My wife and I have been married for six years, and we have three beautiful children together. Like any couple, we’ve had our ups and downs but that’s part of marriage, right?
I haven’t always been the best partner or father. I neglected my family I wasn’t present or attentive enough to their needs.
Lately, I started feeling that something was off between us. I noticed changes in her behavior and began to suspect she was emotionally distant or hiding something. I talked to her several times. She said she just needed to work on herself she didn’t like who she’d become. I supported her and decided to improve myself too not just for her, but for our kids and me.
I tried to change, but I still felt her pulling away. I asked her what she needed from me and how we could move our relationship forward. She said she wanted to work on things and that it was important to her. Despite her assurances, I still felt uneasy and even asked if there was someone else. She always denied it.
Then I found out she’d cheated with an ex-boyfriend. She went to see him. At first, she denied it, but eventually she admitted it: she’d been talking to him for months and met him once in person. She said she felt neglected and wanted to feel something again, so she reconnected with him.
The night she met him, she told me she was having a girl’s night and even planned it weeks in advance. She bought new clothes and lingerie she was excited. I believed her, but clearly I was wrong. We had been making some progress, so it hurt even more that she went ahead with this and lied about it.
When I confronted her, she apologized, promised it would never happen again, and swore she’d cut off all contact. She said she loves me, doesn’t want to lose me, and would give 100% to fixing things even if rebuilding my trust would be tough.
But I feel broken and confused. I love her deeply, and I know I haven’t been perfect but how could she do this after promising to work on us? The fact that she lied to my face is devastating.
How do I move forward from this? How can I ver trust her again?
Thanks in advance for your advice
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You move on by divorcing her. You will never trust her again. Never.
Signs It Might Be AI-Generated:
• Polished, structured language: It flows smoothly, with clear paragraphing and pacing, which is common in AI-generated content.
• Balanced tone: It avoids extreme emotional swings — even when talking about betrayal — and maintains a consistent, moderate tone.
• Cliché phrasing: Lines like “we’ve had our ups and downs”, “I feel broken and confused”, or “I know I haven’t been perfect” are quite generic and could be AI defaults.
🤣🤣
Time to lawyer up and move on. Rather than communicating her feelings to you or going to marriage counseling, she chose to cheat. Move on from her. The marriage is over. Updateme
Before jumping to divorce, ask yourself if you can move on, can you forgive? Can you look at her the same way? I can understand her wanting to feel wanted but she should have addressed things with you rather than seek it elsewhere.
If you can’t trust then there is no point
GET AN STD TEST AND A LAWYER
What you need to remember, friend, is that she cheated not because you were not enough. She cheated because she is broken.
She has multiple opportunities to pull closer to you, but she chose to go to another man in order to give herself an ego boost.
I get wanting to repair things and go back to the way things used to be. But that’s impossible now
You need to get in touch with a lawyer and decide what is best for you and for your children. And then focus on separating in a way that’ll give you and your kids peace
You will never look at her the same again. She lied to your face about where she was going and what she was doing. Another man has defiled your wife, don’t know how you can ever really be ok with that. IMO get the divorce and try to maintain an amicable relationship for the sake of your children.
You deserve honesty, whether you stay or go.
They should just pin a template at the top for a cookie cutter ‘partner is cheating’ post
Lingerie for girls night out? Right…
Divorce. Even if you go through all the therapy and it helps etc
Then next time she says she is having a girls night, or she says she met some mates after work, you will never be able to trust her again.
Unfortunately it’s time to go seperate ways
Toss her to the streets and take the kids evil laughter
31, married with 3 kids is too old to be lying when asked a direct question IMHO. Yes, I know people older than that do it, but it’s a sign of adolescent maturity. Maybe she’ll never cheat again, but how will you know if she’s telling you the truth?
The trouble is now, how do you know that she will ever tell you the truth.
Basically she has to do everything right for the rest of her life. Do you think she is capable of that?
She planned to lie about it. That’s abit shady. But I hope you make the best decision for yourself.
All the best
It’s up to you whether you can trust her again.
However, don’t just forgive and try to forget. The communication between you both MUST get better. She needs to create a plan (and tell you) of what she will do next time someone catches her attention. “It won’t ever happen again” isn’t a plan. It happened at least once, so it could happen again. What will she do if she finds herself wanting that attention?
If you can’t both talk about this, and acknowledge her plan, you can’t move forward. But if she does give you a plan and you do want to move forward with her, you will have to forgive her. It’s no good for either of you to stay together if it furthers the wound within you.
So…she PLANNED this…the lingerie, lied about a girls trip, she has no regrets other than being caught because next time she’ll just slip and trip into a dick because she’s a cheater. Never forgive or forget what they’ve done. Lawyer up. She cannot ever be trusted
How are you gonna trust her again is the answer, if you would like to fix it. a friend of mine tried but wasnt able to trust her Partner after a betrayal like this
What do you mean you weren’t the best partner?
So she doesn’t want to lose you but did something that would make you want to walk away?. I wouldn’t believe a word out of her mouth.
I’d consider separating for a bit to decide if you really want to be with her now, knowing what she’s capable of.
Now you know exactly what her promises are worth, and how little respect for you she has. She’s a lost cause. Focus on the kids.
She got her back blown out while you where at home watching your three kids. Think about ir
DNA test your kids. Clearly moral integrity isn’t a part of her personality.
Then tell her you feel neglected and intend to cheat. Once you have a new girl lined up leave her.
Just remember that at some point, it slipped out, and she took her hand and guided it back in.
You move on from it by beginning the divorce process. The relationship is over. It sucks. A lot. A whole lot.
But the sooner you accept it and embrace your new reality, the better. The trust is broken, the vows shattered.
Get a divorce lawyer, take a trip to the clinic, and start focusing on your kids and yourself. There is no fixing infidelity – especially given there were a lot of problems in the lead up.
Good luck OP.
She doesn’t love you and her words mean absolutely nothing. She’s planned to betray you and your family. You need to call a lawyer and hand her the divorce papers. Have some self-respect.
The fact that this was calculated FOR MONTHS and not a spur of the moment lapse in judgment running into the ex (not saying that that is excusable) is scumbag work. Kick her to the curb
My husband and I have been through this. You can rebuild but it takes years and you really need to go to counseling through it all as well. It is definitely worth a shot since you have children. I have posted about my experience before and I’ll link it here so you can check it out if you’re interested.
So up until you confronted her she was still in contact with him. That’s not regret over cheating on you. That’s regret for getting caught.
You can’t trust her. If no kids get out. Lawyer up and get tested. She will do it again but next time she will be more careful
She’s not sorry she did it. She’s sorry she got caught. This isn’t remorse. It’s realisation she’s lost a good, long happy life with you and your children.
You deserve better. You can’t trust her. Divorce and go hard on demanding custody of the kids or the primary caregiver.
Brother , she cheated on you in the first place if she wanted to work on things she should of worked on it instead of planning with another guy , I’m really sorry but you deserve better
As an older person I’ve seen this happen many times to both men and women. The women I knew had children and for the most part had all the responsibilities. Paying the bills, cleaning, cooking, laundry, child care and most were also working jobs. It’s too much and overwhelming. I’m not saying you let this happen but many younger men seem to expect that from their wife. They work and come home, that’s it. I had a son in law like this. He wouldn’t even do yard work. (He is no longer in our family)
These women were also often starved for attention. Their husbands never took them on dates or gave them some alone time. This is when the women start remembering someone from the past, or meet a new guy who tells them they are pretty etc. Being starved for romantic attention they start making bad decisions.
I’m not entirely blaming the men, but if I have just described your marriage you need to turn things around before this happens to you.
On the bright side, at least it’s not 20 years in the future and she was getting away with cheating on you the entire time.
Be real. She lied straight to your face and walked out the door with every intention of cheating on you. Take out the trash sooner rather than later. Lawyer up, divorce her, live life without the hassle of having a cheat in your house.
Everyone deserves another chance we are not an angel if she really honest and you really love her give this relationship one more chance it’s hard but not impossible get a break go for vacation clear your mind
Hi Op, I‘m sorry but you wife clearly has shattered the trust completely. And now she’s using her kids / family to soften you up and to take her back. This is manipulation of its best. She let herself used up by her ex and just because she got caught she doesn’t want to feel the repercussions of her actions. It’s obvious her ex wouldn’t take someone like her anyway with a „baggage“ of 3 children, he just used the opportunity to have some fun on your expenses.
Everything sounds very harsh and blunt, I know, but your wife hasn’t grasp the severity of her actions.
I can’t tell you what to do, but I was you, I wouldn’t let this go. The trust is heavily damaged, I could never ever believe her any word, I would divorce her on the ground of infidelity.
You could try couples counseling(I’m being optimistic here) cuz I know I would have trouble accepting all this and even leaving but for the most part like everyone else here. Leaving would probably be best she betrayed you big time. It’s one thing to go ahead and talk to someone else but to go out and physically meet someone and physically cheat is a whole other chapter
Well. Let’s get this out of the way… she doesn’t love you. Worse, she doesn’t respect you. She just isn’t/doesn’t like the consequences of her actions.
Now that you know that, how do you move forward?
Consider that she made a choice to end your marriage, relationship, and family the minute she crossed the line with her ex. Not talking about her little sex romp, but emotionally. You and your children simply didn’t matter to her. No amount of (worthless) words are going to change that now. Words are easy- they require nothing (less than nothing). The only thing that matters now is action. Does she have it in her to take the actions necessary to repair what’s she’s done (if that’s even possible)? 99.9999% of cheating spouses don’t.
So. This is now about you and your three children. That’s where you focus. Easier said than done. Stay to distance yourself from the pod person that you’re married to- TODAY. You get referrals to lawyers from people in your life that have been through your hell. You separate physically (separate bedrooms, STOP “hysterical bonding”), emotionally, and financially. Understand your options.
Education! Start reading. First, Tracy Scorn’s book “Leave a cheater, gain a life”. Then Dr. Ronald Glover’s book “No more Mr. Nice Guy”.
She lied. She cheated. Then tried to justify her actions by essentially blaming you. No, she cheated on you because she wanted to. Probably had slight buyers remorse just AFTER when she realized what she’s risking. She didn’t just cheat on you. but your three kids as well.
You need to take back control of the situation. She needs to understand actions have consequences and you’re not so in love with her that she’ll just get an automatic pass. If you have a spare room, kick her to it. She cheated she moves. Talk to a shark divorce attorney, preferably a female and find out what a divorce would look like. Start protecting yourself and your finances. Cancel joint credit cards. Take half of joint savings. GET A DNA test for all the kids. Once a cheater, always a cheater isn’t just a saying. It’s often fact. She needs to realize how much she’s shaken the foundation of your marriage and you no longer trust ANYTHING she says. It sends a huge message. Wait until she’s asleep and try to get into her phone. Cheaters lie… about everything. You’re married and she’s a cheater. Don’t be squeamish here. There shouldn’t be secrets in a marriage, however if you ask her anything she will lie and trickle-truth to try to minimize consequences. So you need to be stealthy. Record all interactions. When you are contemplating divorce, even the sweetest girl will turn feral. If you decide divorce, tell all friends and family exactly why—with proof of possible. Control the narrative or she will. Spoiler: she’ll paint it as your fault.
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Remember, she broke this. Trust takes years to build but an instant to destroy. Once destroyed it will never be fully whole again.
Good luck to you.
If she was still in contact with him after she fucked him, she’s not sorry she did it. She’s sorry she got caught.