise she needs. Not all the time, that would be predictable. Make a date for one month, give her flowers two or three months later. Chocolates next year. just examples.
You have a perfect opportunity here, and you’re instead whining about it on reddit…??
Sounds like the universe decided it was time for you to take notice. She still loves you, there’s a way through.
So are you boring, predictable and lazy??
Get help, try harder, she’s hasn’t given up, neither should you.
You get to decide what comes next.
Do you stay as you are, knowing what you know, and let your marriage slide downhill, or will you be proactive, take a critical look at yourself and take her words head on.
She obviously still loves you so take this as a blessing and step up.
She didn’t kiss your forehead like nothing happened. She kissed your forehead because she’s hurt and still loves you. Kissing someone that’s asleep is 10000% an act of love. She’s not doing it for you, who in her mind doesn’t even know is awake, she is doing it for herself. That kiss is her fighting for you. Time to do some self evaluation and ask yourself if she’s right. Something changed and that’s hurting her. You need to find out what that is
overhearing that was the closest thing to divine intervention, honestly. this is your chance to save your marriage. there’s still hope.
Yeah don’t worry buddy, she’s still with you, but you need to take that like advice. Delete all your distractions, throw away your phone, get bored. Really dig inside and pull out that younger you. Is he really buried? What was he like? What was your mind like in those days?
Big points if you casually bring it up with your wife. “Hey I was thinking we do something fun, like in the old days”. WINNER move
Don’t tell her you heard, but act on it and take what she said as advise as to how to make things better
I feel bad for most of the ppl in these comments.
First of all, if she expects their relationship to be exactly as it was in the honeymoon phase, then shes fooling herself. Second, if she feels like the marriage is lacking in spontaneity and passion, then she needs to TELL HER HUSBAND this. Communicate with him that she feels he has grown “lazy” in their relationship and that she misses how he might have been in the beginning of their relationship. Its normal to get comfy in a relationship and sort of mellow out, especially after so many years together, and there is nothing wrong with this. If this is whats making her unhappy though, then she needs to be clear and honest with him about it. Third, there is nothing wrong with OP being hurt by what he overheard. I would be hurt too if I heard my partner say (to someone else entirely) that they had some regrets about marrying me just bc I wasnt the exact same person i was when we started dating.
Tell her the truth. What you overheard. Communicate. She is still invested in your relationship. Maybe even go to couples counseling if you can’t pinpoint what the issues are.
So fix it. And fix it long-term. Don’t do some extra stuff around the house and plan a surprise and only make that last a few months. Date this woman like you dated her before you got married. Marriage does not mean the end of dating. I find going on dates to be extremely important. And ask her on a date. Plan one and ask her. Bring her flowers. Do the dishes. Vacuum the carpet. Mop the kitchen. Do those extra little things that make her day easier.
Tell her you heard.
Talk about it.
Are you offended with how she feels? Why?
Question why she had to vent to her sis about it vs you!
Ask yourself if YOU are happy with HER!
The truth hurts but if someone called me predictable and boring I’d self reflect on that and try to see how and why things have unfolded this way
Sit on the thought before you do anything. We’re all guilty of being complacent. Perhaps use this as an opportunity to bring back the passion. She still doesn’t know what you heard and you can surprise her with small changes. Flowers, dinner and maybe some gifts. Plan a holiday or suggest a class on pottery or art for couples. Be spontaneous.
She’s still there and this is your wake up call.
Dude, you just received a gift. Stop being butt hurt about it, and take some time to reflect on where you are today, and how you are showing up in your life and in this relationship for your partner. Do better. Do it because you want to. Do it because you and your partner deserve it.
Well it’s a blessing in disguise. Time to step up your game without saying a word to her.
This is a gift disguised as hurt to wake you up cuz you didn’t know you were sleeping. No pun intended. Take time to get over being hurt, if you can. And if you can, try and figure out what you think has changed w you in your marriage and work on getting that back. Seems like she misses date nights and doing fun things…you doing things without being told. Little things….they make a big difference my friend.
Well, if it’s true … get motived.
I think we all fall into ruts sometimes. Surprise her with spontaneity with fun activities you use to enjoy.
Spice it up in the bedroom. Get a gym membership. Do stuff.
Women are often more active than some men. We, including me, make great efforts to date a women . We take her all over the place . We go out with mutual friends . We go out to dinner . We travel . Then we marry the girl of our dreams …now we have a wife we love . We settle down and build a comfortable,predictable, safe life that we enjoy filled with tv, football , video games , lawn mowers , jeeps or sports cars and home maintenance. Then we spend our time tinkering around in the garage or hanging around the tv and lounging around in the world of bliss we have created for ourselves and then bore the hell outta our wives…it’s just a fact. That’s what we do. We have to remember to plan dates and fun stuff that keeps life exciting…which is tough especially if we are on a budget and if there are children to find babysitters for. Life is tough nowadays but we have try and keep it interesting…cause brotha girls just want to have fun.
If you are like me , I work a lot . I’m tired . I want to rest on the comfortable sofa , in my comfortable house ,with my comfortable dog and watch my comfortable big screen tv . I worked hard to have the stuff I have .i want to enjoy it. I love my wife . I love taking care of my little hobby farm . I love hanging out with my wife in the comfortable life and home we built together. That said she is always finding stuff for us to do that isn’t staying home and enjoying our house and property. She wants to be on the go go go . Home to her is just a place to take a break from the go go go… for me home IS where I want to be most of the time. I have built a home that feels like a vacation . I don’t NEED anything else. My home is my entertainment and most my hobbies are right there . She wants and needs excitement and outside friends and concerts and parties and gatherings and shopping and travels and whatever else that makes for girls just want to have fun bliss… I just want to fuck around on my farm .Lol.
That said, I drag my tired ass off the couch and happily go do these things she loves without complaint. I try and surprise her with fun stuff but she usually already has the fun stuff planned out and we go do what she wants to do…again without bitching about it ( usually). Honestly my level of desire to go out is way way way less than hers but I dated her and we were go go go go go go. I married her so we still are on the go go go schedule. Not as much as when we met but still more than what I need. I indulge her because I love her and she is good to me (most of the time). This husband and wife thing is a give and take …often we have to do shit that we don’t want to do when we would much rather stay home and watch a movie or go work on the jeep or mow the lawn or stain the deck or fix the broken whatever … but brotha girls just want to have fun and if you don’t have fun with your wife unfortunately she’ll find some fucker that will and you’ll be headed for heart break hotel and a house on lonely street with a d-i-v-o-r-c-e in your future.
You heard her candid thoughts . She loves you . She’s just bored. Bored is ok . Just find something that entertains her . She even gave you the recipe to fix the boredom… be your old self . Do the stuff you use to do and have fun .
Whatever you do don’t let this accidental reveal get in your head. Don’t confront her …she’ll just get mad and escalate this problem. Just fix it.
Take her out for fun stuff …she’s just bored.
Guys and girls are different. We just are …rip yourself off the couch and start dating her again before you lose her.
Good luck.
So many people telling him to not tell her and just do something.
Why not talk to her? Tell her you overheard her talking about you, but you didn’t know how to approach the situation.
Tell her you had time to think about what you heard (and please do think about it) and that you want to work on yourself.
It shows her that you do still care about her and that you want to change.
Show her that you want to work on it and get her in on it because it will be much easier to let her tell you what’s wrong and then go about it rather than just getting her a random gift.
Worst case, she will talk to you eventually and you will simply reply with “I bought you flowers last week”….
Talk to each other and get over it together!
That must have been really hard to hear. I think the other comments are absolutely right, life gets monotonous and doing something exciting can bring that spark right back. I just wanted to acknowledge that must have been really upsetting. Try to turn this into a positive.
U need to communicate and see what u can both do to work through your marriage she came back and kissed u means she’s still hasn’t cheaked out fully from the marriage.
There’s hope if u can work together and fix your issues but the door is closing
She still loves you, she just wants you to put in a little more effort.
I guess it’s the time of the week for this story to be reposted. I’m starting to wonder if literally all the posts on this sub are just AI-generated reposts of the same dozen stories.
If the genders were reversed in this story and it was the woman walking in on her husband then everyone would be encouraging her to divorce him. There more hypocrisy on Reddit than politics.
So she hasn’t checked out- yet. What are you going to do with this knowledge? Are you going to talk to her about what it is in you that she sees as changed and be willing to change? Or are you going to allow your pride and ego take over and let this deteriorate your marriage? This is a gift of knowledge, it may hurt, but at least she didn’t say she fell out of love with you bc that’s the kiss of death. It’s very hard to fall back in love once resentment kicks in. So many marriages fall victim to partner complacency- don’t let that happen if you want to keep this marriage.
Brother, that kiss said more about how she still feels for you than what you heard her say to her sister.
Dude women are like amplifiers. Be good she will make you the best. If you are bad she will make you even worse. Start from you as people gossip at all times.
Time to date your wife again bro. As someone who has been with the same woman for 24 years and married 19, it’s easy to get comfortable. Start small and work your way up. Don’t change everything at once, it’ll get overwhelming.
I love how most people in the comments assume its you’re fault without knowing more than these few sentences
You should talk to her about what you heard and let her know how you feel. Also ask her what is making her feel you are lazy?
That’s the only way to clear the air and not let feelings fester into resentment. Communication is key! Relationships are hard work on both parts and you both need to be able to communicate. I’d think of how you phrase it and let the hurt feelings dull a little bit before approaching so it doesn’t come off as automatic defense.
I’m so sorry you had to hear something like that from your partner, it’s very hard.
Some ways I approach things in my relationship is writing down how I feel before saying it out loud, sometimes, once I read it back, I can think of appropriate ways to approach it or feel better and ready to let it go. I dont suggest letting this go without finding out why. You both dont want resentment to build.
People are so exhausting. Sometimes life wears you out and you need to be boring for a little bit
Maybe counseling will help clear the air and get you both back on the right path.
This is normal… All relationships have their ups and downs and she was just venting. She still came back to bed and kissed you. It means she still wants to be with you.
Just talk to her… Come up with what you both can do, together. Good communication will always help in a relationship.
The kiss on your forehead means you’re still in the fight, presuming of course that she hasn’t stepped out.
You could always just tell her the truth, what you’ve told us, and then go from there. You should also consider marriage counseling before any actual cracks start to form in the foundation of your marriage.
Waking up that night was very fortuitous. Have the honest conversations you need to have and work on what you need to. Good luck man.
Dude, take a look at yourself. Not in the mirror…in your heart.
Is she right?
Then prove her wrong!
Maybe you aren’t the man she married…but maybe you can be again?
That kiss says she misses that man.
Maybe you can find him?
For her…and for you?
This wise old badger is betting you can.
You need to have an honest conversation about it. She seems like she still loves you quite a bit.
All I am going to say is that it’s up to the 2 of you to reignite the spark. Just because you turned boring, predictable and lazy, doesn’t mean that your wife didn’t do the same.
Why don’t you think about it instead of “not seeing her the same”. Do you still date her? Do you take initiative to actively plan things for both of you?
This is great. Now do something spontaneous and cool that she would enjoy.
It’s time to plan a surprise date night
Brother reignite the spark!
“Boring, predictable, and lazy” are basically synonymous, so GOOD NEWS she only really has one complaint.
As others have mentioned, she still loves you (kiss) but she needs more spontaneity, novelty, creativity. Possibly sexually, definitely romantically.
Please DO talk WITH her.
Time to step it up dude. She obviously still loves you.
Plan a date, surprise her and show her that you still got it.
I believe in you, man.
Whatever you do, don’t sulk. You’ve been given insider information. Please use it wisely.
You were given a wonderful opportunity. Most men don’t realize they’ve let the spark disappear until their wife is divorcing them. She clearly still loves you, just pick it up a little.
I would tell her and give her the chance to explain about what specifically she sees in you that makes her say those things. It would also give you a chance to ask questions and tell her how you feel. It may not be an easy conversation but it will probably save your marriage.
Hey, if you agree with her, this would be a great time to turn it all around! Kind of kidding.
“I can’t look at her the same” Mate, You got blessed by the Divines, a singular moment that could’ve easily been missed, but you woke up at the right moment & the right time to hear a message that can save your marriage before it hits danger levels. If you chose to listen to it from a place of love, instead of anger.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that hurt to hear, but trust me. No One, NO ONE, kisses a sleeping partner who doesn’t still Deeply love them. It’s not for validation or to perform, it’s a singular, private act, that’s a pure expression of love for someone.
So take a day, maybe two, to process those feelings, feel the hurt, understand Why it hurts, then, make changes. Talk to her if it’s needed but don’t place blame or do it from anger, do it from a place of love & of compassion, do it with a strong desire for understanding & for change.
Complacency can be the death of a relationship, people forget that relationships are supposed to be maintained, maintenance takes work, good, fun work, sometimes, hard work, but work all the same. We can never stop showing our loved ones, that we love them, flowers, gifts, expressions of love & joy, they can’t stop happening. Even in the hard times, we can’t forget to keep showing it. So, get back to wooing your wife, go back to DATING YOUR WIFE.
I promise, it’s worth it & you’ll Both be happier for it.
Big squishy hugs from a random gay internet uncle
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
She kissed your forehead, so that’s a really good sign. She isn’t done with the relationship. Most women quiet quit a relationship when they are done. Is she doing a majority of the housework? Or all of it? Does she have to ask you to do normal, everyday chores or do you see what needs to be done and take care of it? Is she carrying the mental load for your family? In most of my long term relationships, even where we did not live together, the man would slowly regress until I felt like I was his mother, not his partner in life. You were lucky to overhear that. Now you know what to work on to keep your marriage strong. Just keep in mind that she is your person and you guys are supposed to do life as equal partners. It is such a big deal in a relationship
Bro you had a Ebenezer Scrooge moment and got visited by the ghost of Christmas future. She’s literally giving you the cheat code, get off your ass, and do something to keep her interested and fix it before it is a problem you can’t fix.
Yes, tell her. Start the conversation and make your marriage stronger
It’s honestly weird if you think about this with the rules reversed.
A dude talking about how he misses his old girlfriend/wife? It would be met very very differently.
I’m angry at these comments telling him to change as if the wife isn’t wrong for not talking to her HUSBAND. Jesus fucking Christ Reddit hates men.
You should talk about it. You can improve and change if you care and love it. She still shows that she loves you, you shouldn’t feel offended. In a young couple, people change, grow up and don’t always manage to adapt.
There should be communication and dialogue in order to find a point of agreement, understand what is wrong, what can be improved by both of us and keep your relationship healthy and happy
Have you thought about what you heard?
Sometimes “boring and predictable” just means “grew up and got a job and responsibilities”, but it could also be that you stopped doing what you love.
Theres room in a marriage for both being responsible and also being fun. What do you do in your down time? What did you used to do? What would you like to do?
This might not be a “we need to talk” moment, it might be a moment to reflect on whether you’re living the life you want. And…maybe you are, in which case maybe you do need to talk, but I’d do the thinking and reflecting part first.
Don’t say anything and go do something fun this weekend or buy tickets to a cool band or something.
Take this as the blessing it is and use it as an opportunity to turn your marriage around before it’s too stagnant to bring back to life.
That forehead kiss says so much. She absolutely cherishes you despite her frustration
Take this as a chance to break out of routine. This may be good for you as well as her and your relationship. New habits/activities can encourage new neural pathways and increase synaptic efficiency. It is heathy for you to break out of the mundane!
Your wife seems loving and thoughtful but she may need to realize that part of being with someone long-term DOES mean that the more you get to know them, the more predictable they become. This is just part of life. You can’t spend all your time looking for new ways to surprise her or trying to be someone you’re not just to keep her on her toes. You should still try new things and surprise her occasionally but maybe speak to her openly at some point about your relationship in regards to this. The flip side is if (not saying your wife necessarily) someone doesn’t like the comfort and safety of being with someone they know and find predictable, they can go find someone else — but that comes with a high risk and usually people that are prone to chasing that ‘excitement’ end up in a cycle of disappointment and pain. There is comfort in someone who you know and can trust… and there can also be excitement. It’s about finding the right balance and appreciating what you have.
You don’t need to tell her you heard. You’re at advantage here: You know everything you need to fix to keep your marriage healthy. Just change the things you heard. And then someday you’ll hear her on the phone with someone else saying her husband improved.
When my man starts getting predicable I eventually tell him because I love him and I done want to lose that spark that we have. She didn’t tell you cause she didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but it was no accident that you heard what you heard so take it as a self reevaluation and start doing things for your wife that yall use to do.
tis a gift you heard that my dude. and not malicious. you being boring and predictable isn’t malicious either. so everything’s ok. but using these moments for good is what life is all about. you can find this out before or after you let your marriage crumble but either way it’s true
Here’s what you do.
You wake up in the morning, and you pretend that you are dating her. You realize you are in love with this woman today, you have to make her fall in love with you. And you treat every day like that.
There is a good chance she feels “got”. Don’t let her feel got. Make her believe she’s worth working for.
Relationships are bank accounts. You can make deposits or withdrawals. If you aren’t making more deposits than withdrawals, then it will go into the red. If you make just enough deposits to break even, then nothing will grow.
Time for a self assessment and improvement plan
Lol what the fuck ? Why is this all OPs fault? What the fuck had she done for him? Why is he the one who needs all these changes ? What the fuck does his wife to help the relationship?
Is she changing? Is she doing anything other than complaining?
OP must change because hes the man and shes board ?
I fuckin hate reddit
Yes. Communicate!!
Talk about it with her, you both will feel relieved not having to hide the fact you know. It’ll allow you to both to start working on the solution faster. Communication is key.
Great. So do something about it.
This is your chance to turn it around. Be unpredictable. When did you lad buy her flowers for no reason? There’s a start
Or you could…. put your ego aside and consider working on the things she needs you to?
Maybe she doesn’t feel loved and appreciated by you. She still loves you but you have to maybe put some effort into your marriage.
Step
Your
Game
Up
You have a unique opportunity to use it as constructive criticism and work on being a partner you’re both comfortable with th
I know it hurts but we would all be better if we could hear unfiltered constructive criticism from the ones we love.
You’ve become comfortable. She married you though, don’t forget that. Its time to try new things and shake it up a bit. Many women wonder things like this but it’s usually temporary in my experience
That’s a whole lot of ‘me me me’, rather than some self reflecting.
Don’t take your wife for granted just because you know she loves you and tied to you!!! do the work and date her continuously!!
These sorts of people will tell everyone but their partner about what’s wrong and how to fix it. Poor OP, maybe he’s “boring” because he’s exhausted. Maybe shes just as “boring”. Lots of the comments are telling him to focus on changing but if she can’t even communicate whats wrong then he could be working on the wrong stuff. In your 30s she should be able to communicate whats up.
Couples therapy is needed.
Ok. So now what are you going to do? How will you solve this marital problem? She didn’t say anything so terrible that you can’t work through this. Have you become mundane? Why? Relationships take work. Sounds like you still water. Create some ripples.
You can’t look at her the same way bc you became lazy? Are you serious? Do better.
As a woman i wouldnt say anything to her. What i would do if i were in your shoes is start doing things you would do if yall were just dating again. Make her feel seen…. Figuring out your partners love language so you know how to properly love her. Yall can take the quiz together like a nice couple activity. You might learn things about yourself. When we are this young and married we start to get into a routine and routines are good they just become boring after a while. Spice things up. Also there might be some things she needs to work on and she will see when change is done. I hope things work out but she still loves you sometime relationships lose their way but as long as both are committed to fixing whats missing. Yall will get thru this……. hopefully she isnt listening to single ppl because their isnt lots of good people in this dating pool.
Yea this is a gift. Do more.
Tell her you heard and ask for clarification. And do some soul searching. Are you boring now? It happens to alot of people as they age
you can’t look at her the same way???
no question if she might have a point?
damn. i wonder if i made a mistake commenting here so early.
Step up your game.
Good opportunity for you to hit the gym and take an impromptu trip? It’s constructive criticism.
My dude, she could have said her ex was better, she didn’t. She loves you, make the effort to be better
…you were literally handed the keys to a better marriage. The gods have smiled on you. Get to work.
Maybe time to take the message in stride and see if there are areas of your life where you have become complacent. These aren’t malicious comments, just some honest sharing with a close family member. She’s obviously willing to spare your feelings or she’d say it to your face. Maybe have a gentle chat with her and see if you can both find areas of your lives to work on.
Dude you need to put up your best game with your wife! Some men become to comfortable with a boring life! Women love innovation, humor, and good sex!
Time to stop being lazy, predictable, and boring
Over hearing her might just be the best thing to happen to your marriage.
I would sit down with her and tell her what you heard and then figure out a way together to renew your connection. This is a marriage, it’s meant to take work.
Getting stuck is nobodies fault. We get comfortable, and comfort is good but it’s so easy to slide into complacency.
If you hadn’t heard her maybe this would never come up, things would never change and you’d either both end up unhappy or it would end in divorce.
Instead of victimizing it, actually analyze what has change and if you have really changed, save your relationship before the “divorce came out of nowhere”
Some people get real lazy after marriage. It’s time for reflection.
It’s easy to get “lazy” in a relationship. Step it up and make sure you’re engaged in your relationship. Take ownership of yourself and your actions. Have you gotten a little chubby, slacked off at the gym? Maybe not putting forth the effort you did when you were dating? Women want to be pursued even in marriage. Also, keeping yourself in shape and spending time on yourself makes you more desirable and keeps her on her toes. If she looks at you and thinks, “Dang, any woman would want my man,” she’ll stay engaged in the bedroom, and your sex life will flourish. Communication, as always, is key. Talk to her about it, but maybe take the stance of, I’m sorry I’ve let you down and Im gonna make an effort to be that guy again. But then you have to do it.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you get to stop dating your partner. Do things together. Go out on little dates. Get flowers. Go to the movies together. Ask her to be your valentine. Tell her that you love her. Be in the moment with her. She LOVES you but she misses feeling perused and cared for. It happens sometimes and likely she’s feeling like she isn’t exciting anymore. When is the last time you guys just sat down and talked to each other about something other than work? Or the kids? (If you have any.) Try and do things that are fun for both of you. Remember she is your romantic partner not just your partner.
Perhaps a sign to put a lil more energy into the love part of the relationship
Your wife sounds like a loving person who genuinely wants to be with you. I think you’d be surprised by her reaction if you approach her with an honest conversation. Tell her what you overheard, and that you want to talk about your relationship.
I’ve actually been through a very similar situation so I speak from experience. I once overheard my husband on the phone with his friend saying that if we couldn’t figure out the issues we were having divorce might be the answer, even though he loved me and didn’t want that. It definitely hurt to hear, and I didn’t say anything right away, but holding onto that didn’t feel good either. It was a bit of a wake up call for me. I finally brought it up to him. We were able to have a really productive conversation and start putting in the work we needed to get back on track. Here we still are two years later with a baby on the way, happier than ever!
At least she still loves you
Maybe she was talking about her other husband