I just don’t know what am I suppose to do. My wife of 10+ years is cheating on me with the guy she met just few months ago. We were a happy marriage (with kids) but then something “clicked” in her brain and she cheated.
I decided we are getting divorced and just started the process now but we still live together as she doesn’t want to move out to him saying she wants to be close to kids.
Now, she spends time at work most of the time, takes overtime, extra days and in fact I’m with kids most of the time.
H
When she’s home, she keeps texting with the new guy all the time and clearly her priorities have changed a lot as I put kids to bed, live them a good night kiss when she doesn’t seem to bother much about that.
They know each other just few months and she decided she want to sacrifice her family, marriage and all she have and build a new life with him.
It’s Saturday, she just came back from work and is going out with him and told me she will be back tomorrow morning.
She has absolutely no remorse, no feelings, whatever, I just don’t recognise her at all, she’s totally different person Iwas with.
On top of that, once we get our divorce financial agreement sorted she’s planing to buy our house by taking a mortgage with him, no matter that she only knows him few months.
Really don’t know what to do, what to tell children, should I just ignore what she does or … I don’t know.
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That’s heartbreaking. My friend’s dad went through something like this. Best thing he did was focus fully on the kids, kept routines normal, stayed calm. Let a lawyer handle her drama. Talk to a therapist too if you can. You’re not crazy. She changed, not you.
Lawyer up asap, that’s the only thing you can do. You gotta make sure your kids are fine and she’s gone asap. MIght even seek a therapist for yourself If I were you. Just to keep your mind straight.
She’s telling you unnecessary and hurtful details. I’d stop asking or listening re her plans with him now or future. It’s over and you need to find a bit of peace however you can. Figure out co-parenting and finances and your next steps.
I think you’re going to need to document all of this extracurricular behavior if your attorney can build a strong case for you to have primary custody of your kids. Are you in a no-fault state?
I mean, you obviously know that she’s fucking things up in her own life but this is about more than just you. She’s neglecting your kids and that’s not going to be good if you want to split custody. You can’t trust her to look after the children when you’re not around.
I would suggest that you document everything, speak to your lawyer about this and look for options that would allow you to have custody until she gets out of whatever trance she is under right now (if she ever will).
On the bright side you get to live your
amazing life, knowing they’re about to be one hell of a toxic couple, and in a few months she’s gonna come crawling back then you get the satisfaction of rejecting her with ZERO remorse
Document EVERYTHING, she cannot be trusted!
I had a friend who’s dad did this to his wife and kids. Sad all the way around and those people live to regret their choices.
Make sure she doesnt get to the kids, document her not takin care of the kids. She got brainwash or something.
Document EVERYTHING. She’s a shit human for cheating but the worst part is she’s neglecting her own kids. Make sure you gather evidence of the child neglect, and moving in with a man you have only known for a few months, I agree she’s lost it.
Get an attorney and start documenting her behavior. Protect your assets.
Get your separation filed. Agree on custody. Be open to having the kids any time. Document everything. Move out after separation filed if you can.
Whatever you do – don’t talk shit about the mom in front of the kids. They will figure it out.
You need to take control, go to an attorney, and draw up divorce papers, it is over. YOu are making it a mess. Also move half of money from savings and remove your name from CC or close them. Before she takes the money out to date….This teaches your children how to live like this, not to stand up for themselves, resolve problems or have self esteem.
Record her timeline and everything contradicts her words. She is just trying to take advantage of you.
Not saying divorce is a bad idea. But, did this really just happen like a switch turning on? Could there have been some kind of neurological change or condition? Usually there’s some kind of sign this is coming. I’d be more concerned something like a stroke, aneurysm, or seizure happened and kicked off this change…while probably finalizing the divorce as this isn’t going to unchange.
Divorce, alimony, child support fuck her
For the children’s sake keep life as normal as possible. Your wife hasn’t moved because the boyfriend doesn’t want her to live with him and probably doesn’t want to be a father. In less than a year he will move on and your wife will be begging for forgiveness.
Let push become shove and get her out, change the locks when she goes out overnight. She’s screwing someone else, make her his problem.
People do thing based off of instinct and sometimes they aren’t very good at judging what they do. In time, things usually speak for themselves?
And that’s nice of you to care for the kids. There’s not much you can do other than help the kids live a normal and happy life?
Don’t let her keep the kids the majority of the time!!!! You need to be the custodial parent or you will be funding her new lifestyle while the kids get up close & personal with it & the stranger
Re the soon to be ex – IMO (NAL), get physical custody, get child support from her, and get the house so that she has to move out.
Re the kids, assuming your kids are all younger than 10-11 yrs old, yeah, that’s going to be hard because of their ages (i.e., not sharing issues that they’re not old enough to process). Counseling might be a good idea. Remind them that they’re loved by both of you (even if she’s screwing up). Finding ways to keep their lives as stable as possible, and where they don’t have to pick sides would be good.
I’m sorry that she did this to you & has seemingly lost her mind. She’s probably deep in the affair fog & you’re absolutely right, she barely knows this guy. If & when her relationship with him falls apart & she tries to come crawling back, I wouldn’t take her back, because if she’s capable of doing this shit to you now, she’s capable of doing it again in the future.
I can’t imagine how hard it is going through that. I believe that if I were in your position, I’d just try to focus on yourself, the kids & divorcing the cheater. Your wife is a horrible person to do this to you & the kids. She’s very selfish & apparently only gives a shit about herself.
There’s no point in trying to figure out what she’s thinking. She’s already done it she probably got bored and needed excitement. Sometimes it’s not complicated even though you hope there’s some better excuse so you can not be so destroyed by it. Make her chip in and set a schedule up so you can rotate days of taking care of the kids. Sadly at this point file for divorce and move on. Unless you are asking should you forgive her and try to keep her as your wife or something?
Honestly I would file a motion for exclusive use of the property until the divorce is complete and assets are divided. I would use the adultery, toxic behaviors, and the disinterest in child care as evidence. After taking some time to document it all.
I wouldn’t do this to be mean or cruel but rather for my own mental health and to get everyone used to what will become the new normal.
Additionally I would work on not caring about her plans for the future. Your relationship is ending, she is an adult, she can and will make her own mistakes. Don’t add those mistakes to your stress levels.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sadly, it often comes as a total shock to one partner when the other partner suddenly cheats or leaves. She’s probably been unhappy, angry and/or resentful for a while and kept it to herself, which is totally unfair to you and your kids, but people rarely just up and leave out of no where. I hope you can talk to a good therapist to help you through all of this.
she doesn’t need to live there and get her way, it toxic for the kids to live in that environment. Good luck. your a good dad!!!
Get lots of receipts. Lots of them.
Follow your lawyer’s advice during the advice, so you can get it finalized with as little drama as possible (though do everything you can to get the house and the kids, even if you plan to sell the house — to someone other than her — afterward).
Then go fucking nuclear. Pictures, text threads, EVERYTHING — to family, friends, work, church. Destroy her.
Evict her
Had the same thing happen to me 30 years ago. It’s a horrible feeling that you are experiencing, I’m sorry. Get a lawyer, get as much as you can, and if you jump on it while she’s still in the infatuation stage with this guy, then you can get more. One last piece of advice, this too shall pass. It turned out to be the best thing to happen to me and my kids.
Get her out of the house. She has a job and she’s even working overtime. Tell her to pack up her shit and check into a motel. Have some self respect.
Man that’s brutal sorry to hear. You gotta be strong.. it’s best to ignore her and just know there is happiness on the other side of this.
Document document document and find ways to take care of yourself in the process.
Updateme
The affair fog is insane. It’s all tingles, endorphins and dopamine. You ever seen a male dog chase a female dog in heat? Pure tunnel vision.
The good news is these post affair relationships usually crumble when they are forced to become a real adult relationship that isn’t all sex (sorry man) and fun. Bills, day to day living and such finally surface, then the honeymoon is over. She now has husband 2.0. Throw in the fact how fast she is going all in on him already, the safe money is on this relationship imploding sooner than later.
I wouldn’t even be surprised if he’s just using her for short term fun and leading her on before he dumps her after a few months. Then like clockwork she will be reaching back out to you crying how she “made a mistake and wants her family back.”