My (M25) wife (F25) has been bummed out for like a week, even breaking down a few times. I finally asked her what was going on and she explained that she was up in bed and was just feeling stressed so she went through my phone.
When she finally told me she did this, she was crying like she was confessing some major crime to a priest, but I didn’t see it as such a big deal.
We’ve been living together for many years and have a child together. I’ve told her many times before that I have no need or want for anything else.
I told her that I really didn’t mind and that she could look through it whenever, but she explained that in previous relationships when she did stuff like that it was a question of trust and why can’t she trust.
I don’t see it that way. Unconditional trust is a fools folly. Trust, but verify. Also I feel that if any of her exes played that card it sounds like a manipulation tactic.
No matter how I say it she just feels awful and I can tell she’s bummed out. I just want to make her feel better.
Comments
It’s ok for her to feel sad and disappointed in herself. Emotions are meant to be felt not soothed away. She’ll be ok. Stop trying to talk her out if this. The solution to emotion is to feel not to apply logic. Give her some time. Maybe go for a walk together.
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Are you sure she’s not crying because maybe she is the one who had stepped out and she went through your phone out of guilt and in an attempt to self soothe and validate what she may have done? Just my .02
All you can do is emotionally support her by listening what is going on and not being judgemental in her past. But dont lose yourself in the process or youll end up you being mentally drained too.
My wife did the same thing and had the same reaction. I told her she could look through it whenever, I don’t mind. We’re both pretty open people, but I have done things in the past that could give arise to trust issues, so I don’t hold it against her or anything.
Going through your partners phone is something you do when someone broke you I think, whether it be a past or present partner. It sounds like it was someone in the past for you. I would just reassure her that you don’t mind if it helps ease her mind and then leave it at that.
Just brush it off like it’s no biggie. If this guilt trip behavior happens again from her she may be projecting unto you her guilty feelings of bad things she is doing. Remember women have a hard time taking accountability.
She probably had some insecurities from past relationships rear their ugly head and she’s disappointed in herself for indulging them. Validate her emotions, let her work through them, and maybe take her out on a nice date night to show her nothing has changed in your relationship.
47 years married, one simple rule. What is hers is hers and what is mine is hers.
Ask her to spell out all her doubts. Maybe she has some specific events in mind